Alone in the Darkness
by Leonardo1885
Summary: After an accident leaves on of the turtles with a permanent handicap its up to his brothers to help him adjust to the changes this will bring to his life. The question is will he let them? Or will this tear the family apart?
1. Prologue

Alright so this is just a start for an idea that was jumping around inside my head. Just wondering if it is interesting enough to keep it going. I really appreciate the feed back. :) If you'd like me to continue let me know and I'll work on the first chapter this week and hopefully get it posted this weekend. Thanks for reading.

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Prologue: The New Leonardo

"Umph," Leonardo's breath came out in a grunt as he bumped into the wall, his plastron hitting the brick with enough force to knock the air out of his lungs.

"Leo, where's your walking stick?" Raphael asked irritatedly as he poured himself a bowl of cereal, glaring at it as the small bits of grain and raisin fell into the ceramic dish.

"I don't need it," Leonardo snapped back as he reached out a hand and gripped one of the chairs, pulling it towards him and slowly made his way around, feeling the seat for a minute before lowering himself into it. After a minute he relaxed, and he rested his elbows on the edge of the table, his blank eyes staring ahead of himself, seeing nothing. But then again they hadn't been seeing anything for a few weeks now.

It was something that they'd all been trying to get used to, although it hadn't been easy. The scars that lined from one side of Leo's face to the other were just as gruesome to look at, and none of them could look at them for long. Raphael in particular had the hardest time facing them.

"Hey, Leo," Mikey greeted cheerfully as he entered the kitchen, Klunk on his heal. The orange cat purred loudly as Mikey reached for a bag of kibble and rubbed his head against Mikey's ankle.

"Morning," Leo said curtly, nodding once from the direction Mikey's voice was coming from. Not knowing that Mikey had moved across the room now.

Raphael sighed as he lifted a spoonful of his cereal to his mouth, chewing it slowly, feeling the bits of grain crunch between his teeth. He didn't think he'd ever miss the old Leo, but the new Leo was starting to grind on his nerves.

Ever since he woke up from the accident and discovered that his vision was gone Leonardo hadn't been the same. He'd been colder, even more serious than before. He didn't tolerate any goofing around during training practices, and if Mikey in particular made even one joke he got an instant rebuff. It was something that the whole family was trying to adjust to. Splinter had taken Leo aside for extra training sessions, trying to help Leo ease into this new handicap, but even they didn't help much. Leonardo remained cold and distant from the family, rarely joining them outside of training sessions and meal times, preferring to stay locked up in his bedroom for the duration of the day. And most of the time the others let him.

Splinter had told them that Leo had to adjust to this on his own, in time he would come to accept what had happened to him. In the meantime the best they could do was let Leo know that they were there for him, to help support him as he struggled to adjust to the changes this handicap brought to his life.

Donny had spent a lot of time in his lab, researching the eyes, blindness, the chances of recovery, and how best to help a blind person. He'd learned a lot, and had tried to make things as easy for Leo as he could, but Leo had refused any help from any of them. He'd gotten angry when they'd been sympathetic and had finally exploded at Mikey when Mikey had show Leo where his fork, spoon, plate, and cup were at dinner one night by lifting Leo's hand to place them on each item. Leo hadn't wanted to be treated any differently than what they'd treated him like before. He hadn't even touched the walking stick that Donatello had made for him. It sat in the corner of his room, gathering dust.

The brothers hadn't been out on patrol since that night, not that Leo would be able to go in any case. Without his sight he wouldn't be able to measure the distance between buildings, wouldn't be able to propel his body with enough force to clear the distance to land safely on the next building and it didn't feel right going without him. Raphael had been tempted to go out and get the one who'd done this to his brother, but he'd reined that in. He was needed here. Revenge could wait.

"You want somethin' to eat, Leo?" Michelangelo asked as he reached for the carton of eggs and the loaf of bread.

Leonardo shook his head.

Raphael frowned at him. "You should eat somethin', Leo."

Leonardo's scarred face turned towards Raphael's voice, a scowl pulling at his mouth. From this angle Raphael could see clearly the thick rough scars that would forever mar his brother's face. They started at his right temple, curved slightly and directly over both of his eyes, across the bridge of his nose, across the left corner of his mouth down to his chin. Three long deep scars that had penetrated so deep Donny was worried that Leo was going to bleed out before they could really get a good idea of what damage had been done. It was a known fact that head wounds bleed worse than any other, but these had been terrifying. The only reprieve they'd had at the time, was that Leo didn't stay conscious long enough for them to hear how much pain he was in.

They'd heard him later though, when Leo had finally come around the pain had been unbearable, even with painkillers already in his system Leo could feel the wounds, he hadn't been stoic at first, but after a few days he'd gone silent. He'd stared blankly up at the ceiling, not responding to when someone called his name. Catatonic Donny had called it. Leo had escaped to the only safe place he had left, his own head. It was a few days after that Leo had finally returned and they discovered the horrific truth of what had been done to their brother when Leo had declared that he couldn't see.

"I'm not hungry, Raph," Leonardo said irritably, then without waiting for Raphael's reply he rose swiftly, bumping his knees against the table. He winced but turned away quickly and started from the kitchen, his feet shuffling a little as he felt his way through the lair with his sense of touch and smell alone.

"He's getting worse," Mikey said as he cracked an egg against the edge of the pan and dropped the contents into the sizzling butter.

"I know," Raphael said quietly as he played with the remains of his cereal, no longer interested in eating it. He stirred the contents around with his spoon then let the spoon fall. It clattered nosily against the ceramic dish.

"What are we gonna do?"

"We're gonna do what Splinter said, Mikey, just let him know we're there for him." Raphael said firmly clenching his jaw and glaring out after his brother. He heard a slightly muffled grunt and knew that Leo had probably bumped into something again. He felt his insides tighten at the noise. "We're gonna help him through this. "


	2. Chapter 1: Darkness

A/N: I've decided to write this in the first person POV. I find it easier that way - I'm not sure if I'm going to continue with this or not. I'm debating with the idea. It isn't a story seems to express a lot of interest in people, and I've had to put a lot of time into it so I'll just post this next chapter and see if anyone is interested in me continuing it. If not then I'm not going to waste my time with it. In this chapter you'll see exactly what it was that happened to Leo as Raphael remembers it - if I decide to keep working on this story, depending of if you guys would like me to, we'll continue on with Leo's struggle to come to terms with what was taken from him.

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Chapter 1: Darkness

**Raphael**

_Four weeks ago..._

"Donny!" I shouted, trying to make my voice as loud as I could. I found the simple task difficult. My whole throat seemed to be swollen and dry and it gave me no volume whatsoever for something that I'd done thousands of times before without difficulty.

My hands fluttered uselessly over my fallen brother, panic clenching my stomach as the blood continued to pool around Leo's head. I couldn't see the extent of the damage in the dim lighting, but I knew it was bad. My own hands were black with my brother's blood and fresh blood continued to spill onto them. My eyes didn't tear away from my barely conscious brother's wide panic stricken eyes, I could see the fear he was trying so desperately to mask and that made my own fears intensify.

"Raph," Leo croaked as he blinked up dazedly at me with his left eye. Well, he was trying to look at me anyway. The left eye was better off than his right eye but I had my doubts as to how well he could actually see out of either at this point.

"Hang in there, Leo," I said trying to sound reassuring but pretty sure that I sounded more desperate than anything. "Donny's comin' he'll be here any minute now."

I knew I had to keep Leo calm. I was on the verge of hysteria myself, with the terrifying amount of blood Leo was loosing and the ghastly wounds that now marred his face I knew it was an understandable emotion. But it was one I couldn't afford to have - and one Leo didn't need to see. If I panicked any worse than I was now that would surely stress out Leo, making him panic as well. If Leo panicked he would hyperventilate, which would increase blood flow, which would increase the amount of blood he was loosing - and I didn't think he could afford to loose much more. My eyes tore away from Leo's face and I looked around automatically at the rooftops that surrounded us, hoping to see a sign of Donny. I couldn't.

"Raph," Leo tried again as his chest expanded quickly, his eyes widening in sudden stress. I rested a hand atop his plastron and tried to smile at him, to look as calm as I could muster. I don't think I fooled him.

"Shh, just take it easy, bro," I said again forcing my voice to stay even to have that dull tone that I usually had when Mikey asked me to play video games with him. I felt the corner of my mouth twitch and saw Leo's shoulders relax a little at the genuine pull of amusement in my eyes. I tried to hold onto that feeling, trying to keep myself together for my brother's sake.

"Raphie?" Mikey's voice called from less than a block away. I felt my body go limp with relief, wherever Mikey was Donny would be close behind him.

"Over here!" I called and to relief found that I once again had control over my voice volume. I didn't even care that my voice cracked.

"Over here," Mikey echoed and I assumed he was talking to Donny. I gripped one of Leo's cold hands in one of my own, trying to ignore the chill or the sluggish beat of his heart that I could just barely feel underneath the finger tips of my other hand as they dug uncomfortably into Leo's neck. Leo didn't even seem aware of it.

"Just a couple more minutes, Leo," I said firmly as I squeezed Leo's limp fingers. "Donny'll fix everything."

Leo's eyes softened a little then with a quiet sigh they closed and he went still beneath my hands. Adrenaline shot through my reptilian veins and my body went cold. I pressed my fingers harder into the flesh on Leo's neck, feeling desperately for the reassuring throb of blood that would mean Leo hadn't just left us. I breathed a sigh of relief when I managed to find it again, slow and thready, but still there.

"Raph?" Donny asked from right beside me. But I felt myself relax a little now that Donny was here. Donny would fix it - he could fix anything. "What happened? Oh shell."

Donny had finally knelt down at my side and had seen the severity of Leo's wounds, even in what little light there was I could see his face pale. His quick experienced hands gently turned Leo's head towards a light angling from across the street in an attempt to see the damage better. It was still almost impossible to see anything besides the copious amount of blood that continued to pump out of the wounds. I knew from the anxious look on Donny's face that the situation was grim. Even though head wounds bleed more than most Leo was loosing too much, and we both already knew that. If he lost too much more he'd go into shock and even with how well Donny had stocked up our medical supplies we didn't have the right equipment to deal with some things.

"What the shell happened, Raph?" Donny demanded as he tried in vain to get the bleeding to slow. The thick sticky substance oozed between his fingers and coated his hands with the same black gore that had already coated my hands.

I shook my head, unable to answer. I wasn't sure if I knew what had happened myself, it had all happened so fast.

The night had started off innocently enough. My brothers and I had had a few weeks of down time after defeating the demon Shredder. The Ninja Tribunal had left with the Ancient One and Karai had gone off with Dr. Chaplin for an extended holiday. The last time my brothers and I had seen her she and Dr. Chaplin had been holding hands, swinging their arms back and forth between them and smiling at each other. I had the feeling that we wouldn't be seeing her again for a while.

The streets of New York had been quiet, well as quiet as they could ever get so we'd all enjoyed our own leisure activities. Donny had been busy in his lab inventing some new gadgets and repairing some of the damaged things that either Mikey or I had managed to break. Mikey had bested his video game scores twice, on every game he had I might add. He'd gone around the lair letting each of us know with a stupid grin of triumph on his face. Leo had been applying what techniques the Ninja Tribunal had taught us to our own fighting methods, he'd also been working on his meditation a lot trying to understand the connection between him and his spirit avatar. I didn't have time for such nonsense, I was trying to perfect my bike, making it light enough that I could out race Casey at our next match race. Casey had bragged that he could get his bike up to 180 now, I had my doubts, but I was determined now not to be out done by a pink primate. I'd convinced Donny to help me at one point and my bike now had a new surprise that would make Casey eat my dust in a few days.

In fact I'd been in the garage working on my bike, cleaning her up when my brothers had appeared, each of them looking rather excited. Donny explained that he'd just finished a camoflauge gadget he wanted to try out - and what better place to try it out than the rooftops? I'd felt my own grin stretch across my face and I'd dropped my polishing rag, straightened quickly and ignore the popping sensations that went up and down my spine. I'd been crouched down next to my tires for too long. Leo had turned the exercise into a game, Mikey and Donny were to go first, Leo and I would give them a ten minute head start and try to find them, we were sticking to the east side rooftops tonight, so that would give Leo and I a good idea on where to look for them. But if Donny's new gadget worked as well as he expected it to we might not find them regardless.

Things went about as well as we'd planned. Mikey and Donny left first, taking a small little box with them. I hadn't been too impressed when Donny had shown it to me, but when he'd pressed the top button he disappeared leaving me gaping at the space he'd just been standing. If it hadn't been for his triumphant laughter coming from right beside me I'd have thought he left. Mikey had a small box of his own Donny was working on two more but hadn't finished them yet. He was too excited to try them out to see if they actually worked before finishing them. This was also a chance for him to work out any bugs the little boxes might have.

Leo and I waited inside the garage, impatiently on my part. I shifted my weight from foot to foot and twirled my sais absent-mindedly in my hands. Leo stood calmly across the room from me, his arms crossed over his chest, his head down as he stared at the floor, one leg propped up against the wall. I ground my teeth together as I started to count the seconds in my head as I waited the sharp prongs of my sais glinted in the overhead lights. The minutes dragged on sluggishly.

When Leo finally pulled away from the wall and grinned at me, his face crinkling with anticipation I grinned back. Then I quickly scaled the ladder, and was at the surface a mere minute later. I landed lightly on the balls of my feet, one hand held out in front of me, helping me keep my balance as I stayed in my crouched position. Leo was right behind me, his landing on the black asphalt even more graceful than mine had been, if there was one thing Leo had besides his dedication to the arts of ninjitsu it was his natural ability to move gracefully.

Leo and I shared a quick silent look then we both leapt for the nearest fire escape and quickly made our way to the rooftops, and after a few blocks we caught sight of their trail. Donny's equipment may have been flawless but Mikey wasn't. Our youngest brother rarely went somewhere without leaving clues of his being there, if one knew what to look for, with a quick nod to each other Leo and I followed Mikey's trail. The only problem with that was, someone else also knew what to look for and they had had the same idea we had.

Before Leo and I had gone another block we found ourselves suddenly surrounded with goons that we'd never seen before. They'd been dressed in dark navy blue tight fitting leather suits, and they all appeared to be female. Their faces were hidden by masks not dissimilar to the foot clan's. I'd growled and retrieved my sais as Leo unsheathed his katana blades. This hadn't been on our agenda tonight, but I'd smiled - I never minded pounding a few heads.

The fight had been short but vicious. At first it had seemed like we'd had the upper hand, with as much down time as we'd had it had left our bodies refreshed and full of energy. Our hits had been harder, our kicks stronger, our attacks more brutal and our blocks more deflective. We took them down with ease, they'd laid there stunned and groaning, crawling away from us on their bellies, their own weapons forgotten. But then _she _had shown up.

I knew without a doubt that I'd never seen her before. She was too short to be Karai and she held herself differently. She didn't keep her back ramrod straight like Karai did, but she hunched over, as if she couldn't straighten up properly, her long black hair whipped in the New York City wind, blowing away from her face and out into the night, almost like a cape behind her. Half of her face was hidden with the mask she wore over her mouth and nose, but her eyes were a strange silvery gray color. Her brows had knitted over the bridge of her nose and she'd stared at us puzzled for a moment as if we weren't what she was expecting. Her four and a half foot body coiled and then she sprang at us.

She was faster than she looked, and that was probably why we'd underestimated her. She struck quickly and before I knew what was happening found myself flat on my shell with my sais on the other side of the roof. My chest burned with the abuse it had just taken and my arm felt oddly cold and something wet was running down the length of it. I'd felt something give underneath my plastron with her last kick and from the way my chest ached every time I breathed I was pretty sure she'd cracked, if not broken, at least one of my ribs. Sluggishly I reached with my other hand to wipe the water off my arm impatiently while I tried to get my second wind. I couldn't see Leo, but he must've been nearby.

My fingers encountered something warm and sticky and my arm flared with sudden pain at the contact. My eyes widened and I brought my hand up to hold over my face so I could see. My fingers were black in the dim light and the substance that coated them was thick, congealing on my fingers. I blinked in shock. _Blood. My blood._I rubbed my fingers together and the drying blood flaked down onto my face. The sickly sweet smell of copper assaulted my nose and I resisted the urge to gag.

I wasn't sure when I became aware of her standing over me, one of my brother's katanas held in her hand. Her odd eyes were glaring down at me, and even in this dim lighting they seemed to glow. As she swung the blade high I knew I'd never be able to move in time, my body was sluggish and I could barely move let alone fight. I glared up at her, waiting for her to finish me.

"No!" Leo yelled jumping between us, his last katana in his hand, stopping the arc of the sword as it swung towards my head. Leo's back bent backwards with the force of the pressure she was applying on her own sword, I could hear his heaving breathing and heard him shift his feet as he tried to get into a better position to protect me and defeat her.

I couldn't help him, I blinked up at him and then had to blink again as Leo seemed to separate so there were two of him. I blinked a third time and Leo had pulled back together again. I knew the blood loss was making my head spin and giving me the double vision. I shook my head trying to clear it, but that only made it worse. I heard Leo's cry of triumph as he forced this strange woman away from us and then the clanging of metal on metal she he fought her viciously on the other side of the roof.

I needed to help him. Ignoring the dizziness and how badly my chest ached I rolled slowly onto my uninjured arm and forced it support my weight as I tried to leverage myself onto it. It shook beneath me, threatening to give out from under my weight. I locked my elbow and ground my teeth together as I tried to ignore that.

"Ahh!"

The cry of pain sent a jolt of adrenaline through me and my head snapped up sharply. Leo stood triumphantly over our attacker, both of his katanas now clutched in his hands, limp at his sides as he glared down at her. She was crouched down on one knee, her head resting on her thigh while her back heaved up and down with her heavy breathing. Leo seemed to be waiting for her because his eyes didn't shift towards me. A soft wind stirred up Leo's bandanna tails and they whipped around him with the sounds of bats wings.

I relaxed a little, Leo didn't even look shaken let alone injured. My arm gave out from beneath me and I let myself sag back to the hard uncomfortable rooftop again as the dizziness swept over me. Leo blurred out of focus, leaving only a green lumpy form in his place. I blinked trying to make the fuzzy outlines reshape into my brother. I could tell he hadn't moved, he was still waiting for her.

She struck just as fast as she had before, taking Leo off guard. One minute she was half crouched, her head on her knee the next she was fluid movement a clawed glove now covered her right hand, the sharp tips glinting in the dim light. Leo raised his swords to block her attack, the sharp tips of her glove made short work of the swords and the blades spun away from the prongs, spinning towards me. I stared in disbelief as the sharp metal came to a stop right next to my knees. This lady obviously didn't know how much those swords meant to Leo, nothing made him angrier than someone ruining his katanas.

But Leo seemed to be in shock, he stared after the spinning pieces of metal his eyes wide and his mouth slightly agape. He turned back to her, throwing the prongs of his useless weapons down but had reacted too late. Before he had time to move the clawed glove struck again, this time at his face. It only took me a few seconds to comprehend the cry of pain that escaped from Leo's lips, then I watched in horror as Leo's body crumpled and he went limp at her feet.

Ignoring the pain and dizziness I jumped to my feet, grinding my teeth into my lower lip to stop myself from crying out at the agony this move cost me. I pushed it aside, the adrenaline now coursed freely through my veins, dulling the pain and making me see with sudden clarity. Leo wasn't moving and in the darkness I couldn't even see the reassuring rise and fall of his shell as he breathed, I had no idea if my brother was even alive. I ran forward a growl building up in my throat as I launched myself at her. But she was already gone.

With a movement so fast I almost missed it she'd taken two steps and jumped gracefully from the top of the building just as a ladder and a helicopter appeared. I glared up at her as the helicopter turned away and her small body swayed precariously on the ladder as she climbed up it. I was tempted to go after her, and a part of me wanted to, but instead I hurried back to my fallen brother, turning him over gently and trying to see what she'd done.

Leo's face was covered in blood, one of his eyes was shut but the other was roaming around sluggishly in the socket. Blood had already pooled around Leo's head and the sight terrified me. I had no idea how to fix something like this and as the blood continued to gush out of the wounds I'd felt myself panic. I was watching my brother die. In my desperation as I hovered uselessly over my brother's body I'd done the only thing that made sense - I yelled for Donny and hoped that he'd be close enough to hear me.

Luck had been with me, if any part of this night could now be considered lucky. Mikey and Donny had been close, they'd heard the sounds of our fight and had been on their way to investigate. They'd only been a few buildings away when they saw the helicopter appear and then leave with a ladder dangling from beneath it and then my desperate cry of Donny's name had pushed them into action again.

"Raph!" Donny snapped as he glared over at me, bringing me back to the present. His face was almost as pale as Leo's and I swallowed hard as bile crept up my throat.

I could feel the sweat on my face and my body felt shaky. Donny was frowning at me as his eyes carefully roamed up and down my body for a minute. He seemed to be trying to see where I was hurt, but I didn't want him to worry about me - Leo needed him more than I did.

"I need you to help me here," Donny said after his quick evaluation of my injuries. I nodded and tried to gather myself a little, shaking away the dizziness that threatened to tilt my world upside down. I felt Donny's criticizing eyes on me as I moved but I tried to ignore that as I straightened. My ribs burned and my chest felt like it was on fire, I winced and curled my arms around my damaged ribs and gasped.

"Raph?" Donny asked his voice rising a pitch.

Donny's face had blurred and I could no longer see his eyes. I blinked trying to pull him back into focus. But no matter how many times I blinked Donny refused to pull together. I swayed on my feet, my legs felt numb I wasn't sure how I was still standing at this point. I blinked again and almost forgot how to open my eyes. I didn't remember falling but the next time I opened my eyes I found I was flat on my shell again looking up into Mikey's panicked face.

"Raphie?" Mikey's hands hovered over me as mine had hovered over Leo not too long ago. "Donny his arm!"

A hot stinging sensation burned up my arm as someone touch me. I wanted to jerk away from the touch but found my body too heavy to move. Gravity was try to pull me into the earth, it was going to drag me down through the building and bury me under its foundation. Nothing could possibly save me now. I knew Mikey and Donny were still talking but I couldn't make out what they were saying. It was like trying to tune one of those antique radios and getting nothing but static with the occasional few words breaking through.

"Mikey...lair...get Leo..."

The world turned gray around me, I could see the few lights that were on blinking out as a black hue slowly bled over the gray. I knew I should fight the black but I could no longer remember why. What was so important that I had to be here, here where everything hurt. Donny and Mikey were fine they were taking care of me and Leo.

_Leo. _That was why I needed to stay conscious. Leo was hurt, Leo _needed _me. I tried to fight but the blackness finished bleeding over the gray, my eyes closed and there was only silence.

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"Raph? Can you hear me?"

"Mmm..." I groaned as I slowly lifted my eyelids. The task was much harder than it should have been - each lid felt like it held a ten ton weight on it. I blinked up slowly at the ceiling bringing the lights overhead into focus. Then Mikey's face swam into view, he was pale his features tight, his lips thin, his eyes anxious.

"Raphie?" Mike asked again, and I felt Mikey's hand clamp on my arm, his fingers trembling a little. I wanted to shake him off, to let him know I was fine. But I felt so heavy.

"W'a hap'n?" I managed to croak the words coming out slurred but I was happy they came out at all, my tongue felt swollen. I tried to swallow but even that was hard work. I tried to take stock of my body and realized that something was constricting my chest, binding it so tightly that it was confining, but my breathing had eased a little and the pain had dulled to a mild throb. I sighed in relief.

"Donny and I found you and Leo beaten to shell," Mikey said his anxious eyes rolling over me and the ridges over his eyes creased in an all too familiar expression. One I'd seen too many times on my young brother's face and I frowned a little. Mikey shouldn't have to look terrified, it wasn't right to see that expression on his normally happy-go-lucky carefree face. It almost looked as if he were trying to scan me, to look right through my shell to see where it hurt the most. I opened my mouth to reassure him that I was fine but then the memory of Leo lying so pale and lifeless on that rooftop flashed before my eyes and I felt the shock and fear spread across my face.

"Raph?" Mikey asked anxiously horror of his own spreading on his face so that his expression almost mirrored mine.

"Where...?" I coughed and winced as the movement made my ribs burn. I cleared my throat and blinked my eyes clear. "Where is he, Mikey?"

Mikey frowned and his eyes tightened a little as what I was asking him sank in. He bit his lower lip and glanced anxiously over his shoulder before looking at me again. "You need to rest, Raph. Donny said you lost a lot of blood back there. You've been unconscious for almost two days now."

My eyes widened in shocked surprise. _Two days? _I'd been out of it for two days? If I'd been unconscious for that long what had happened to Leo? Was he ok? Was he even alive? I had to know.

"Mikey, please," I begged my voice barely above a whisper. My eyes stung with my unspressed fears and I feared that they would spill over if Mikey didn't answer my questions. It was almost as if Leo was already dead. My stomach clenched sickeningly at the thought and I had to suppress the urge to throw up. I swallowed hard.

Mikey shifted uncomfortably again and once again glanced towards the door, as if waiting for someone to walk through it. It was only then that I realized I knew exactly where I was. I was in my room, lying down in my own bed apparently. Mikey turned back to me a mere second later and I could see the barely suppressed worry hidden in his eyes.

"He's..." Mikey hesitated and swallowed hard, he rubbed the back of his head uncomfortably and shifted a little on the chair he sat on. "He's in pretty bad shape, Raph." He finally said quietly.

"How bad?" I asked not really sure if I wanted to hear the answer to that.

Mikey's eyes dropped down to his hands, he suddenly seemed fascinated with the way his fingers were intertwined. "Donny doesn't know yet. Leo hasn't woken up and Donny is worried about what damage has been done to his eyes."

"Eyes?" I repeated.

Mikey sighed then moved gingerly to the bed, sitting down beside me, just barely touching my hip. "Leo had lost a lot of blood when we found you guys, Raph. Don couldn't tell where it was all coming from because he was loosing so much so fast and it was so dark out there. You were just barely conscious by the time we got there, we didn't even know you were hurt until you were blacking out on us. We bound up your arm, Donny grabbed Leo and we got you both back to the lair. Splinter helped Donny get Leo to his room and then Donny came back to help me with you. I managed to get the bleeding stopped, but you have three deep gashes running horizontally from your elbow almost all the way down to your wrist, you also have two cracked and one broken rib, plus a sprained ankle and a swollen wrist. Donny still isn't sure if it's broken or not."

I shook my head frustratedly, I wasn't interested in any of this stuff. I just wanted to know how Leo was - to know if he was going to make it.

Mikey seemed to sense that I was loosing my patience because he continued quickly. "Leo has three deep gouges on his face, whoever did this to him was aiming to cause damage. The wounds are deep and go from his right temple to the left side of his chin. We won't know the extent of the damage until Leo wakes up." Mikey hesitated and then looked over his shoulder again towards the door, then he turned back to me and I was shocked to see tears in his eyes. "That is...if Leo wakes up," Mikey finished his voice breaking.

"If?" I asked ignoring the pain in my chest as I sat up and grabbed onto Mikey's arm. "What the shell do you mean _if_?"

"Donny's worried about the amount of blood Leo lost, his heart is working overtime right now trying to compensate for the blood loss. It's working too hard and Don's afraid if we can't get his blood pressure down...that he'll have a heart attack."

Something colder than knives pierced through me and suddenly my own injuries meant nothing. This couldn't be happening. The world spun around me for a minute and blackness crept at the edges of my vision as my body swayed a little at this news. My stomach churned and I had to swallow quickly to stop the sickness from exploding out of me. I didn't have time for this. I had to be there, I had to see him.

"I wanna see him, " I finally croaked as I pushed aside the blankets that had been covering my legs.

Mikey grabbed my wrist and I tried to jerk my hand away but Mikey's hand tightened almost to the point of pain. "Raph, that's not a great idea - I don't think..."

I jerked my wrist away and was debating on whether or not to just push him off the bed and go see Leo under my own steam, unsure if I would make it that far, but I didn't need to.

"It's ok, Mikey," Donny said from my door. Mikey and I both jumped and looked over at him, he was leaning tiredly against the door frame, he'd removed his mask and I could see the dark bags that hung under his blood shot eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept in days.

Mikey was immediately on his feet, his eyes going wide with shock and fear. "Donny, is Leo...?" His voice trailed off and I knew he was too afraid to finish asking the question.

"He just woke up," Donny said sounding both relieved and worried. "He's a little disoriented but he's been askin' for Raph." His eyes fell on me and I knew what he was going to ask before he opened his mouth.

"I'm fine," I said stubbornly, I needed to see Leo, especially if he was asking for me.

"How are his eyes?" Mikey asked a bit impatiently.

Donny's shoulders slumped a little. "I'm still not sure," he admitted. "I've still got them covered for now, the wounds are too raw and the chances of him getting an infection are still high. We need to keep the wounds as clean as we can." He frowned at me his eyes critical as he noticed the way my breathing seemed to hitch in my chest. "You sure you're up for seeing Leo?"

I suppressed a growl as it bubbled in my throat, but my teeth clenched and I nodded briskly. I shifted my body so I could swing my legs over the edge of the bed, pushing roughly at Mikey's shoulder to get him to move out of the way. Mikey hovered and then wrapped his arm around my shoulders, helping me to stay upright as I tried to stand. I didn't protest, I needed the support too much. Short breaths heaved out of me and my jaw bunched as my muscles coiled beneath me. With Mikey's help I was upright in a few short seconds. The world swam around me a little but I ignored it as I took a determined step forward. My leg shook beneath me and I would've collapsed if Mikey's strong hand hadn't grabbed my belt.

"Just take it easy, bro," Mikey said soothingly as we made our way slowly across the room. I nodded and let Mikey take on more of my weight. I saw Donny frown at me then hurry out of the room, probably back to Leo's I assumed. I took another shaky step forward and leaned more heavily on Mikey as we progressed slowly across the room.

"It's ok, Raphie, I gotcha." Mikey reassured and as I felt his strong muscles take on more of my weight with each step. I knew he did, I relished in that and grinned tightly at him for a second before returning my attention to the impossible task of crossing the room. I could do this - Leo wanted to see me, needed to see me. I could do this for him. With a slightly steadier step we continued across the room.

* * *

Leo's room was dimly lit, with damp cloths over the lamps. Leo was lying in his bed, blankets pulled up over his shoulders and Donny sat next to the bed in a fashion similar to the one Mikey had had when I had woken up. Donny was leaning forward though, his hands hovering over Leo's face, from the reassuring whispers it sounded to me like he was trying to soothe our obviously distressed brother.

"Where is he - is he ok?" Leo asked his voice oddly hoarse.

"Calm down, Leo, Raph is on his way - I promise." Donny said soothingly as he placed a restraining hand on Leo's plastron to prevent him from rising.

I tried to walk faster but my legs felt shaky again and I knew it was only Mikey that was keeping me upright at this point. I clung to Mikey's arm for support as my legs threatened to buckle from under me as we made our way slowly to Leo's bed. Mikey tightened his grip on my belt and shifted me a little so he could hold onto me better.

"See he's right here, Leo," Donny said quickly as he rose swiftly from the chair and gestured for me to take it. I sank into it gratefully and leaned forward my chest still heaving with the effort of making the short trek from my room to Leo's - something that I had never even blinked at before. But I was exhausted now and I blinked my eyes wearily. I stared at Leo's face and felt my insides tighten at the sight.

Donny had obviously found the wounds hard to work with, let alone bandage. With the awkward angles of the wounds the best he could do had been to cover them with gauze pads and tape them down with medical tape. But even with those in place I could see parts of the wounds where the bandages couldn't quite cover them. The wounds were open and ragged, the skin surrounding the wounds was swollen making Leo's face look distorted. I scowled, if I ever caught the she devil who'd done this to Leo she wouldn't be tainting the perfectly good air by breathing in and out much longer. These weren't flesh wounds, they were deep and I knew they would leave some rather interesting looking scars once they healed, battle trophies that would forever define my brother's face.

Leo's left eye was partly exposed and he swiveled it around to look at me. It had a milky white substance that glassed over it, that had me concerned and I shot a horrified look at Donny, but he just shook his head minutely. I turned back to Leo and tried to smile at him, I don't think I succeeded, but the right side of Leo's mouth pulled up in a genuine smile when he finally saw me.

"You ok?" He demanded, his voice taking on the tone that under normal circumstances drove me crazy. That tone where he was worse than a hovering parent.

I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. Leo was obviously in much worse shape than I was and yet here he was worrying about me. Typical Leo - worry about everyone else first, then when he was sure that we were fine, and only then, would he worry about himself.

"I'm fine, Leo," I promised as I lifted the hand on my uninjured arm and rested it lightly on Leo's uncovered hand. "How you doin', bro?"

Leo's smile faltered and he grimaced in pain as his left eye squeezed shut. He breathed heavily through his nose for several long seconds his breaths coming in trembling pants. I tightened my fingers around Leo's limp hand and felt his fingers spasm under mine, then he turned his hand over quickly and grasped my fingers in his own, squeezing them tightly. A fine sheen of sweat coated his face and neck and the exposed ridge of his left eye went rigid as his forehead creased. His teeth ground together with an audible snap and his jaw clenched. The muscles of his jaw bunched and flexed underneath his skin.

Leo hadn't spoken it aloud, but he didn't have to. I could easily see how much pain he was in, he'd only suppressed it because he'd wanted to make sure that I was ok first. Leo was also trying to keep up a brave face for Donny and Mikey, but I knew he wouldn't do the same for me. The pain was slowly killing him, tearing him apart from the inside out, and he was loosing the fight to keep going. He opened his left eye to look at me again briefly then shut it again. I could see in that single look the pleading question for my permission. I squeezed Leo's fingers back and clung to him tightly.

"No, you have to fight this, Leo, you can't give into this thing." I growled my desperation and terror making my voice harsher than I'd meant it to be. But Leo was asking me for something I could never give him. Permission to let go - to die.

"I'll go get more pain medication," Donny said quickly from somewhere over my shoulder. I didn't tear my eyes away from Leo. But I was sure that Donny had seen the way my shoulders had stiffened.

"Mikey, go get some cold compresses," I suggested to give Mikey something to do as he watched anxiously from the doorway. I could tell he was desperately looking for a reason to escape, not wanting to watch Leo suffer any more than he had to. "He's runnin' a little warm here, bro. Gotta get his temperature down."

Mikey nodded once and dashed out of the room, relieved to escape the sight of Leo's suffering.

I turned back to Leo and scowled down at him, my fingers squeezing his so tightly they began to pale as the circulation was cut off. "You can't give up, Leo." I growled furiously.

"Hurts," Leo gasped between his clenched teeth, his left eye opened again and the pain within it took my breath away. I was surprised he had even bother fighting for this long, something told me that he'd been feeling this pain before he'd even woken up.

"I know it does, Leo, but you gotta be strong."

"Yo...you'd take care of...them..." Leo's voice was suddenly calm, reassured and terror ripped through me. Leo tried to tug his hand away but I wouldn't let him.

"No," I snapped angrily my jaw clenched tight. "No you don't get to do this, Leo! You don't! Not now, not this way! Don't you give up! Don't you stop fightin'!" I shook Leo's hand so hard that his whole body shook with it, I could hear his teeth rattle a little. He winced and blinked up at me, sorrow in his eye. "You promise me you'll keep fightin'!" I almost shouted at him.

Leo began to shake his head but I used my other hand, ignoring the pain in my arm at the sudden movement as I gripped his chin stopping the movement.

"You promise!" I growled low and deep, my voice sharp in my pain.

Leo's left eye widened a little then ever so slowly he blinked, seeming to see right through me with that penetrating stare of his. After a few minutes of dead silence, broken only by my heaving breaths and his pained gasps Leo finally sagged a little and he closed his eye again, an exaggerated blink and I let go of his chin, but kept my fingers wrapped around his. I knew he'd keep fighting now, despite the pain Leo wouldn't leave us. I squeezed his fingers gently, a silent thank you. Nothing else was needed.


	3. Chapter 2: Alone

Chapter 2: Alone

_Two weeks ago..._

**Leonardo**

Master Splinter is always telling us when given two choices, always take the harder path. And for a while I thought that the harder path usually seemed to find us. Maybe we are cursed for being what we are. It goes against nature, we're freaks among our own kind and the people that live above us. You'd think that growing up and living the life we do would be hard enough, but apparently fate has a twisted sense of humor.

It had seemed so harmless that night, a night that seemed to be an eternity away now, another life time even. That ill fated night when my brothers and I had decided to go topside after weeks of down time. I knew that we'd all be aching to stretch our legs, burn off some of the stored up energy that had been building up for weeks. None of us liked to be cooped up in the lair for too long, we got restless and eventually started to get on each others nerves. So when Donny had proposed the trip topside to test out his newest invention we'd all jumped at the chance. Turning the exercise into a game I'd let my two youngest brothers have a head start while Raph and I waited, impatiently on his part, for our ten minute head start to run out.

I'd watched Raph a little bemused as he shifted his weight from foot to foot and twirled his sais around with practiced ease. Patience never was one of Raph's strong points, and I'd have laughed if I hadn't felt a little ill at ease. Something was prickling at the back of my mind, a sixth sense one might call it. Something didn't feel right about going out tonight, but I couldn't figure out what it was. When our ten minutes ended I grinned at my brother who'd immediately took to the surface, with me following close behind him.

As I thought back on it now I wished we'd gone a different route, been more aware of our surroundings, or not even gone out to test the stupid things at all. Then all of the following mess could've been avoided.

When I'd woken up a few days later I was disoriented and confused, and then the thought of Raph had sent a fresh dose of adrenaline through me. Donny had tried to calm me down, had tried to reassure me but I was past listening. I wasn't going to believe him until I could see Raph for myself. The last time I'd seen Raph he'd been on his side, staring at me blankly while a black thick substance had been running down his arm, creating a small thick pool by his hand. Our unknown assailant had made to deliver him a finishing blow but I'd jumped between them, stopping my own sword from taking my brother's life. I'd bested her, I remembered that much, and I'd waited while she had fought to catch her breath, both of my katanas safely in my hands. And then there was a flash of movement and my katanas were rendered useless, before I had time to get angry about this there was a flash of metal and then fire had engulfed my face in such blinding white hot agony that all I could do was hold my ruined face in my hands, not even aware that my legs immediately gave out on me as a cry of pain escaped my lips. I didn't remember anything after that until I'd woken in my room with Donny hovering over me.

And then he'd been there, leaning over me one of his hands clamped down on my arms. I'd felt relief wash through me, he was alive, here and breathing right next to me. The adrenaline started to fade, he'd frowned at me, and then his lips had moved but a strange ringing had started in my ears. I couldn't make out what he was saying, the outlines of Raph's face began to blur making him look as though he were a smeared water painting, or one of Mikey's pictures when we were small and he hadn't mastered staying in the lines. Fire curled around my face, making my nerve endings erupt in pain and I'd gasped, breathing in short pants and clenching my hands into fists.

Raph's hand had found mine then, and on impulse I turned my hand around and gripped his fingers in my own. My fingers tightened convulsively on their own accord, I could feel his fingers tense in reaction but he didn't pull away from my grip. Instead he squeezed back, as though trying to tell me something through his touch. But I was beyond listening, beyond knowing anything beyond the pain that threatened to drag me back into blackness.

The pain was bewildering, I was surprised that I could feel so much pain. Living the life we live I'm not a stranger to pain, I've been tackled, poked, jabbed, cut, punched, kicked, beaten to the point of near death, even stabbed with my own katana, but this tromped them all. I could feel the fire licking away at all that was consumable on my face and I opened my eye briefly to look at Raph once again, just to make sure he was still there. My vision was so blurred I could barely make him out, the wavy lines of color made my stomach churn and I quickly closed my eye again.

I couldn't remember anything beyond the pain, not my life, what I was, or even my own name. I just clung to the one thing keeping me grounded, Raph's hand twitched under my tight grasp and I was sure that I was squeezing tight enough to cut off the blood flow, but it was my only outlet to the pain. And even that wasn't enough. Nothing was worth living through this, my entire being didn't equal up to this pain. I could feel myself being dragged into the darkness under the onslaught and I wondered briefly who I'd made so angry in a former life that I had to endure this intense pain.

"No, you have to fight this thing, Leo," Raph growled angrily breaking through the ringing in my ears.

I wanted to listen to him, wanted to fight, but this pain was more than anyone could live with. I wanted to cry out, to scream as the fire continued to burn at my face by my throat was so dry. I needed to tell him, to let him know that I was trying, but the effort was too much. I couldn't push the words past my lips.

"Mikey, go get some cold compresses," Raph ordered. That was strange I hadn't heard Mikey come in.

But was Raph kidding with this? Get a bucket, a hose, anything but a damp cloth. They needed to put out the fire! Couldn't they see it, couldn't they tell it was burning me? I tried to swallow but my throat wasn't working right and that sent a wave of terror through me. My body wasn't responding to my commands, I couldn't feel my legs. Was I dying? I tightened my fingers around Raph's as a cold wave washed over me. I was dying. The pain was killing me.

"You can't give up, Leo," Raph begged in my ear, his voice just shy of cracking.

Didn't he know I was trying? I was fighting as hard as I knew how but I feared this time it wouldn't be enough. And it hurt.

"I know it does, Leo, but you gotta be strong," Raph said grimly.

Had I spoken that last word aloud? I hadn't realized, I couldn't seem to control anything anymore. I had to let him know though - I had to tell him that I trusted him to look after our family. To let him know that this wasn't his fault, if I had to go, if I had to die some horrific death I would gladly do it in the place of one of my brothers. I'd rather die myself then watch them die. There was nothing I wouldn't do for them, and I knew if I hadn't stepped in back there on the roof that our unknown assailant would have killed Raph without batting an eye.

I felt my mouth open and I found I could control my voice again. It cracked and every word was much more effort than it should've been, but I was just happy I could get the words out at all. It was so important that Raph knew.

"No!" Raph snapped angrily at me, his voice rising a little in his distress. "No you don't get to do this, Leo! You don't! Not now, not this way! Don't you give up! Don't you stop fightin'!"

I felt Raph shake my hand, my body was so limp at this point that my whole body shook with it, my teeth rattled together a little and I blinked my eye open up at him in shock. Raph had gotten rough with me before, we'd had plenty of scuffles over the years, but he'd never sounded so terrified and so angry at the same time. How could I do this to him? How could I destroy my brother by giving up? But the pain started to consume me again and the fire burned red hot. I stared at my brother sadly, not sure if I had the strength to fight it this time. I'd come back from so many things in our short life, but this time I was too weak to fight it.

"You promise me you'll keep fightin'!" Raph practically shouted at me.

I began to shake my head as moisture welled up in my eye. I couldn't promise him that, not this time. Nobody could fight this. Raph's other hand shot out and grabbed my chin, stopping me.

"You promise!" Raph growled as he glared down at me, his eyes narrowed and his hot breath hitting my face.

I felt my eye widen in surprise as I stared up at him and I saw him, really saw him. Raph never was one to open up with feelings, we all caught a glimpse of them every so often, but Raph was always quick to slam the doors closed again, but this time he didn't. I could see the raw pain that was slowly eating him up, the guilt of me jumping between them, of me taking the blow for him. He winced at every pained inhale I took and his eyes raked over my face, his lower lip had the imprints of his teeth as he'd ground his teeth into the soft skin so often. He was suffering just as much as I was, feeling just as much pain as I felt, only in his own way. And suddenly I understood. I couldn't die, couldn't just let go and leave Raph here like this. If I didn't fight, if I gave into the pain then Raph would forever have this on his conscience and would have to live with my death hanging over him for the rest of his life. He'd never forgive himself, and he'd never forgive me.

I couldn't do that to him, I couldn't put my brother through that. So even though the fire continued to eat away at my face I blinked slowly up at him, letting him know - making that promise that I wouldn't stop fighting. I saw his shoulders sag a little and then his fingers gently squeezed mine, and I knew he was thanking me. That was enough. As the pain pulled me back to the darkness I concentrated on the feel of Raph's fingers in my own, keeping that connection until I felt no more.

* * *

"Hey, Leo," Mikey greeted me cheerfully from somewhere off to my left.

I winced and turned my head slowly to where I assumed Mikey was standing. I couldn't be sure of course, I couldn't see anything anymore. The last thing I'd ever seen was the fuzzy outline of Raph's face, and the terror Raph had held in his eyes while I'd almost succumbed to the pain that had threatened to take my life. The fire wasn't burning me anymore, I was on enough pain killers to stop me from feeling the wounds that ran diagonally across my face but I knew they were still raw. Donny hadn't been able to stitch them well because of the angle and because whatever that lady had used to claw at my face had managed to scratch both of my eyes.

I'd been terrified the first time I'd woken up again after Raph had been at my bedside, begging me to hold on. I had blinked my eyes open but the darkness had remained. At first I'd thought that perhaps it was night and my brothers were asleep, but then I'd heard movement next to my bed and I'd turned my head and blinked my eyes again. I could still remember that conversation well, as if it had only happened yesterday.

_'Leo, it's so good to see you awake, bro.' Donny's said his voice warm. _

_'Donny?' _

_'Yeah, bro, it's me - you've been out of it for almost a whole week now.' _

_'Where's Raph? And Splinter?' _

_'Take it easy, Leo, everyone's fine they're down having lunch.'_

_I'd felt the frown on my face as I'd contemplated that for a minute and then my voice grew shrill with terror. 'Then why is it so dark in here?'_

_'Leo, what are you talking about?' Donny's voice sounded just as worried as mine now._

_'It's so dark, I can't see anything.'_

_'Leo, all the lights are on it isn't dark in here.'_

_My body had turned cold and I'd gripped the sheets beneath me on impulse. _

_'Donny! I can't see!' _

"Leo?" Mikey's voice was closer now and I could almost see the alarm on his face at my lack of response to his first inquiry. I sighed quietly to myself, I wasn't in the mood to be badgered by my brothers right now. There was a reason I'd come here, to be alone, and I'm sure that Mikey knew that, but still he'd followed me here.

Ever since we'd realized that the damage to my eyes was probably permanent my brothers had been very over bearing. They'd tried to help me at every twist and turn, trying to help me do everything from walking around the lair, to trying to help me eat my food. It was irritating, I was blind not helpless. This was something I had to come to terms with on my own, but they wouldn't let me.

"What is it, Mikey?" I asked begrudgingly.

I heard Mikey draw in a sharp breath and I frowned. I was sitting in the lotus position, trying to focus on meditation on my mat in my room. I was trying to concentrate on getting my temper under control, I was so tired of being treated differently, of having my brothers feel sorry for me. I didn't want them to feel sorry for me, to treat me different. I hadn't changed, I was still the same Leo I had been before, I just couldn't see. Why couldn't they understand that? I didn't want or need their help with anything I'd always been able to do on my own before.

"Uh, I made some lunch. You hungry?" Mikey asked and I heard him take another step towards me until his warm hand rested on my shoulder. I shook it off.

"No."

I could practically hear Mikey's frown. If I could have I would've rolled my eyes.

"I think you should eat somethin', Leo," Mikey said his voice suddenly stern. "You didn't eat breakfast either."

It was my turn to frown. So they were keeping tabs on everything I did now?

"I said I'm not hungry, Michelangelo!" I snapped angrily as I rose swiftly to my feet, my chest heaving with my heavy breathing.

Michelangelo hesitated, I could hear one of his feet brushing against the floor and then he turned away and started towards the door. He paused at the doorway, or just outside, I wasn't sure which. "Ok, Leo, but its down there if you change your mind." And with that he was gone, leaving me once again alone.

* * *

**Michelangelo**

I stared sadly at my brother for a minute, watching as his chest heaved as he breathed heavily in through his nose, his shoulders had squared into their usual position when Leo was going to be stubborn. I knew there was no point in arguing with him, it wouldn't get me anywhere. Leo could be just as stubborn as Raph when he made up his mind. His eerily milky white eyes seemed to see right through me and I suppressed a shudder as I turned away.

I walked quickly out of the room, getting the feeling that Leo really didn't want me in there. Those blank eyes followed me out of the room, it made my skin prickle a little. I stopped at the doorway and turned back to him, he hadn't moved, the only difference was that now his shoulders had loosened a little but his hands had curled into fists.

"Ok, Leo," I told him, offering the promise of food once again. "But its down there if you change your mind."

I don't know why I was bothering, Leo only came down for dinner these days. I was sure that he had to get hungry during the day, but Leo preferred to spend most of his days in his room alone, usually in the lotus position and meditating. Master Splinter had told us it was Leo's way of dealing with everything, but I wasn't sure if I believed him. Leo was trying to pretend that nothing had happened, that nothing had changed, and that wasn't right - was it?

I bit my lip as I started down the stairs to join my brothers for lunch. Leo's handicap made him more vulnerable now, he wouldn't be able to see who or what he was fighting if someone attacked us. He could just as easily turn on us as he could them because he wouldn't know it was us until he actually touched us.

Donny looked up as I entered the kitchen, his eyes expectant, but then a brief look of disappointment crossed his face. I was sure my face had the same expression, but I couldn't tell, I was too numb to feel it.

Raph's eyes narrowed and he shoved his plate angrily away from him and slammed his fist onto the aged wooden table. "Why isn't he comin'?" He demanded hotly as he glared at me.

"He said he's not hungry." I said with a slight shrug of my shoulders. I sat down in my chair and began to tear my sandwich apart, no longer interested in actually eating it.

"He's gonna eat even if I have ta..." Raph started to rise but Donny placed a restraining hand on Raph's shoulder, forcing him to sit again.

"That isn't going to help him, Raph." Donny said sternly as he gave Raph a piercing stare. Raph glared at him for a minute then his shoulders slumped as he stared down at his half eaten sandwich again.

"Yeah, I know - but we've gotta do somethin', Donny!"

Donny toyed with a potato chip on his plate for a minute then crushed it between two of his fingers, letting the small little flakes liter his plate. "Leo is trying to adjust, Raph, we can't just force him to get better. It's gonna take time."

"He's getting worse though, Donny," I interjected as I finished tearing apart my sandwich and started to crush the chips under my fingers.

Donny nodded. "I know, Mikey, but the best thing we can do is just let him know we're here for him. This is something he has to work out on his own."

Raph rose abruptly and threw the rest of his lunch and the plate into the sink, then he turned on his heel and stormed out of the kitchen, his hands fisted at his sides and his shoulders hunched. I was sure that he was on his way to the dojo or his punching bag to blow off some steam. Donny and I didn't try to stop him, we all felt just as helpless as he did, but the best way for Raph to release his feelings were to channel them into physical action.

I blinked down at my plate, staring unseeingly at the ruined sandwich and pulverized chips.

"Mikey, maybe you should go lie down." Donny suggested quietly.

I looked up at him my eyes wide with surprise. "What?"

Donny was looking at me, studying my face closely. "When's the last time you slept more than two hours?"

I blinked in shock. How had he known? "I...I don't remember." I finally admitted.

Donny nodded as if his suspicions were confirmed. "I'll take care of the dishes, you need to get some rest."

"But what about you, Donny? I know you've been working late nights..." I said frowning at him.

Donny stared sadly at the plate I'd made for Leo, the sandwich and chips that would remain untouched. "I'm fine, Mikey."

I knew better than to press the issue, I nodded once and started out of the kitchen, I could hear Donny's chair scrape across the floor as he too rose, and Raph's heavy grunting as he began to pummel his punching bag.

I walked slowly through the lair, my arms wrapped around my chest, biting my lower lip while I kept my eyes on the floor. Things were so different around here now, so quiet. The video games that I'd spent hours playing were now piled up in the corner collecting dust, the TV was rarely turned on anymore and even my comic books had gone untouched for a couple of weeks now. Ever since Leo's accident, they just didn't seem that important anymore.

I climbed wearily up the stairs, feeling the drag of my feet on the cold metal as I dragged myself up to my room. I was tired. I couldn't remember the last time that I'd slept well, surely before Leo had gotten injured, but that felt like another lifetime now. How much longer could this last before one of us snapped from the pressure? A month? A week? I wasn't sure if Raph was going to last another few days with how quickly his temper was flaring up the past couple of days.

Leo and Raph had always butted heads, Raph had never taken well to being told what to do and Leo had always done what he thought was best for the four of us, making him seem like a teacher's pet at times. Raph had often made Leo bristle when bringing that up by calling him 'Splinter Jr.' and I'd often wondered if Raph was just jealous of the bond that Leo and Splinter had. But this was something else, the way Raph was acting these days had nothing to do with Leo always doing what Splinter told us to do, mainly because Leo spent so little time with us, and most of the time he was with us he wouldn't talk to any of us unless we spoke to him directly.

No I had a feeling this was about Leo's injury, and Raph's guilt. I knew that this was eating my older brother up, he could barely look at Leo these days and every time he did he'd flinch and quickly look away again.

I'd be the first to admit that Leo's scars weren't the most pleasant things to look at. Still as raw and fresh as they are with a the stitches still keeping the skin sewn tightly together I have a hard time looking myself. The swelling finally went down after several days and the shallower ends of the cuts began to scab over but the deeper parts of his wounds had had to be sewn, and while the job had been difficult Donny had managed to accomplish that task.

The top stair creaked under my weight and wobbled a little, I frowned at it, the ridges over my eyes met over the bridge of my nose. I'd have to talk to Donny about that, make sure it wasn't loose. The last thing we needed was for that to give out on Leo when he tried to make his way up or down the stairs, his reflexes weren't as fast as they once were and I doubt he'd be able to get himself to safety if those stairs gave out from under him.

I started for my room, looking forward to a nap now as my eyes seemed to forget how to open temporarily after every blink. I took two steps, but then stopped, frowning a little to myself. Was that music? I followed the sounds of a piano solo coming from my brother's room and paused just outside of Leo's door, leaning my shoulder against the door frame while I watched him silently.

Leo was sitting on the edge of his bed, a small red radio held in his hands, his fingers twiddling with the single knob. He was frowning, his blank eyes staring up at the ceiling while he twisted the knob around, searching for something that he wanted to listen to. His fingers turned the knob a little to the left and static drowned out whatever song he had managed to coax out of the radio. Leo's frown deepened and I saw a vein bulge on his forehead as he twisted the knob back to the right. The static got louder and he impatiently turned the knob further, searching for that single station he'd been able to find. I could see the muscles in his jaw bunch and release with his frustration as his search turned out to be fruitless.

"You want some help?" I offered stepping into the room.

Leo twitched a little but otherwise seemed unsurprised by my presence. He'd probably heard me coming. His other senses, trying to compensate for his lack of sight, had been enhanced leaving him much more sensitive to sound and smell. He could often tell who was coming into his room by the way we walked. He said nothing as I approached the bed, I reached down and gently plucked the red radio out of his hands and turned the knob slowly to the left, going much slower than he had as I searched for one of the three stations we could actually get down here that wasn't drowned out by the static.

On my third turn the music once again began to filter through the static, and with another slight twist the static disappeared.

_'I know he's livin' in Hell every single day. _

_So I ask oh God is there some for me to take his place...?' _

Leo snatched the radio back from me quickly and twisted the knob again drowning the words out with the static once more. He scowled at the ceiling while the muscles in his jaw bunched.

"You ok, Leo?"

Leo's shoulders stiffened and a muscle in his jaw twitched. I sighed and massaged the back of my neck gingerly for a minute. It was obvious that he wanted to be left alone, I don't think he'd realized that I was upstairs until he'd heard me at the door, he'd been so focused on making the stupid radio work that he hadn't been as observant as he normally was.

"If you need anything..." I started letting the offer trail off. I knew it was a wasted effort, Leo never asked for anything anymore. It didn't mean that he still didn't need things, he just preferred to get them himself, act as though nothing had changed. I turned away and walked slowly out of his room, as if a part of me was hoping he'd call me back, would open up to me, would let me know how bad he was hurting. He didn't.

As I turned down the hall to head to my own room and my awaiting bed I heard the unmistakable sound of plastic hitting brick and then the static faded into nothingness.

* * *

A/N: I know this chapter is a little shorter than my usual - but I wanted to get this posted before this weekend as I will be busy with my husband's birthday. I will try and get another chapter written and posted next week.

I'd like to say thank you for the reviews I got for the last chapter, since I do seem to have a few people interested in this story I will continue to work on it and will see this one through to the end. Thank you for the support it means a lot to me and I appreciate it.

Lyrics are from Permanent by David Cook


	4. Chapter 3: He's Living In Hell

A/N: Sorry I know it has been a few weeks since I updated this story. Real life has been really hard for me the past few weeks and I've been struggling to keep up with it and I've had so much I've had to do I haven't had the time to write. Thank you for those who've left me reviews, I tried hard to get this chapter written so I could get it posted, I'm not sure if I'm too happy with it but I figure that you've waited long enough. I'll try and update again soon.

* * *

Chapter 3: He's Living In Hell Every Single Day

_Present..._

**Raphael**

How the shell could things go down hill so freaking fast? And why was our turtle luck always running true to form? Why couldn't we get one freaking break for all the good we've accomplished? Why is it that life always throws us the junk hand?

I felt the corners of my mouth turn down in a frown as I opened the fridge with more force than necessary making the contents on the shelves quiver a little. I reached for the milk and slammed the door, knowing I was making more noise than necessary but I didn't really care right now. Donny had called Mikey and I into his lab late last night after Leo had already gone to bed.

The past couple of weeks had been hard on us, Leo especially, but none of us had gotten much sleep. The wounds on Leo's face had begun to close well, leaving those hideous looking scars in their place, but Leo was still in a lot of pain. He tried to hide it from us but we could all see through it, the way his jaw clenched and the muscles bulged. The way the vein in his temple would throb and he'd go silent or how he'd meditate more often than usual in an attempt to escape if only for a while. He talked less, when the stitches were still fresh any movement he made had a potential of popping out those delicate stitches, and a few of them had popped. Every time Donny had had to replace them Leo had gotten quieter, until he rarely spoke to us at all.

Donny had done a lot of research on damage to the eyes, and had learned quite a bit about their function, healing, and just about anything else you could possibly want to know about them. But he hadn't found a way to really help our brother. Which is the reason he'd called us into the lab last night. My frown deepened as I remembered the defeated look on my younger brother's face as he told us that while Leo's condition was stabilized it was also most likely permanent. There was no magical cure for blindness, no scientific reversal for what had been done to Leo. I'd felt the disappointment of my brothers weigh down just as heavily on me as my own did.

We'd all been riding on that little bit of hope that perhaps Leo's condition wasn't permanent, that maybe he'd heal from this injury with just a few more battle scars. Donny had been hopeful at first and had tried to stay positive as he'd invented a few things to make Leo's life a little easier at the moment. A walking stick to help him get around the lair and some daily tricks that helped blind people get around from day to day. Leo had been resistant, wanting to figure this out on his own. He avoided us most of the time, but what little time he spent with us he was subdued and stubborn.

Mikey had tried to help Donny out by watching Daredevil. Not that that was much help. Leo hadn't had his sight taken away from him with some neculear waste that had been in the city - his other senses weren't going to help him see again. But Mikey actually picked up a few things from the movie much to my surprise. He gave his suggestions to Donny who nodded and filed them away for future references.

Reaching up for the box of raisin bran I heard the soft sounds of someone's approaching feet on the cold cement floor.

"Umph," Leo's breath came out in a grunt as he bumped into the wall. I turned automatically to see him stumble back a couple steps, the impact enough to stun him and knock the air out of his lungs. Much to my dismay I saw that Leo's hands were once again void of any walking stick. I scowled at him.

"Leo, where's your walking stick?" I demanded as I grabbed what I hoped was a clean bowl from the side of the sink and popped open the top of the cereal box. The bits of grain and raisin tinkled gently as they hit the ceramic dish.

"I don't need it," Leo snapped back at me as he reached forward with one hand, feeling for one of the kitchen chairs that surrounded the table. I watched him through narrowed eyes as he slowly made his way forward, his feet shuffling against the cold floor as he felt his way across the room to the table. At last his fingers landed on the back of one of the chairs, he pulled it towards him, feeling the seat of the chair for a minute before he gingerly sat down and leaned back cautiously. I glowered at him as I poured the milk into my cereal, not even noticing when a bit of it spilled over the sides.

"Hey, Leo," Mikey greeted cheerfully as he entered the kitchen, Klunk trotting along at his heels. The orange cat was purring loudly as he watched Mikey reach up for a bag of kibble, he meowed hungrily and rubbed his small head against Mikey's ankle, his long tail twitched a little. Mikey poured a cup into Klunk's dish and rubbed the orange cat under his chin, his expression soft as he stared lovingly at the cat. I took my bowl over to the table and sat down as far from Leo as I could, determined not to look at him as I began to eat breakfast.

"Morning," Leo said curtly, as he nodded once in the direction he thought Mikey's voice had come from. Mikey didn't seem to notice that Leo was nodding towards the wall.

I sighed quietly to myself while I spooned another mouthful of grain and raisin into my mouth. I never thought I'd miss the old Leo, but the new Leo was grinding on my nerves. He'd been so much colder these days, much like he was after Karai had stabbed him with his own katana. Leo had been angry, stubborn, and cold for a couple of months, all he'd ever done was train, pushing us to our breaking points, always beating the shell out of us. He'd gotten angry if we were defeated in battle, never seeming to be satisfied with what we accomplished. It was never enough. And then one day he'd finally lost it, while have a katana lesson with Master Splinter his temper had gotten the better of him and he'd actually hurt Splinter with his sword.

I'd been shocked and appalled, and more than that angry. I couldn't understand how Leo could do such a thing at the time. He'd always looked out for the family, the last thing he'd ever want to do was hurt one of us. Shell, he'd been the one to stop me from smashing Mikey's skull in with a lead pipe when I'd lost control of my temper one day. So how could he turn around and do something just as bad to Master Splinter?

Leo had seemed to be in shock, and the katana had fallen from his nerveless fingers as he'd rushed forward to apologize. His whole body bowed under his shame and he'd stared down at the floor all the anger suddenly drained out of him, leaving a husk where my brother used to be. After that Splinter had sent him off to Japan to study with the Ancient One. We hadn't heard from him for over two months and the lair had been very lonely and quiet without him.

This time was different though, Leo didn't lock himself away in the dojo or anywhere else training. He spent the majority of his time in his room, sulking from the looks of it with the occasional meditation session to break that up. But he wouldn't accept any help with anything either. He always pushed us away if we tried, snapping at us if he felt we were hovering, and maybe we were, but what else could we do?

I'd never felt so helpless, all I could do was stand by and watch while Leo tried to sort through this on his own. Watch him as he ran into things, trip on things that we'd left on the floor, knock over his water glass at dinner, miss the items on his plate because he couldn't see them. He always left the room whenever the TV was on, not that any of us watched it much these days. Occasionally we'd turn on the news to see what was going on topside, but whenever we did Leo would stiffen, turn abruptly and try to walk as fast as he could to the stairs to go to his room. Mikey didn't even play his video games anymore, they sat forgotten in an out of the way corner collecting dust. Somehow the lair just didn't feel right unless Mikey was blasting space ships and bragging about his high video game scores.

Even Mikey had changed, he didn't joke as much and his face was always set in the tight worried lines that I'd come to hate. Mikey shouldn't look so worried - it wasn't right. Mikey was supposed to be carefree. The one who got on all our nerves, who was always playing practical jokes. Not these days. These days he was serious, ignoring his comic books and putting in extra training hours. I could see Donny look at him with an odd expression, worry in his eyes. That always confused me a little, I was worried about Mikey myself but Donny looked terrified. There was no other way to describe the look in his eyes when he looked at our youngest brother. And if Donny was worried then I was really worried. Was there something going on with Mikey too that Donny wasn't saying? I had decided to keep a closer eye on our youngest brother, just in case.

"You want somethin' to eat, Leo?" Mikey asked as he opened the fridge and pulled out a carton of eggs, the last of the milk and a loaf of bread.

Leo shook his head.

I frowned at him, I knew Leo wasn't eating as much as he should and he was already showing the signs of someone who had lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time. None of us had ever been fat, with as often as we trained or had confrontations with the purple dragons, the foot, or street gang we were always in tip top shape. But Leo's muscle span had already begun to deteriorate, the skin on his face clung tighter to his jaw line, easily making the bone visible.

"You should eat somethin', Leo," I said sharply as I finished the last of my cereal and rose to wash out the bowl.

From the corner of my eye I saw Mikey give me a warning look but I ignored it. I wasn't going to sit here and watch my brother waste away to nothing. Even if that mean shoving food down his throat I'd do it. Leo was blind not dead and there was no way in shell that I was going to let him give up. Leo had always been the best of us, the level headed one, the one who took care of this family. And now he was just gonna give up? Let this injury take him - take over him? No way! I wasn't gonna let that happen, I would pull Leo through this, I would help him overcome it, we would get through it together. Even if I had to drag him every step of the way he would pull through this.

Leo's scarred face turned towards me, scowling a little. From this angle I could see the thick ropey scars that now defined his face perfectly. I winced and looked away, unable to stare at those hideous scars that Leo had gotten because he'd been trying to protect me. Those scars that would forever haunt me because they'd never go away and I knew that the guilt they brought with them would never go away either.

"I'm not hungry, Raphael," Leo said irritably, then he rose swiftly, wincing a little as he bumped his knees against the table. I flinched when he gasped but refused to look at him, trying to ignore the sickness that threatened to consume me. I let him leave, my head ducking in shame as I heard his feet shuffling along the floor as he made his way back to the stairs, and probably his room.

"He's getting worse," Mikey said as he cracked an egg against the edge of the frying pan. He dropped the contents into the sizzling butter and grabbed a couple pieces of bread from the bag and put them in the toaster.

"I know," I said nodding once as I tossed the bowl into the sink. It clattered loudly and Mikey flinched at the noise. I turned my back to the sink basin, ignoring my dirty bowl as I leaned my shell against the counter and crossed my arms over my chest, I glowered at my feet chewing my bottom lip.

I had known that Leo was getting worse for a while, he'd begun to deteriorate from the moment he'd opened his eyes and realized that his sight had been taken from him. But I had no idea on how to get him out of his downward spiral. Splinter had told us that we had to let Leo adjust to this on his own, give him time and space, but all that that was doing was making him worse. He wasn't dealing with it - he was trying to ignore it, as if he hoped that it would just go away on its own. We all knew different, and I was sure Leo knew it too, but still he insisted on hiding away from us, refusing to train, and deflecting any help we tried to give him.

"What are we gonna do?" Mikey asked as he turned to me. I looked up at our youngest brother - to his innocent eyes that were wide with concern and fear, to the way his lips trembled, though he tried to press them together to hide it.

I rubbed the back of my head and tried to make my voice as reassuring as I could. "We're gonna do what Splinter said, Mikey, just let him know that were here for him and hope that that's enough to help get him through this."

"He's gonna be ok though - isn't he, Raph?" Mikey asked a bit of that innocence we'd been missing for the past few weeks escaping with that single plea for Leo to be ok. For him to over come this new challenge that had been tossed at him.

I couldn't break Mikey's hope, that last piece of innocence that he was clinging to. To him we were unstoppable. Leo and I had always over come whatever had been thrown our way. We'd had our ups and downs along the way, times that had terrified our family, but we'd always come out on top. How could I tell Mikey that Leo might not do that this time? That Leo might have been taken to the point of no return, a point where Leo wouldn't want to keep going anymore. If I told Mikey the truth it would break him just as badly as Leo was already broken. I wouldn't do that to him - I wouldn't be the one who broke his faith in us.

"Yeah, Mikey," I lied my voice somber but my face set with determination. If it was the last thing I'd ever do I would help Leo get through this. If not for himself, then for Mikey. "We'll get him through this, Leo will be just fine."

* * *

"Raph?"

I turned away from the TV that I wasn't watching. Whatever show I'd flipped to while I'd been on autopilot droned on and on while I'd been lost inside my own head. I hadn't even consciously decided to come out here and watch TV, it was something that Mikey usually did - to me the TV was usually just background noise. I'd only ever been interested in watching wrestling matches, and had usually had to fight Mikey over the remote whenever a match came on that I wanted to see. Mikey was usually plopped down on the couch with a bowl of popcorn or other treat while he channel surfed or played his video games. I was usually the one who was pummeling my punching bag and working with the wooden post while Leo went off for his after breakfast meditation and Donny disappeared into his lab until our morning training session.

Donny stood behind the couch now, his whole body tensed with whatever it was he was about to tell me. I could tell from the look on his face that it wasn't good news and I wasn't sure if I really wanted to hear this. How many more blows could our family take? What had we ever done to get dealt this crappy hand anyway?

"What is it?" I asked my voice sounding dull and empty even to me.

Donny looked over his shoulder and I followed his gaze to see Mikey sitting in the far corner with Klunk. He was rubbing the cat under the chin and talking to it quietly. Klunk's tail twitched a little as Mikey pulled out a small piece of string and began to trail it in front of Klunk. The cat watched it for a minute, his back went rigid and his whole body seemed to follow the string's progress for a few seconds before the temptation was too great and he pounced on it. Mikey lifted the string into the air and Klunk jumped up at it, trying to catch it with his two front paws. I frowned at the expression on Mikey's face as he continued with Klunk's game, although Klunk seemed thrilled with the string game Mikey's face was empty, it was as if the lights were on but Mikey wasn't home.

"Can you come in here a minute," Donny said under his breath as I turned back to look at him. "I need to show you something."

"Yeah, sure," I agreed as I sent another worried look at Mikey. The string had now fallen from his fingers and he sat next to Klunk watching him blankly while Klunk amused himself by batting at the string to make it move. I rose stiffly from the couch and followed Donny to his lab.

Donny was leaning over one of the desks where several of his homemade computers sat, their fans sounded loud in the otherwise quiet room. I grabbed one of the empty chairs, swung it around and straddled it, crossing my arms over the back of it and resting my head on my wrists. "What is it, Donny?"

"I was just looking over some of Leo's tests, I've been checking his corneas and lens every few days ever since the accident," Donny explained as he moved the mouse slowly over the mousepad and clicked at something he was looking at. "He's getting worse, Raph. The damage isn't healing well. It's just creating a lot of scar tissue that'll make it improbable if not impossible for him to see again." Donny sighed and looked at me over his shoulder, his body slumped in defeat.

"What are his chances?"

Donny shook his head. "That's hard to tell, less than what it was before - we have to accept the fact that Leo might not ever see again, Raph."

"We can't let that happen, Donny!" I snapped I was on my feet again, although I didn't remember standing. My breathing was suddenly heavy and my hands were balled into fists at my sides.

"I'm not sure what else I can do, Raph," Donny admitted. He turned back to his computer and clicked on something else that only he could see. "If his rate of deterioration continues at the pace it has been then there isn't anything I'll be able to do to stop it."

"Isn't there somethin' you can do about it now?"

"No, Leo's condition is still to delicate, the wounds around his eyes are still too fresh - there isn't anything I could do that wouldn't make him worse. It'll take months for those scars to heal over completely and by then it'll be too late to do anything about Leo's condition."

I scowled at Donny feeling the anger that had been building in my gut for days boil towards the top. "Then what are we supposed to do, Donny? Just sit on our shells and watch while it happens?"

"Raph," Donny sighed and he rubbed a hand over his face, he suddenly looked very tired and I instantly felt sorry for him. Donny had been working almost nonstop since Leo had gotten hurt. He had been trying to help our brother out with this new situation in every way he could, despite Leo's resistance to his help. I knew Donny found that frustrating but Donny kept his own feelings reined in, he knew that Leo was only pulling away because Leo didn't want to face the situation, shell none of us did, but we knew that it wouldn't just go away on its own if we ignored it. And since Leo wasn't facing the reality of the situation the rest of us had to.

"If there was some way to stop this without hurting Leo further trust me I'd do it in a heartbeat. But if we attempt to do something about this now - it would only end up hurting Leo further, we could cause more damage than we would good. This is something we've never dealt with before, something we've never_ had _to deal with before. I'm worried that if we do something blindly that we could ruin any chances of Leo healing on his own. By interfering we could actually just destroy any chance he already has and then we won't be able to do anything to fix it afterward."

"So what do we do now, Donny?" I asked defeated.

"We need to help Leo get used to living a normal life without his eyesight. He can't spend the rest of his life in his room."

"We've been trying, Donny - Leo doesn't want our help!"

"He may not want it, Raph, but he needs it."

"So why aren't you telling Mikey this too?" I snapped as I crossed my arms over my chest.

"I think you already know the answer to that question, Raph," Donny said quietly, he refused to meet my eyes but instead concentrated on a spot on the dirty floor.

I frowned at him. How would I know the answer to why Donny was telling me this stuff and not Mikey? Because Mikey was younger? Because Donny was trying to protect him? That wasn't right, if we were going to help Leo adjust to a normal life without his sight he was going to need all of us, not just me, so why was Donny dumping this on my shoulders? Because I was the second oldest? Because I was the top choice for leader if Leo was out of the picture? But Leo was still here! And even though he might not be able to see that didn't mean that his role as '_fearless leader' _had gone too.

Maybe it had to do with Leo's condition itself. Because I had been the one to see it happen - I had been the one to make Leo hang on, to stop him from giving up. Did Donny know about that? The only two in the room when I'd made Leo promise not to give up had been me and Leo. Donny couldn't know about that could he? Was it because I'd seen what had happened to Leo when he'd lost his eyesight? Was it because of how Leo lost his eyesight?

And then my body went rigid as I knew I'd hit the mark. Donny was watching me careful and his body tensed a little as he saw my own body stiffen with the realization and reality of the situation.

"He blames me for what happened?" I whispered to myself as I dropped my eyes to the floor.

I wasn't angry, I didn't blame Leo for blaming me. After all if I'd been paying better attention, if I hadn't let my guard down, if I'd just been faster - if I'd moved out of the way in the first place than none of this would've happened.

"Leo doesn't blame you, Raph," Donny reassured as he placed a warm hand on my shoulder. "Leo would never blame you for this. It wasn't your fault - you didn't do anything wrong. Leo did what he did because he loves you - he loves all of us, he'd do anything for us. If anything I think that this is probably the only thing he doesn't regret about this whole situation, the fact that he spared you from having to go through it while he stood idly by and watched helplessly from the sidelines." He squeezed my shoulder gently but I shrugged it off. What he was saying didn't make sense - how could Leo not hate me?

"Raph," Donny hedged and I looked up to see him chewing his lower lip. "You remember when the Shredder attacked us at April's antique shop?"

"Like I could forget it," I snapped impatiently. "What's your point?"

"Well," Donny said slowly he was watching me carefully as if expecting me to remember something on my own. I just frowned at him. "When we got Leo out of there and up to Casey's Grandma's place Leo was in really bad shape - he was barely hanging on and every minute that passed he slipped further and further away from us. Splinter said that it hadn't only been Leo's body that had been injured but his spirit as well. We all started to talk to him, trying to help him come back remember?"

I nodded once I was starting to get really irritated now. What the shell did this have to do with anything?

"Raph, the only one he really responded to - was you," Donny finished quietly.

I frowned at him. That wasn't true - if I remembered right it was Splinter's story that had finally brought Leo around.

Donny held up his hands, stopping me from saying so - as if he could read my mind. "I know what it was that finally brought Leo around, Raph, but it was you he responded to. Whenever you talked to him, were close to him, touched him he'd react. He was alive when you were close to him - he needed you then, and he needs you now!"

I gaped at him, too stunned to respond to that. Donny glared at me for a few more seconds then walked out of his lab, probably to check on Mikey. I couldn't move, I was frozen to the ground I stood upon. What was I supposed to do now? How was I supposed to help Leo through this? Leo had always been the one to take the lead, to get us through the rough patches. Leo's strength had always been enough, but now Leo was the one who needed someone else to be strong, needed _me _to be strong. But could I do it?

I thought back to all the times Leo had ever been there for me, and the times he had ever not been there for me. There were endless times that Leo had saved my sorry shell, had stopped me from doing something stupid, had comforted me when I needed it the most, and only a couple when Leo hadn't been there - and those were usually because I'd stormed off on my own while Leo stayed behind to help patch something up between my other brothers, usually a fight that I'd started or been a part of. But those weren't very often, there were only a couple that came to mind. I straightened a little an started out of the lab, my jaw set and determined. If Leo could be there for me my whole life, getting me through my roughest patches then I sure as shell wasn't going to give up on him while he stumbled and tripped through his roughest patch. I was gonna help Leo through this, even if I had to carry him on my shell the whole way.

* * *

My confidence wavered as I approached Leo's room a short time later, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say to help bring Leo around, to make him see that he needed our help if he was going to make it through this. How does one say something like that to someone who's always been the strongest and most confident? My feet scuffed against the floor and I rubbed the skin on my arms vigorously as if I were cold.

I couldn't let my own insecurities stop me from helping Leo now, even if he didn't think he wanted my help. If what Donny said was true than I was the only one that could get through to him, so I had to try.

Leo's door was open, it usually was these days, if it was closed Leo would often run into it. We kept most of the doors open all the time now for Leo's sake, it just made things easier for all of us and then none of us had the guilty conscience when Leo's grunt of pain echoed around the lair when he ran into a closed door.

"Leo?" I asked as I knocked against the door frame anyway, it still felt awkward just letting myself into Leo's room without his permission. If anyone tried to do that with my room they'd have been tossed out on their shells.

Leo was sitting on the edge of his bed, his blank eyes staring up at the ceiling, I wasn't sure if that was a conscious effort or not, sometimes Leo's eyes just kind of roamed around on their own. Leo was turning something over and over in his hands, something metal and shiny, it caught the light with every turn. I frowned at it, feeling an uneasy clenching in my gut as I approached my silent brother.

Leo sighed as I got closer and stopped turning the object in his hands, his whole body seemed to slump a little as I sat down next to him. His head dropped and he tucked his chin down towards his plastron. "What do you want, Raphael?" He asked in a dull voice, nothing like the tone he usually used when talking to one of us.

I flinched as he said my name. Leo only spoke our full names when he was upset, worried, or angry with us. It wasn't something we really thought about on a normal basis. We'd come up with our abbriviated names at an early age as they'd been easier to say when we'd first been learning to talk. Splinter hadn't seemed to care, though he always called us by our full names.

"Just wanted to see if you were ok, Leo," I said as I casually scratched the back of my head and stared up at the ceiling.

Leo's snort of laughter was forced. "You already know the answer to that. So tell me why you really came up here."

This was going to be harder than I thought, but I knew I couldn't _not _try to help him. Leo wasn't going to get through this if he didn't let us help him.

"Donny sent you up here to check on me," Leo snapped before I could think of something to say.

"I didn't come up here to check on you, Leo," I said a little defensively. Leo snorted in disbelief and I frowned at him, even though he couldn't see the expression on my face. "Leo, we have to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about," Leo said angrily and suddenly he was on his feet and slowly making his way across the room as if he were going to leave.

Gritting my teeth I leapt to my own feet and quickly hurried after him. I caught him after a couple of steps and turned him around roughly, he staggered a bit and I gripped his arms to help balance him and to stop him from trying to leave again.

"Oh yes we do!" I growled angrily as my fingers dug into the soft flesh of his arms. Leo winced and tried to pull away but I only tightened my grip. I'd had enough of Leo avoiding us because of what happened to him. If he was going to get through this the first thing he was going to have to do was come to grips with what had happened to him rather than always running away from it. And then my blood ran cold, my skin prickled and my jaw opened in surprise as I realized that this was exactly what Leo was doing. He was running away from the problem, trying to avoid it in hopes that it would just go away on its own. He was scared, just like we all were, but instead of facing the reality he was ignoring it, and that was what was keeping us from being able to help him. Because until Leo accepted this he wouldn't let us help him.

Leo took advantage of my moment of hesitation and pulled free of my clenching hands, he rubbed slowly at the spots where I'd gripped him and I was sure that there would be bruises the shape and size of my fingers there tomorrow. But I couldn't worry about that right now.

I breathed deeply as I stared blankly at my brother, his own breathing was heavy and his milky eyes fixed on a single spot on the ceiling as if glued to it. He was still rubbing his arm as if trying to rub away the marks I'd left on his skin, I knew I'd feel bad about those tomorrow. I had to think of something to help him, to get him through this. I'd done the blind thing myself but for me it had only lasted a couple hours and whatever had been in that miniature bomb had not left me with any scars that would forever mar my face. This was so much different for Leo - his blindness was most likely permanent and the scars that were on his face would most likely always be there, they might fade over time but I doubted that they'd ever truly fade away.

But still I could relate to him on some level, I had known what it had felt like to be totally helpless and feeling vulnerable beyond words without my sight when I'd realized with horror that it had been taken from me. I'd been on my own, trying to protect that kid, Tyler I think, while I had been out looking for Splinter after our battle with the Shredder. If Tyler hadn't been there I would have been one dead turtle - he'd helped me get away but he'd had to literally direct me and tell me everything that might have been in my path as we ran across the rooftops. Tyler had helped me, and now it was my turn to help my brother.

"Then spit it out, Raph, and leave me alone," Leo said walking slowly back towards his bed and sitting down on the edge again, he began spinning whatever it was around in his hands his fingers running along the edges. After a minute I recognized it as a shuriken, the sharp edges ran along my brother's fingers and again I felt an uneasy clenching in my gut. Why was Leo playing with it? I rejoined him sitting so close I could feel the heat from his body.

"We're gonna get through this, Leo," I said as confidently as I could muster while not being able to look in his direction.

Leo shrugged in response, turning the shuriken over in his fingers again.

"We can help you, Leo, we can get you through this," I said more firmly this time, wishing that he'd believe these words.

Leo started to laugh, softly at first but then it grew louder and harder, I felt the shock on my face as Leo's laughter got colder and more forced with the passing seconds.

"Raph," Leo finally said when he was done laughing. "You and I both know that we're not going to get me through this. There _is _no getting through this. This isn't something that isn't just going to go away on its own. This is something I'm going to have to face every day for the rest of my life. There's nothing that you or anyone else can do to change that. I have to figure this out on my own."

Well, at least he saw the reality of the situation. I watched the shuriken spin around in Leo's hands frowning at it a little, unable to look Leo in the face.

"I don't want your help," Leo said quietly after a few minutes of silence. I looked up at him my eyes wide with surprise, then I narrowed them angrily.

"It doesn't matter if you want our help, Leo," I said hotly as my hands automatically balled into fists. "You need our help whether you want it or not. This is something new for all of us, we all have to adjust here, but it'd make things a lot easier for all of us if you'd just let us help you! Like it or not there are some things you won't be able to do on your own anymore, that's something that we all need to work with - but if you work with us rather than fighting against us then we'd be able to help you and in the long run that would help us."

Leo frowned and stopped turning the shuriken, then slowly his head turned in my direction his milky eyes still staring up at the ceiling but at least I knew I'd caught his attention. I knew I'd played a dirty hand, if there was one thing Leo couldn't not do it was help us. No matter what that required from him he'd go to the ends of the earth to do anything for us. He'd always been like that, sure he was a pain in the shell most days but when it came right down to it - Leo was the head of this team. He would direct us in which way to go and he'd never steered us wrong.

"Leo," I said softer now letting my voice become warm and inviting so that Leo would actually hear what I had to say. It was the tone that I rarely used, one when my brothers really needed me, if they were hurt or terrified. Leo needed it now. I placed a hand on Leo's arm, feeling the muscles tense under my touch but Leo didn't pulll away. "I know how it feels, Leo, I do. The helplessness, the endless black - but you aren't alone, bro. You've got us."

"Raph," Leo's voice was barely more than a whisper. I leaned in a bit closer to catch what he was going to say. "I'm scared."

I nodded knowing that feeling all too well myself from when I'd experienced my lack of sight. "I know, bro, but we'll getcha through this. It'll be ok."

Leo shook his head and tried to pull his arm away, this time I let him. He stood up and walked a few paces away from me, his arms limp at his sides, the shuriken falling from his fingers. "You don't understand," Leo whispered his voice even softer now.

I frowned at his shell, confusion pulling the ridges over my eyes together. "What is it?"

I had a feeling that this wasn't about Leo, but about something else. Something else was eating him but I couldn't really understand what that was.

"I'm not going to be able to be there for you guys anymore," Leo's head dropped and his shoulders drooped. "I can't protect you, can't lead you, I'm no go to you guys anymore."

Instantly I was on my feet and at his side spinning him around and gripping his shoulders tightly. "Leo, that isn't true!"

"Isn't it? Tell me exactly what it is that I can do for this team now, Raph!" Leo snapped as he broke my grip on him. He took a couple of steps back and waited half a second. "I can't see! I can't fight! I can't do anything! Shell I can't even eat my own dinner without knocking something over. What good could I do if we ran into Hun or the street gang? I'd stand there and be a target for everyone, so please tell me exactly what is it that I'm contributing to this team these days?"

"Leo, you're our brother - you are always going to be an important part of this team and this family," I said firmly. "There are always ways to work around disabilities, we can work with you - help you learn how to fight without seeing. Splinter is willing to teach you."

"What good would it do in a real fight, Raph? I could turn on you guys just as easily as whoever it is I'm supposed to be fighting."

So this was what was really bugging him? Feeling like he'd betray us in a fight because he couldn't see who it was he was fighting? Not being able to help us? Feeling like he failed us? I should've known, Leo had always been really hard on himself when he felt like he had failed at something.

I grabbed his upper arm, and lead him back to the bed, sitting him down on the edge, Leo didn't fight. Once he was sittiing I sat on the floor in front of him, not touching him, but sitting absolutely still.

"Leo, I want you to really focus and tell me what it is you hear right now. Now just us but everything else."

Leo frowned. "Why?"

"Just humor me," I insisted. I closed my eyes and waited.

"Someone's in the kitchen," Leo said softly and then paused. "Some paper is rustling, maybe a newspaper?"

I nodded, that would probably be Donny reading the paper. "Go on," I instructed.

"The TV is on, Mikey's watching cartoons and Splinter is walking to the dojo I can hear his cane."

I opened my eyes and looked at him. Leo was frowning in concentration and his eyes had closed even though he could have kept them open - it wouldn't have made any difference. "Now, tell me, what do you smell?"

It was quiet for a few minutes while Leo focused. "Burnt bread?"

I laughed a little, it was probably the toast Mikey had made for breakfast that Leo was smelling. "What else?"

Leo's frown deepened. "Stone, leather, water..."

"Keep going," I insisted I knew he could do this.

"Is that you?" He asked after a few minutes.

"You smell me?"

Leo shrugged looking a little confused. "It's kind of a musty smell."

My eyes widened in shock. He thought I smelled musty? "No, Leo that isn't me."

"Maybe Mikey's been hiding food in his room," Leo said with a slight shrug.

I grinned at him. "You see, Leo, your other senses are making up for your lack of sight. The more you let your other senses see for you the better you'll get at this. Just give it time, we can help you."

"You really think I can do this, Raph?"

"You know I do, Leo."

Leo nodded once and sighed. "Ok, then lets get back to work."


	5. Chapter 4: Changes

A/N: Hey guys thank you for the reviews for the last chapter. This next chapter is more like a transitional chapter in which Leo tries to adapt to the every day challenges and changes he has to face. I was debating on whether to just skip this chapter and move on with the story but I realized that I couldn't do that because this is an important part to the story. Now my knowledge on braille is very limited as I'm not blind, nor do I have a blind relative or friend so I apologize in advance for any errors in this chapter. Also I apologize for any delays with future updates right now real life is crazy and my time is tied up a lot these days. Usually I try and get a chapter written on the weekends but right now I'm trying to get a cross stitch finished for an old family friend for his birthday next month and I'm running out of time because I haven't had the time to work on it. If any one has ever done cross stitch before you know how time consuming it is - I promised my Mom I'd make it for him so I need to get it done. I will update as often as I can I promise and I'll try not to make you wait too long for updates. I might only be able to updates every couple of weeks instead of every week so I hope you guys are patient with me with this. I'll get the next chapter posted as soon as I can. Until then thank you for your support and feedback for this story I've really appreciated it.

* * *

Chapter 4: Changes

**Leonardo**

"This is stupid!" I snapped angrily as I shoved the book away from me. I'd been at this for hours and wasn't making any progress. All those raised dots felt the same to me, how was I supposed to tell the difference?

"Just give it time, Leo," Donny said patiently from beside me. He slid the book back under my curled fingers with the air of such tolerance that my stomach clenched uneasily. "You'll pick it up, this is still new for you."

I growled quietly under my breath. I knew that this was new for me, suddenly the whole world was new to me because I simply couldn't see it. Everything had changed and I wasn't sure if I was ever going to be able to adjust to that or not. I had promised Raph that I'd try harder, that I wouldn't give up, but I was easily getting frustrated with everything new I had to learn. Like learning to read braille. Was it really that important?

I could feel Donny's eyes on me and could easily picture the frown that he'd have on his face as I curled my fingers into my palms stubbornly. I didn't want to do this anymore, it was too hard and even though Donny had been trying to help me I wasn't learning it any faster. My head was beginning to pound from the hours I'd spent here in the kitchen with him while he patiently ran my fingers over the raised dots time and time again, slowly explaining each letter to me as I touched them. He had to be more tired than I was but he wasn't showing it, even the tone of his voice hadn't changed from the time we'd come in after lunch till now.

My legs twitched a little and I bit my lip. I wanted to get up and stretch, get some exercise. From the living room I could hear someone pounding a punching bag, probably Raph, and I longed to join him. Besides that I could hear the soft chink of china as Splinter finished his tea in his room and the soft flip of pages turning, probably Mike looking at one of his comic books again. I scowled, it was so easy for them to get on with their daily lives they had advantages that I didn't.

"Here," Donny said after a couple minutes of uncomfortable silence. His warm hand was once again on mine and he ran my fingers slowly down the raised dots. "See, Leo, this one is the A and this one is the B."

I jerked my hand away but placed them on the raised dots again trying to feel the difference between them. The A only had one dot I realized and the B had two, but so did a lot of other letters. I frowned I was never going to understand this.

"It's actually quite simple, Leo, when you get used to it," Donny said quietly as he shifted a little on his chair. "Each braille character is made up of six dot positions - see?" He ran my hand over another letter that I didn't recognize.

"Just imagine looking at a graph that is shaped like a rectangle that contains two columns with three dots each," Donny instructed gently. "Each dot filled is a dot for a letter. Whatever dots are filled that will be what you feel and that will let you know what letter it is when you're reading."

Like I was actually going to do much reading when I couldn't see. I refused to touch the book again, I didn't want to do this anymore today.

"You have to keep trying, Leo," Donny said gently.

"I _have _been trying!" I shouted back angrily. What the shell did he think I was doing in here? I'd been at this for most of the day now and I didn't want to do it anymore. I knew Donny wasn't interested me saying I was tired of trying, he'd see this as a sign of me trying to wiggle out of learning to read braille. And if I was going to be honest with myself I wish I could've escaped so I wouldn't have to try. Instead I leaned back in my chair, my arms crossed over my chest and my breath heavy and ragged.

"Leo," Donny said just as quietly as he had before. "I know this isn't easy, and it's a bigger change for you than it is for any of us, but you can't give up, bro. You can't stop trying just because it's hard."

"I'm not giving up, Donny," I said firmly I kept my teeth clenched so that my words were practically a hiss.

"Just take it slow, just learn the letters first and then we can move on to other things," Donny encouraged I heard him sliding the book across the table so it was closer to me.

"No!" I don't want to do this anymore!" With one sweep of my arm the book landed on the floor with a dull thump that seemed to echo around the kitchen, the noise amplified a hundred times.

"Leo!" Raph's voice was sharp and panicked, I heard his feet slapping against the floor as he hurried to see what had happened, probably thought I'd fallen again.

I sighed heavily and rose stiffly from my chair. I grasped the handle to the cane Donny had made for me reluctantly, though I'd had to admit once I'd given the stupid thing a chance it had been more helpful than I'd thought it would be.

"Leo? What happened? You ok?" Raph gasped as he entered the kitchen.

"I'm fine, Raph, nothings wrong," I said quietly I tapped my cane on the floor as I turned away from Donny and the table. It hit the edge of my book and I kicked it away from me as I passed it. I could hear Donny and Raph talking quietly behind me but I didn't care. I wanted to be alone.

* * *

"Leo?"

I sighed as I gripped the top of my cane tightly. "Dinner ready?"

Mikey shifted his weight a little uncomfortably just outside the door. I had heard him coming and I could smell that dinner was almost, if not already, done and everyone else was probably waiting for me. I wasn't hungry but I'd made more of an effort to join in the family things as of late. Eating at the table was one of them.

"Yeah, you need help getting down there?"

"Leo doesn't need to be babied, Mikey," Raph snapped harshly, his tone leaving no room for Mikey to argue with him. "He's done just fine getting 'round the lair on his own. Come on, Leo, time to eat."

My hand fumbled against the edge of my desk as I tried to find something with enough leverage that I could use it to help me get my footing. I stood slowly, my back popping and then aching dully as I straightened from the meditation pose I'd been sitting in for the past few hours. My brothers had left me alone after my little outburst in the kitchen and had kept their own afternoon activities quiet. It had been almost too quiet for me, growing up in a house with three other brothers one got used to the noise. But I wasn't about to complain about it either.

I appreciated Raph's interference, though he had been a bit harsh with Mikey. But he was right - I didn't need to, nor did I want to, be babied. If this blindness was permanent, and I'd over heard Donny whispering it to the others when he thought I couldn't hear that he thought it might be permanent, I had to learn how to live with it on a day to day basis. As much as I loved my brothers having them baby me or treat me like an invalid wasn't going to help me in the long run. I had to bury my own self doubts and just get on with life. Normal people living topside dealt with disabilities every day, just because I was a mutated turtle living in the sewers of New York City it didn't make me any more special or give me any extra ordinary healing powers beyond them. Sure my brothers and I had always been quick healers, but we got hurt just like everyone else could. I still had a piece of shell that had been shorn off in our last confrontation with the utrom Shredder to prove that.

Sweeping my cane from side to side I took two steps forward before my left foot caught on my meditation rug and I tripped. My cane fell from my hands as I automatically threw my hands out to catch my fall. Not being able to see the ground racing up to meet me I seemed to fall for an enternity before I hit the ground hard the air rushing from my lungs and something popped in my wrist as all my weight fell onto that hand. I groaned and rolled over blinking my eyes as if that would push the blackness away.

"Leo!" Mikey's high pitch panicked tone was the first thing that broke through the buzzing in my ears. Then I felt hands on me, running over my plastron, my shoulders and then my face. Someone had grabbed my face in their hands and was yelling at me but I couldn't focus on that I was trying to remember how to breathe. My lungs didn't want to work and my body went rigid with panic as I realized that I couldn't breathe.

Something sharp slapped me across the face. Shocked I inhaled and my burning lungs immediately responded to the intake of oxygen as it rushed its way back into my system. Another breath followed and my body began to relax as my body once again came under my control.

"That's it, Leo, long deep breaths," Raph instructed gently. I could feel his hands on my damaged wrist and I tried to yank it away. His gentle prodding fingers still ached against wrist as though he were burning me and more than anything I wanted him to leave me alone. "Take it easy, Leo, Mikey's gone to get Donny. I think you hurt your wrist pretty bad, it twisted under you when you fell on it. It's swelling already so just keep it still for me, can you do that, bro?"

I blinked once and then closed my eyes concentrating on my breathing. I could hear Raph's steady breathing next to me and the distinct thumping of my own heart. I concentrated on Raph's breathing, it was the steadiest thing in the room and I needed something to help me focus, to get my body under control.

In...one, two, three...

Out...one, two, three...

In...one, two, three...

Out...one, two, three...

Slowly my breathing matched Raph's and the pounding of my heart slowed to a steady beat.

"Leo! Raph, what happened?" Donny demanded as his hurried footsteps came into the room. I heard him hit the ground on my other side and felt his hot breath against my skin as he leaned over me, I didn't open my eyes.

"Is he conscious?" Donny asked concerned at my lack of movement.

"I think so," Raph said a bit uncertainly. "Leo? Leo, can you hear me?"

"Mmm," I answered I felt a little dizzy and was afraid to open my mouth.

"Donny, his wrist," Raph said after confirming that I was indeed aware that they were both there next to me.

Donny's hands weren't as rough as Raph's, not as calloused. He gently rotated my wrist and a hiss escaped from between my clenched teeth involuntarily.

"Not broken," Donny said with obvious relief after a minute or so. "Badly sprained, but not broken. We'll need to wrap it though."

"I'll go get the wraps," Mikey volunteered from the doorway. I jerked at the sound of his voice, I hadn't been aware that he'd come back up with Donny. I heard him run down to the bathroom where we kept our medical supplies.

"How'd this happen?" Donny demanded again now that he had a good assessment of my injuries.

"He tripped," Raph said a little sharply.

"Wasn't he using the cane?" Donny asked matching Raph's tone.

"Of course he was, Donny, give him a break. His foot caught on the rug, threw him off balance - I couldn't get to him before he fell."

"Leo?" Donny asked his tone a bit softer now.

Slowly I peeled open my eyes, not that it made much difference it was just as dark on the inside of my eyelids, but this way Donny would know I could hear and was listening to him. "Mmm?"

"You're gonna have to take it easy with that left wrist ok? Don't use it for about a week or so."

I closed my eyes again - it was too much of an effort to keep them open and suddenly I just wanted to sleep.

"Here are the wraps, Donny," Mikey said in a gush as he ran back into the room.

"Thanks, Mikey, tell Splinter to start without us," Donny instructed. I heard him get up and walk around to the other side and Raph's weight shifted a few inches giving Donny better access to my injured wrist. I clenched my teeth together as I felt Donny's soft hands grab my hand gently and extend my wrist out a little. A gasp escaped my lips and I clenched them tighter together when Donny mumbled an apology.

Something warm and slightly rough rested on my shoulder, a calloused finger rubbing against my skin, going around in slow soothing circles in an effort to distract me from what Donny was doing. I concentrated all my energy into that single finger, and let it distract me from the sharp pains emanating from my wrist as Donny bound it tightly.

"There, that should do it," Donny finally said much to my relief. I flexed my hand experimentally and was relieved when the pain I felt was minimal.

"I'll go get him some water," Raph said suddenly. I felt his hand leave my shoulder as Raph stood up and walked out of the room.

"Come on, Leo, let's get you to bed, bro," Donny said gently as he wrapped one arm around my shell and helped me sit up slowly. I still felt dizzy and I kept my eyes closed hoping that would help. It didn't do much but soon Donny was helping me sit on the edge of the bed, and then he pressed against my right shoulder forcing me down. I didn't fight him. It felt good to be on something soft with the pillows supporting my neck, saving me from a neck cramp later.

"As soon as Raph's back with the water we'll give you something for the pain ok, Leo?"

I grunted in understanding, I was still afraid to open my mouth. The bed shifted a little as Donny's weight joined mine, his shell just brushing against my thigh. I swallowed back the sickness that I could feel churing in my stomach, I had my doubts that Donny would give me anything for the pain if I was just going to throw it up and I really wanted something. Any hunger pains I might have had before my fall were long forgotten.

"Here you go, Donny," Raph said his quick pace making short work of the length of my room.

"Thanks, Raph," Donny said taking something from him. I heard the cap pop off a bottle and then the rattle as the pills were shaken around a little inside their plastic container. "Can you sit up to take these, Leo?"

I tried but my arms shook violently from under me and I quickly gave it up as a bad job, there was no way I was moving again until I'd gotten some sleep. Raph seemed to understand, gently he wrapped one arm under my shell while the other grabbed my uninjured elbow and pulled me up to a half sit half hunched position. Donny slipped something into my right hand and told me to take them. I obediently tossed the pills into my mouth and accepted the water bottle he offered me, draining half of it to wash down both the pills and the sickness.

Raph slowly lowered me back to the pillows and squeezed my arm gently once. "You want somethin' to eat, Donny?"

"I'll be down in a bit, Raph, don't worry about it," Donny said quietly.

I heard Raph grumble something but a light fog was slowly clouding over me. I felt very light headed almost as if I was floating. I realized that the painkillers were starting to take affect and I sighed in relief.

Donny squeezed my bicep gently. "I'll be back to check on you in a little bit, Leo. Get some rest."

He didn't need to tell me twice, I barely heard the sound of his feet shuffling against the floor as he left me. I was already drifting.

* * *

I dreamed for the first time in weeks, and it felt so good to dream. So many colors, just colors no shapes. Such bright rich colors. Red, yellow, green, brown, purple, blue, orange, gray, white, pink, and black. They swirled around me like ribbons and I grinned as they wove together in the air, spinning around until they were tied together in tight knots before shooting off into the sky and exploding in a rainbow of colors that made the sky dance with their lights.

"Mikey! Keep it down you're going to wake him!" Donny's hissed.

I lay quietly surrounded once more by the dark. I could still see the colors exploding in my mind's eye. They'd been so pretty, so inviting, and now there was only darkness. I felt as if I was slowly being crushed by a giant weight and the disappointment of it all came crashing down on me.

"Sorry, Donny, I just wanted to see how he was doing," Mikey's voice was soft and apologetic. I heard his feet scuff the ground and was sure he'd managed to give Donny the break-your-heart-puppy-dog look that he had mastered before we'd turned five. It usually got him what he wanted.

"He's going to be ok, Mikey," Donny gently reassured him.

"His wrist?" Mikey sounded worried now.

Donny sighed quietly and I heard Mikey draw in a sharp breath. "It'll be fine, Mikey, just a sprain. It was a bad fall though - Raph was pretty shaken up by the whole thing."

I rolled my head slightly on my pillow, intrigued by their conversation now. What was wrong with Raph?

"He was really quiet at dinner wasn't he?"

"He's still trying to work through this, Mikey, we all are. Besides Leo I think Raph is going to have the hardest time with this."

"He still blaming himself for what happened?"

Donny was quiet for a while and I felt his hand rest on my forehead, just shy of the rough scars I'd felt for myself. His breath caught in his throat and I heard Mikey shift his weight again.

"You should get to bed, Mikey, it's late." Donny finally said softly.

"Aren't you going to bed, Don?" Mikey inquired.

"I'll go to bed in a while, I'm going to stay here for a bit longer," Donny said flatly.

"Don't stay up too late."

"I won't. Goodnight, Mikey," Donny answered automatically.

"Night, Donny," Mikey replied and then his footsteps disappeared down towards his room.

"How's the pain, Leo?" Donny said a few minutes later.

I jerked, surprised that he realized that I was awake. I flexed my fingers and wrist experimentally, the pain wasn't as bad as it had been earlier, but I could tell that the painkillers were starting to wear off. "It's fine," I finally croaked.

"Here," Donny said quietly and something pressed against my beak, another water bottle I realized as the cool liquid trickled into my mouth. I gulped at it, not realizing until now just how thirsty I was. "Easy, Leo, small sips."

I pulled my head away after a few more swallows. Donny realized that I'd had enough and pulled the bottle away. I waited in silence while he twisted the cap back on the bottle.

"Are you hungry? You want me to bring you something to eat?" Donny asked.

"No," I said quietly as I worked on opening my eyes - but maybe they were already open and I hadn't noticed. "What's wrong with Raph?"

"He's fine, Leo, Raph's asleep in his room."

"Mikey said," I started to say but a tickle in my throat made me cough hoarsely, cutting off my words.

"Raph was just tired is all, Leo, he's fine," Donny said his hand resting on my shoulder and squeezing it gently.

I didn't believe that, I could hear the nasal tone in Donny's voice, like he was trying to hide something from me. "Donny," I said frowning at where I hoped my brother was sitting, although I couldn't be sure.

"Leo, don't worry about it tonight," Donny said firmly suddenly sounding very serious. "Just get some sleep."

"Does he blame himself, Donny?" I asked.

Donny sighed quietly to himself. "I really don't know, Leo, I think he still does but I can't be sure. He has a harder time with it some days, and others I think he's ok. I think your fall today was harder on him than it was on anyone else. You know how Raph gets."

I did know how Raph got sometimes. "Is he going to be ok, Donny?"

"He just needs some time, Leo, Raph will be fine." Donny patted my shoulder gently. "Now get some sleep, you were only out for a few hours."

I blinked my blank eyes and then closed them slowly, still feeling the drowsiness that had pulled me under before Mikey and Donny's little conversation had woken me. I felt myself drifting almost immediately but this time there were no colors, just the darkness that I was constantly drowning in these days and as the blackness consumed me I felt my hopes fade slowly almost painfully away from me, like blood in the water they got lighter and lighter until they disappeared all together.

* * *

I was up and around by lunchtime the next day. I'd woken up to Raph keeping a vigil on me, probably taking over for Donny sometime during the night so Donny could go get some sleep himself. After getting some food in my stomach and more painkillers in me I'd been left to my own devices while Raph went downstairs with the others for his own breakfast and his regular morning workout with his practice dummy and punching bag. But now I could hear them all down in the kitchen, talking in those hushed voices they'd picked up whenever they thought I might be able to over hear what they were saying.

It was really starting to make me mad, my brothers were treating me as if I were made out of glass, something delicate that needed to be put away for safe keeping. Was this because of my fall yesterday? Big deal so I'd tripped. It happened a lot these days, whether I used the cane or not, not being able to see left me with some disadvantages, but I wasn't stupid. I knew who they were talking about in those hushed whispers. I'd picked up a few words from some of their more recent conversations and none of them made me happy.

Clutching the top of my cane with my right hand while keeping my left arm tucked closely to my body I made my way slowly towards the stairs, the sweet appealing scent of Parmesan cheese and tomato sauce wafted up to me. My cane clanged loudly against the top stair when I reached it and I cringed a little as the noise echoed around the room. In the kitchen my brothers' voices stopped immediately, and then there was the scraping of somebody's chair as they got up to investigate. Sighing to myself I started slowly down the stairs.

I'd only made it down three stairs or so, my left hand brushing gingerly against the railing so if I did loose my balance I could use that hand to grab onto the railing to stop me from falling all the way down the stairs. I was pretty sure my brothers were debating on whether to wrap me up in bubble wrap or not. Not that I'd let them.

"Leo, what are you doing up?" Raph's voice was a little sharp.

I hoped he could see my expression as I scowled ahead of myself. So what - was I confined to quarters now? "I'm not sick, Raph, I don't need to stay in bed."

"No, but I think you should take it easy today anyways, Leo," Donny's voice joined in drowning out Raph's frustrated growl.

My scowl deepened. I clutched my cane a little tighter but didn't move, either to join them or go back to my room.

Raph said something to Donny so quietly I couldn't pick it up. My teeth ground together with an audible click. "I really wish you wouldn't do that."

"Do what?" Raph asked sounding somewhat surprised.

"Talk about me like I'm not here," I snapped angrily. I knew that Raph already knew this, and I was sure that had he been in my position he would have done more than just growl at us. He'd have thrown a few punches around, whether or not he hit us was beyond the point. I wasn't about to go hit my brothers though, but I was getting really tired of them keeping me out of the loop. Why were they treating me so different, or talk about me as if I wasn't there. Had my going blind make me invisible to them?

"Why would you think I was talkin' 'bout you?" Raph growled angrily.

The muscles in my jaw bunched and I really had to focus my attention on the cane in my hand to stop myself from snapping the stupid thing in half. I opened my mouth angrily, ready to retort but a sharp rapping of Master Splinter's walking stick on the floor stopped me.

"That's enough, Raphael," Splinter said firmly. "Go back and finish your lunch - both of you. I would like to speak to Leonardo alone."

"Yes, Sensei," Raph and Donny both replied at the same time, and then they were gone.

"Leonardo," Splinter said gently and I knew that he was waiting for me to join him. I started making my way down the stairs again. My progress was slowly, I made sure that my footing was always secure on one step before taking the next. As I walked I pondered back to when maneuvering the stairs was the least of my worries. I'd jumped down them several times before, it was something that you got used to when you were a ninja.

There had been one time in particular that jumped to the front of my mind - it replayed over and over in my head as if I were watching it on a home video. It had been movie night and Casey had been the one bringing the movie. Fearful of what Casey might have been bringing I started up the stairs for a short breather before I'd join everyone for movie night. With April living with us the lair had seemed extremely crowded these days and the only peace I'd been able to find had been in my room. I'd been lucky, Splinter had assigned Mikey to sleep in Raph's room. Raph snored like a chain saw and Mikey often talked in his sleep, it would keep the rest of us awake if either of them were put in our rooms. But Raph could sleep through anything, and often did when he stayed up too late. I'd had to go up there on more than one occassion to get him for our morning training sessions.

As I reached the top rung the elevator opened and Casey stepped out a tape in his hand. He hadn't even taken two steps into the lair when he'd tripped, the VHS had gone flying into the air and I turned automatically, let myself fall a flight and had landed lightly on the balls of my feet on a single stair. I'd jumped nimbly onto the railing and had slid down a second flight before using my momentum to make a leap for the descending tape, flipping midway and catching the tape. As my jump lost height I used what I had left to get me over to the entertainment center where Mike, Raph, and Donny were already sitting waiting for the movie. I flipped over the couch, using one of the cushions to give me a little extra spring - Raph had wisely shifted out of the way, and had landed right in front of the many TV screens Donny had set up.

I couldn't do that now, even if we were in that old lair again. But that lair had been destroyed by Karai while I'd been off with the Ancient One in Japan. I'd come home to see the whole lair destroyed and my family missing. I'd used a lot of the lessons the Ancient One had taught me and had been able to find each member of my family and had brought us all together again, and had even found us a new place to stay. The new lair was very nice, and Donny had fixed it up great, but everything was different when you couldn't see.

When my cane hit concrete I knew I'd finally reached the bottom of the stairs. A warm furry hand gently squeezed my shoulder and then he started for the direction of his room, I followed slowly, listening for the tap of his walking stick to help me find it easier. Soon the sweet scent of melted candle wax and animal fur flooded my nose. The thumping of my cane was muffled by the rug that my brothers and I usually kneeled on when we entered Master Splinter's room. Being careful to step over the edge so I wouldn't trip again I knelt down, keeping my head bowed towards my knees respectfully.

"Your brothers are worried about you, Leonardo," Splinter said softly as he kneeled opposite of me, I could hear the soft swish of fur against carpet. I scowled at my knees and bit my tongue trying to stop myself from reacting to this. I already knew they were worried about me, they did nothing but worry about me and because of it they weren't letting me do anything.

"I know you are frustrated with this," Splinter's voice said just as softly as before, but taking on that all-knowing tone that I'd always respected. It made him seem so wise, it was easy to forget sometimes that Splinter was much older than my brothers and I were. He didn't often act like anyone his age did, but when he took that tone it showed wisdom beyond even his years.

"Why can't they just let me do things for myself?" I muttered quietly.

Splinter exhaled quietly and I heard him shift a little on his rug. "This is still new to them, as it is to you, they don't want to see you get hurt again, my son."

"They can't protect me from everything though, master," I argued.

"No, they cannot," Splinter agreed. "But that won't stop them from trying. You've always taken responsibility for your brothers, an admirable quality, Leonardo. It has given you the ability to lead this team because you know all your brothers' strengths and weaknesses. It has made this team much stronger. Your brothers are just doing what they think is best to help you now."

I thought about that for a minute. I guess it made sense in a way - I knew that my brothers were only trying to help me, but it didn't make it any easier when they were constantly checking up on me, I was surprised that they even let me go to the bathroom on my own. Although I was sure that that was something they didn't want to have to face unless they absolutely had to.

"Give your brothers time, Leonardo," Splinter advised. "Once they see you are able to get along on your own they won't be so over protective."

"But, Master Splinter, how am I supposed to take care of this team if I can't see?" I blurted out, I immediately shut my mouth and waited on tender hooks while I waited for his answer. It had been something I'd been wanting but dreading to ask ever since this whole stupid thing had started. Without being able to see I wouldn't be able to go out on nightly patrols with my brothers and any fight we got into would make me a liability. My brothers would be distracted while trying to keep me safe and that could cost us all if someone took advantage of it, and someone easily could.

"That was something else I wanted to talk to you about, my son. I want to start you on your training again. I can teach you to be aware of your surroundings and how to fight well, even without your eyes."

"Will it stop me from running into stuff?"

"When you have gotten the technique down it should help with that, yes."

I smiled then, hoping that what Master Splinter was saying was actually doable. Relieved I bowed to him.

"You may go, Leonardo," Splinter replied, an automatic response to such a gesture.

Grabbing my cane I carefully and slowly made my way back to the door, wary of the rugs this time. I fumbled for a second at the door, trying to find the handle to open it. The door to his last room had been easier, it had just slid open, Donatello had made a special one for him so Sensei's room would have an air of Japanese culture with it. This time though Donny had made him something a little sturdier. Probably because when the foot had attacked the last lair Sensei's door had been destroyed when one of the foot went flying through it. Finally I found the handle and twisted it to the right. The door cracked and as I started to push it all the way open Sensei stopped me again by clearing his throat.

"Remember, my son, that patience goes both ways as do trust and respect. Practice is required for all that is acquired. A spider must try many times before it sucessfully spins a web, the seasons will always change, and sometimes it takes many ants to lift a single crumb of bread."

I frowned. What was it he was trying to tell me now? That if I was going to make my brothers see that I could do this whole blind thing I'd have to let them help me? I wasn't quite sure. To be patient? Hadn't I been patient?

As I closed the door I realized with a jolt that it wasn't true - I hadn't been patient. Just yesterday I'd gotten frustrated with trying to learn braille. After all those hours I'd spent in the kitchen with Donny I'd shoved the book to the floor and stormed off. And what was that Sensei had said about the ants? That sometimes they have to depend on teamwork to get the job done? Maybe it was time I realized that it was ok to depend on my brothers for help instead of trying to face this on my own.

Swallowing back my pride and setting my face in determination I started for the kitchen where I could hear someone turning the pages of the paper and someone else washing the dishes.

"Leo," Mikey's voice sounded surprised to see me, and I heard the newspaper drop to the table. He'd probably been reading the comics. "Are you hungry? We finished lunch but there's still some in the fridge if you want it..."

"No, I'm not hungry, Mikey - thanks anyway," I said quickly shaking my head a couple times and smiling a little. "I was actually hoping Donny was still down here." I waited, listening carefully and drawing in deep breaths through my nose, hoping to catch my brother's unique scent. I wasn't disappointed.

"Yeah, Leo, I'm still down here - did you need something?" Donny asked, I heard something slightly damp hit the counter. A dish towel perhaps?

"I..." I started but bit my lip hesitating. "I was just wondering if maybe you could help me with the whole braille thing again."

There was a cloud clatter as someone dropped a dish into the water filled basin of the sink and I jumped, surprised at the loud noise.

"Sorry," Raph apologized at once.

Donny was quiet for a minute, almost as if sizing me up to see if I really meant it.

"Sure, Leo," Donny finally agreed. "If you're sure you want to try it again - I don't want to rush you into it."

I shook my head again. "No I want to try again," I reassured him.

"Ok then," Donny said easily and his hand rested gently on my shell. "Raph?"

"I'll finish up here, Donny," Raph promised.

"I'll help," Mikey said as he stood up quickly from where ever he'd been sitting, I heard his chair clatter to the floor.

"Way to go shell fer brains," Raph grumbled.

"Come on, Leo, I've got the stuff in my lab," Donny said as he turned me away from the table and in the direction of the living room again. He kept pace with me, one hand on my shell the whole time. I didn't try to shake him off, and I found myself surprised to actually like having Donny's hand there. It was secure and oddly comforting. Perhaps Sensei was right - if I expected my brothers to let me do some stuff on my own I had to prove to them I was capable of doing it, and the only way of doing that was by being a team player for now. Until we all adjusted to this we needed to depend on each other, me most of all as I was the one with the disability, but we'd all adjust, we just had to give it time.


	6. Chapter 5: Excluded

Hey guys, I'm sorry it has been so long since I've updated this story. RL was really hard the last couple of weeks, I was really sick last week and when I wasn't sick I had a million things to do. But I finally finished my cross stitch for my friend so hopefully that will give me a little more time to write when I don't hit a writer's block like I did with this chapter. I'm still not too sure if I'm really happy with it, but I'm not going to make you guys wait any longer. I'll try and write again soon depending on how things go. But as it is getting closer to Christmas and we are getting into the busy hours at the USPS I'll be working longer hours, so depending on if I'm working up to and including 12 hours a day that will greatly impact my writing time as I still have a husband and dogs to take care of here at home. Thank you as always for understanding and I hope you enjoy this next chapter. And an especially big thanks for those who take the time to review, I really appreciate it and it encourages me to keep writing.

* * *

**Chapter 5: Excluded**

**Raphael**

"Ouch, jeez, take it easy, Donny!" I snapped as I jerked away from Donny's less than gentle touch.

"I'm sorry, Raph," Donny said impatiently while he pressed the thick wad of gauze pads to my wound again. I suppressed a growl and improvised by pressing my lips tightly together and glared at my reflection opposite of myself in the bathroom mirror.

"What I want to know is why the shell you faced all of them when you had no back up," Donny demanded as he replaced the blood soaked gauze pads again, tossing the now ruined ones into the trash along with the others already in there.

"I had back up," I spat through my teeth.

"Casey with a concussion doesn't count," Donny fired back glaring at me. "He shouldn't have gone out tonight at all either - not after your guys' last tussle with the Purple Dragons left him with that twisted ankle and broken rib."

"Somebody got the jump on him - it wasn't his fault he got bashed in the head," I defended our friend.

"Even so, Raph, it wasn't the smartest thing you've ever done. Are you trying to get your shell waxed up there?" Donny pulled the gauze away from the wound and I hissed as it pulled at the tender skin. "Raph, this bleeding isn't stopping - I'm going to have to stitch it."

"Great the old turtle luck runnin' true to form," I grumbled under my breath.

"No one forced you to go out tonight, Raph," Donny suddenly sounded very tired and exasperated at the same time as he reached for the stuture kit.

"Had to get away for a while," I admitted reluctantly.

Donny sighed and focused on the needle he was threading, a line creasing his brow. "He's getting better you know."

"Or maybe he's just real good at hidin' how he's really feelin'," I snapped automatically.

Donny sent me a sharp look before sliding the needle into my tender skin and I hissed as I felt the tip pierce the flesh.

"He deserves better than that and you know it, Raph," Donny growled angrily.

"Yeah, yeah," I grumbled. If Donny heard that he didn't react to it.

"Just take someone with you next time - someone besides Casey. As it is April probably won't let him go play vigilante with you for a while - and it's a good thing she called us when she did, otherwise I wouldn't have gotten to you in time."

"You worry too much, Donny, I'm fine."

"Yeah you're so fine that you were out cold and bleeding out on a rooftop when I found you. You are so fine that I've gone through an entire package of gauze pads trying to stop this bleeding, your so fine that I'm stitching you up as we speak. Are you trying to kill yourself, Raph? Is that what this is about? Should I tell Splinter about your own personal little revenge crusade? Or Leo?"

I glared at him with such heat in my eyes that I was surprised when he didn't even flinch. Instead he glared back, the fire in his eyes matching mine.

"It's none of their business, Donny, so just keep your beak shut," I ordered.

"Or what? What are you going to do to me? I'm not going to loose a brother, Raphael!" Donnie tied the last stitch and snipped the end of the thread. He tossed the supplies back into the kit and shoved it across the sink with enough force to make it bounce against the opposite wall. "We nearly lost Leo that night and it would've killed all of us, do you think that our reaction would be any different if it was you? Leo didn't die that night! He's here and he needs all of us, Raph! You can't help us if you're off every night looking for heads to bash in! We need you here! Splinter, Mikey and I aren't enough, Leo needs all of us if he is going to pull through this! What do you think its going to do to him especially if you didn't come home one night - if you just suddenly disappeared right there out of the blue?"

I didn't answer that - we both knew what it would do to Leo. I wasn't stupid - I knew what this family meant to Leo, it meant the same thing to me - this family was my life and any part missing from it was a missing part of myself.

"Do you really want to hurt Leo that way, Raph?"

I glared at him - is that what he thought this was about? Getting back at Leo for something? We both knew that none of this was Leo's fault. It was mine. I knew that and even if Donny wouldn't say it I knew he knew it too.

If I hadn't been so distracted and off my game that night none of this would've happened. Leo wouldn't have gotten hurt, wouldn't have lost his sight, and he wouldn't be trying to deal with the aftermath of that fight every day for the rest of his life.

"Leo says you've been avoiding him, Raph," Donny said as he taped a gauze pad over the wound and then slowly straightened up.

I ignored that. So what if I had? Leo might be pretending like he was doing better, but I could still see the frustration that radiated from him in waves. In the way his brow would crease as he worked on learning braille, or how his shoulders would hunch when he knocked something over, the way he stiffened when Mikey showed him where everything was on his plate at meal times. Leo had made an effort to spend more time with the family, to try and prove to us that he was willing to work with us to overcome this disability, and while he had Mikey and Donny fooled I could see that Splinter shared my views on Leo's inability to hide everything from us.

It was too hard to sit there and watch Leo try. I'd never seen anyone try so hard at something so hard in their life and it was almost painful to watch, so I went out, almost daily now just to get away from the lair and the false enthusiasm that seemed to saturate the place now.

"Raph?" Donny asked placing a hand on my shoulder and I blinked up at him. "You ok?"

I nodded and shrugged off his hand as I slowly stood up, wincing a little as the movement pulled at my new stitches.

"You need something for the pain?" Donny asked still looking concerned. Great now I'd have him watching me like a hawk the rest of the day.

I shook my head. "I'm fine, Donny."

I opened up the bathroom door and suppressed a groan. Leo was slowly making his way towards us, his cane tapping the floor quietly in front of him. Placing a hand over the white bandage covering the wound, even though I knew Leo couldn't see it, I started for the stairs.

"Raph?"

I froze, glaring straight ahead of myself as I waited for Leo to join me. A minute later a familiar grip caught the lip of my shell. I didn't turn.

"I didn't hear you come in last night," Leo said with an all too familiar big brother tone.

"I didn't," I grumbled as I shook off his hand.

"Didn't what?"

"Come in last night - I got home this morning," I started for the stairs again.

"Raph, wait!" Leo called after me but I didn't stop this time. Instead I leapt up the stairs three at a time and ran towards my room, shutting the door behind me. I hoped he'd take the hint and leave me alone, but I had the feeling that the closed door wouldn't stop him for long.

* * *

I needed to do something to get my mind off Leo, but what was I supposed to do? Leo was borrowing my clock radio because he'd smashed his a while ago and Donny hadn't had the time to fix it yet, between Mikey and myself there were always a lot of things that needed repairs around the lair. And since Donny was the one who made them initially he was the one who knew how to fix them. I knew that that really annoyed him, the fact that he always had to fix things that we broke, but he only complained about it once in a while. We all knew Donny loved tinkering with stuff, and when we broke something we usually got it back in better shape than it was in before we broke it to begin with.

I could go back downstairs and go a few rounds with the punching bag and practice dummy, but I had a feeling Donny would frown on that idea. Plus Leo would be down there.

I sat in my hammock and began to swing myself gently back and forth frowning to myself, I didn't know why I was avoiding Leo to be honest. It was just easier this way - then I wouldn't have to endure Leo's fake smiles or false enthusiasm. That was hard enough to stomach but it was the things that Donny always said to Leo to encourage him that really pushed it over the edge for me. Stuff like 'this will start feeling natural to you before you know it' or 'just give it a little bit more time you'll get it'. I had to admit that Leo was getting better at the whole blind thing. He'd really put an effort into trying to learn the stuff that Donny had been trying to help him with.

Some of Mikey's suggestions after he'd watched Daredevil had actually been taken seriously and even though none of us planned on letting Leo go out alone it was best if he knew the best way to handle himself if he did. Knowing Leo it was only a matter of time before he went out to get some air, and he wouldn't let any of us know when he did. We'd probably all be busy or sleeping and Leo would just go out. It's what I would do if I were in his position, all this hovering was starting to drive him crazy even if he wouldn't admit it.

Donny always had a few bills folded different ways for Leo so Leo could feel the folds to see how much that bill was worth. It was a pretty neat trick, one that Mikey had suggested, not that we carry a lot of money on us but sometimes we go out for pizza or ice cream and when we do we need the cash to pay for it. This way Leo wouldn't have to ask us which bill was which he'd know for himself.

Leo was also starting to catch on with the whole braille thing, or he seemed to be anyway. Donny seemed pretty happy with his progress, even if Leo wasn't. But than again Leo always got frustrated with himself when he didn't learn something right away. Leo was a really fast learner and what he learned he learned well, that's probably why he was so close to Master Splinter. Leo put in a lot of practice time perfecting new moves that Sensei taught us until he had them down almost as well as Splinter. I still remember when he was having trouble with his split-kicks, but he got them down in the end. Until he did though he was frustrated with himself and had beat himself up about not getting it right the first time. I'm sure that this whole braille thing was the same deal.

Wearily I leaned back until I was lying down in my hammock and I stared up at the ceiling, suddenly feeling very tired. I could hear voices downstairs and one of them sounded angry. Probably Leo. I was sure that Donny had spilled the beans on me. I sighed and allowed myself to drift.

**

* * *

****Leonardo**

"Something wrong, Leo?" Donny asked as I stood fuming at the bottom of the stairs, debating on whether or not to go after Raph and see what the shell was going on. I was sure he was in his room, what other room would he go into up there?

I shook my head slowly and bit my lip. I could tell Raph was trying to avoid me, but why? What had I done to annoy him now?

"Leo?" Donny's hand was suddenly on my shoulder, his voice close, and held that hint of concern that I usually used to get my brothers to open up to me. It didn't work on Raph but it usually got Mikey and Donny to talk. "What is it?"

"Donny, did I do something to Raph to make him angry with me?"

Donny's fingers tightened a little, I could almost see the frown pulling at his mouth.

"Of course not, Leo. Why?"

I shrugged and Donny's hand fell off my shoulder. Donny saw that as a sign to back off, I didn't bother correcting him.

Donny sighed quietly and I turned towards the direction of the sound. I had known Donny all my life and from the way he was holding back I was sure he was hiding something from me.

"Is there a reason he keeps going topside without backup?" I wondered more to myself but hoping it would give Donny some kind of opener so he could tell me what the shell was going on with our brother.

"You know Raph, Leo - he's always been like that."

"But he's usually smarter than this, what if he gets himself into trouble and no one is there to back him up? He could get himself hurt."

Donny's silence made my stomach clench angrily.

"He is hurt already isn't he?" I growled.

"He just got in over his head with some Foot Ninja last night, Leo. The Foot got the jump on him and Casey and Raph wasn't left with a whole lot of options."

"How bad?" I demanded.

Again Donny hesitated and I scowled blankly ahead of me.

"How bad?" I repeated.

"He needed a few stitches and he has a few bumps and bruises nothing too serious, Leo."

No wonder Raph was trying to avoid me, at least for right now when he was still hurting from the recent injury and the stitches. Raph never was one to take pain killers unless he was forced to and so being wounded made him even crankier than he usually was. I would have been sure to notice if he'd stuck around and would have forced the answer out of him one way or another.

This didn't make me happy though, and the fact that he and Donny were both trying to hide it from me really made me angry. I clenched my jaw and my fingers curled in towards my palms.

"He'll be ok, Leo," Donny tried to reassure me, but I was beyond listening at this point. I was ready to head up there and give Raph a piece of my mind for going out and nearly getting his shell waxed because he was too hot headed to take anyone else with him.

"Leo," Donny warned grabbing my arm and stopping me from starting up the stairs. "You know how Raph gets - he isn't going to change."

I knew that. Master Splinter had always told us that no matter how hard he may try a leopard will never change his spots, they'll always be in the exact same places they've always been. Raph was much the same way - even if he did try to be better, the fact was that he was who he was and nothing I said or did could change that. All it would do if I went up there to talk to him would make him mad. That wouldn't do either of us any good. He'd either storm out again, injured or not, or I'd resent him for being able to go out while I was stuck in here while Mikey and Donny constantly hovered over me. I was getting a little anxious to get out of here myself, could I really blame Raph for going out and getting some fresh air? And if he managed to blow off some steam while he was out there it was probably best, if he took his frustration out on Purple Dragons or the gang members he wouldn't be taking it out on Mikey. But still I worried about him being out there alone - maybe next time Donny or Mikey could tail him.

"How's your training with Master Splinter going?"

I sighed quietly to myself. In all honesty it hadn't been going as well as I'd hoped, although Master Splinter seemed pleased with my progress. Even though I'd lost my sight my other senses easily were able to pick up on my surroundings, and I was just as quick as I had been before. The problem was my aim wasn't always dead on and I'd be almost as likely to hit the air as to hit the opponent attacking me. Splinter worked with me for three hours every day and little by little my other senses got stronger and my aims became more accurate and deadly.

"Slow," I finally admitted as I walked slowly away from the stairs and towards the sound of the TV blaring what sounded like one of Mikey's video games.

"You haven't been working at this very long, Leo - you need to give yourself some more time," Donny said gently.

I barely suppressed a growl at that. That's all Donny ever said to me anymore - give it more time, be patient it'll come to you, soon this'll feel natural for you. I'd like to see him be so upbeat if he were in my position. Of course I was glad he wasn't - I'd rather be going through this myself than watching one of my brothers struggle through it but it didn't make it any easier to live with from day to day. My brothers were being as supportive as they could be but what I really wanted was a little free time - time where I could just be alone. Some place where I could feel the wind on my face and get out of this sewer.

"I got you a new book, Leo," Donny piped in enthusaistically as we leaned against the back of the couch. I let the corner of my mouth twitch.

"What is it this time, Donny?"

"It's in the kitchen on the table for you - I think you'll really like this one."

Was that an invitation to go somewhere alone? The door to the lair was only a few feet away from the kitchen, I could pretend to make a wrong turn and get out of the lair for a little bit - the problem was...what if someone saw me leaving? I'd have to work fast. I shivered a little in anticipation.

"Leo? You ok?" Donny asked his voice laced with concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine - it's just a little chilly in here tonight."

"I'll go grab you a blanket and meet you in the kitchen," Donny said quickly.

I smiled and then started towards the kitchen, though I had no intention of actually going in there. I felt bad for deceiving my brothers this way - but sometimes one just needs a little time to themselves and I definitely needed that time now. Hoping that Mikey was engrossed in his game I stumbled a little in my haste and was soon outside the safe confines of our home. I grinned as I started off down the sewers, knowing it would take Donny at least five minutes to realize I was no where in the lair and by then I could have a pretty good head start - I just had to make sure that it stayed that way.

Using my sense of hearing mostly I followed the sounds of the sewer, listening for signs of habitation from above and slowly counting how many steps I took, I'd need to know how far I went from the lair in order to find it again when I was ready to come back.

* * *

**Raphael**

Why the shell did everyone have to be so loud? I was trying to sleep in here and they were making enough noise to wake the dead out there. I opened my eyes and blinked slowly up at the ceiling, trying to pull the blurred overhead pipes together in my vision, I seemed to see twice as many as I knew there were. Maybe I'd taken a blow to the head I hadn't even noticed during the heat of the fight. I blinked again as my vision cleared. I rolled slowly into an upright position and held my head in my hands, clenching my teeth together as the pain made my head feel like a marching band was storming around inside it.

"Raph!" Mikey's high pitched voice shrieked from my door.

I winced and slowly lowered my hands, blinking up at him sluggishly, trying to really bring myself around from my nap. Even though it'd been short it had left me groggy and disoriented.

"Is Leo in here?" Mikey asked his eyes darting quickly around my room to check for himself.

"No. Why would he be in here?" I grumbled.

"He isn't in the lair, Raph. Donny and I have looked everywhere."

"He's gotta be here somewhere," I said yawning.

"Raph," Mikey said a bit exasperated. "Leo is gone. We've looked in every room and he isn't practicing with Splinter or listening to the news. The front door was open."

That caught my attention and my head snapped up fast enough that my neck cracked painfully. I winced and rubbed the aching joints. Hadn't I just been musing about how if I were Leo I'd try to sneak out to have a little time to myself? It wasn't normally like Leo to do such a thing, but then again Leo had never been smothered so much - he was used to taking care of us not the other way around. If he could get out and find a bit of solitude he'd probably feel better when he got back. But with his vision impaired and the Foot and Purple Dragons still lurking it was too dangerous for him to be alone. We had to find him before something else happened to him.

"Any sign of him outside?" I asked as I jumped to my feet.

Mikey shook his head - not yet Donny and I were about to go search the sewers.

"I'll go topside and start looking on the east side. When you guys finish down here start checking out the west side. Call if you find him."

Mikey nodded once then dashed away, his face pale and drawn.

Shaking the last of the cobwebs away I got to my feet quickly, tapped my sais to reassure myself that they were still in place on my belt and ran out of my room. I could hear Donny down the hall searching for Leo in one of the other bedrooms - either his or Mikey's I wasn't sure which, but I didn't pause to talk to him. Mikey would pass along the message, it was best if I started looking for Leo now rather than waiting for Donny to finish searching down here first. If they found something they'd call my shell cell.

Fear and anxiety burned inside my gut as I raced along the tunnels of the sewer. How could I have been so stupid? I should have known my own brother better, I had a feeling that part of the reason he left was because of me. If Donny had told Leo about my escapades Leo was bound to go out on one of his own. Leo and I had a lot in common, even if we didn't act like it most of the time. But Leo didn't like being hovered over any more than I did, he was bound to want the escape, and if given the opportunity to do so he would've taken it. He could've gone anywhere he wanted once outside the lair, and I had a feeling that he wouldn't have gone to April or Casey's. He wouldn't want to be found that easily, but I had a good feeling on where I could find him, I just hoped that I was wrong. Adrenaline sent my body into over drive and I picked up the pace as I headed for the nearest manhole.

* * *

I landed lightly on the balls of my feet, one hand held out in front of me to help me keep my balance as I stayed in the crouched position I'd landed in, my eyes locked on the target of my late night run. My body ached and the new stitches in my side burned. I was pretty sure I'd popped a couple of them, Donny wasn't going to be happy about that but it was the leser of two evils. As long as Leo was safe that was all that mattered. I breathed in heavily through my nose as my eyes narrowed into slits, my teeth ground together and the muscles in my jaw bunched angrily. Even though I might understand why Leo would've wanted to go out it didn't mean I approved of his decision to do so. He was so much more vulnerable now, and to see him sitting there all serene still made me very angry. I felt my temper flare but I held it back, there would be plenty of time to yell at him once I got him home.

"Leo, what are you doing out here?" I spat through my teeth.

Leo was sitting perfectly still close to the edge of the building, one hand resting on a spot that looked sickeningly like a blood stain. I shuddered a little as the image of that night returned to me, Leo lying so still in my arms, his blood flowing over my hands, dying in my arms while I was helpless to stop it.

"I was wondering if you'd be the one to find me, Raph," Leo said calmly, not turning towards me but he continued to sit perfectly still his blank eyes turned up towards the black sky.

I curled my hands into fists as I stepped towards him. "You shouldn't be out here, Leo."

"Why? Because I can't see? So you think I can't defend myself?"

I flinched but forced myself to keep my cool as I continued to make my way towards him.

A soft wind rustled the tails of his bandanna and Leo sighed quietly, almost contentedly as if enjoying the simple sensation of feeling the wind on his face. And then it really hit me. Why Leo had really left the lair. He hadn't done it to scare my brothers or myself. He hadn't done it to make us angry at him. He'd done it because he missed the things he'd taken for granted before his accident. Before his sight had been taken from him none of us would've stopped Leo from going topside because he needed to stretch his legs, to get some fresh air, to get in some lone training time. That was just the way Leo was, the way he worked, we all knew that and we accepted it. Even when the Foot had forced us out of our home and we'd stayed at April's for a while Leo had gone out every morning for his training runs. We'd never stopped him then, and the only time we'd been about to go after him was the day that the Foot had caught up with him and he'd been returned to us, broken almost beyond repair. We'd almost lost him that day but Leo had fought his way back to us - and even after that incident we hadn't stopped him from going out. We all knew that we couldn't protect Leo forever and Leo hadn't wanted us to. Just because he'd gotten hurt it didn't mean that he still didn't want to continue his training, to do what he loved to do. But now he couldn't because we were always hovering over him, trying to help him adjust, and Leo felt so smothered by us hovering over him that he'd simply needed an out. And because he couldn't go to April or Casey's he'd gone to the place that had taken his independence from him, the place where this had all started, because he simply had to know why.

My feet padded softly on the rooftop as I made my way over to my brother, and gingerly I lowered myself down beside him, my body only a few inches away from his. I saw his body relax a little as he realized I wasn't going to drag him away from this spot immediately. He sighed softly and blinked up blankly at the overcast sky. I stared up at the skies too, wishing that on nights like this that we were able to see the stars, but you could never see the stars in New York City.

"It's quiet tonight," Leo said quietly after a few minutes of just sitting together in silence.

I nodded slowly and tore my eyes away from the dark clouds and looked down at all the city lights and passing cars below us. "Leo, why did you come here? Why this place?"

Leo shrugged on shoulder slowly and let it dropped immediately. It was then I noticed he was holding something in his hand, the pad of his thumb was rubbing it in slow circular movements.

"Leo, what is that?" I asked as I gently touched the back the hand holding the hidden object. Leo jerked away from my touch and clenched his hand around it so I couldn't see what he held, his jaw went rigid and the muscles in his arm twitched.

"Nothing," Leo said quietly, his tone a soft warning for me to leave it alone.

I didn't press it. Whatever it was Leo wasn't willing to share it with me right now, but that didn't mean he wouldn't tell me what it was later, I could wait. I fell back into silence beside him, watching the traffic light below us turn green and the traffic slowly trickle through the intersection. A few pedestrians hurried across the street, carrying their shopping bags filled with groceries or clothing.

"I like it here," Leo finally whispered.

I jerked in surprise in reaction to his voice but then I glared at him, I could feel my muscles coiling in reaction to that simple sentence. I hated this place - it was place where my brother's freedom had been taken from him. How could he possible like it here?

Leo's mouth twitched and his head slowly turned towards me, a half smile pulling up the corner of his mouth as if he could see my reaction to what he'd just said. "I know what you're thinking, Raph," Leo said sounding a little amused.

"How can you like it here, Leo?" I demanded feeling the blood rush to my head in my anger I was starting to see red, I wanted to hit something. "After what happened to you here? After what was taken from you? After what you've had to go through because of what happened here? How could you possibly like it." I felt my stomach twist as I once again saw the large blood stain on the roof beside my brother and I had to fight back the bile that threatened to overwhelm me. That rusty stain was a reminder of what I'd almost lost that night and here my brother was sitting next to it, one hand resting on it as though he knew that was where he'd fallen. But perhaps he did.

"It's the last place I felt like myself," Leo admitted softly. "The last place I felt like a big brother - like a part of this team. It was the last place I protected you, stopped you from getting seriously hurt. The last place that I was normal."

Leo's fingers brushed the rusty stain again gently before he pulled his hand away and rubbed his thigh gingerly while he frowned down at his lap.

"Leo," I said quietly as I placed a hand lightly on Leo's arm. I felt the muscles bunch under my touch but I pretended not to notice. "You're still our big brother, and you'll always be a part of this team."

Leo shook his head and jerked his arm out from under my touch. "We both know I'm just a liability now, Raph. I can't stop you guys from getting hurt anymore than I can see your face right now. I worthless, I failed to do my job - as this team's leader and as the big brother. I could've gotten us both killed that night and instead I have to face blackness every day for the rest of my life. Always dependent on my brothers to help me with everything, unable to do anything for myself." His voice went hard and cold. I felt my insides matching the tone of his voice, I felt numb. What was he saying?

"Leo, that's not true - we'd be lost without you. You're the reason we keep going, keep trying, just because you eyesight is gone it doesn't mean anything else has changed," I insisted.

Leo snorted and shook his head slowly.

"No!" I growled and I grabbed Leo's shoulders forcing him to look at me, I shook him a little and I heard Leo's teeth rattle a little. "You listen to me, Leo!" I barked angrily as my fingers dug hard enough into his skin to leave bruises, but I didn't care. I was going to get through to him if it was the last thing I did. "Nothing has changed between us! You're still our big brother your still our '_fearless leader' _and despite what you might think sometimes it is better going into some situations blind. You're the reason I'm sitting next to you! You're the reason I'm still breathing! You saved my shell that night, if you hadn't jumped in when you had I don't doubt that she would've killed me. You're always there when we need you, Leo, and you ain't gonna quit on us now! I'm not gonna let you!"

The ridges over Leo's eyes rose in surprise and shock. Then slowly, ever so slowly he raised one hand and rested it on my shoulder, squeezing it gently. "Ok, Raph," he whispered quietly, and he smiled a little. "Ok."

Releasing my hold on him I stood up, then gripped his hand and pulled him to his feet as well. "Come on, we better get back before the others have to comb this whole city lookin' for you."

"Hey, Raph?" Leo asked as he slipped whatever he'd been holding into his belt.

"Yeah?"

"How did you know I'd be here?"

I grinned. "That's easy, Leo. I know you - you're my brother."

Leo's face split into a grin.

Pulling out my shell cell I quickly pushed down the button for Donny's phone. It rang only once and then Donny's frantic voice answered, pleading with me for any sign of our brother.

"Raph?"

"Donny," I said as I watched Leo walk across the roof, cane in his hand. "It's ok - I found him."


	7. Chapter 6: Breaking Points

_Author's Note: I am so sorry for the delay with this story - I 've had so much going on lately that I just haven't had the time to do much of anything! Between our anniversary, the holidays, working 12 hour days, the normal day to day house things, and getting ready to move in a month things have just kept me hopping. I don't know if anyone is even interested in this story anymore - but if you are I'd be happy to continue it. If not then I completely understand. I'm hoping the next chapter won't take me as long to get up. Thanks for understanding. _

_P.S. I know this chapter is a bit shorter than my normal chapters are but I need to end it here so I can get started on the next bit - hopefully the next chapter will be longer. _

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**Chapter 6: Breaking Points**

_**3 Months Later...**_

**Leonardo**

"Again!" I growled under my breath as my brother's twin sais caught my katana between their prongs. I heaved in a deep breath and brought my second sword around to meet him, only to be met with a second block, this one throwing me off balance a little. I scowled and swung gracefully around in an arc, bringing my swords with me. But just before I hit my mark Raph's foot connected with my plastron and I felt the wind rush from my lungs as I lost my footing and fell ungracefully to the ground in a crumpled heap my swords tucked beneath me. I gasped as I fought to fill my lungs with oxygen, but found it nearly impossible to do. Raph's kick had been anything but soft and I found it hard to do much more than drag swift shallow breaths into my aching and desperate lungs.

Raph's hand curled around the lip of my shell and I felt his steady weight and support lean against me as I fought to control myself once more.

"Easy, bro, deep breaths - come on. That's it - now another one just like that," He patted my shell gently as I dragged another deep lungful of air into my lungs and then I sat back on my heels, my swords scraping across the ground with a sound that made bumps rise on my arms. I slid them back into the sheaves on my shell slumped dejectedly as I realized that I'd once again had to face defeat.

"You're doing better, Leo," Raph encouraged as he grabbed my arm and helped me to my feet. I accepted his help a little reluctantly, but once I was upright I jerked my arm away and made my way towards the kitchen, so familiar with the lair now that I no longer needed my cane to get around. My brothers had stopped leaving things on the floor months ago so I wouldn't accidently trip over anything. We'd all had to learn that the hard way when I tripped over Mikey's skateboard and nearly broke my neck in the fall. I didn't remember much to be honest after stepping on the board and having the horrifying feeling of flying forward on something with wheels when I couldn't see. But when I woke up I could hear someone's soft steady breathing right next to me.

Donny later told me that the skateboard I'd stepped on had caught on a rug and I'd shot off of it, flying right into one of the walls head first. Raph had been the first one to me and he hadn't left my side until after I'd woken up. Mikey was a wreck and it wasn't until I woke up and talked to him myself that he finally calmed down.

Wiping a few beads of sweat away from my forehead I forced myself to smile. My training sessions with Raph were getting better, I used to be flattened on the floor within the first few minutes, always missing my target. But now I was getting better at using my other senses, of hearing Raph's soft breathing, of where his feet fell when he walked and could easily picture his position in my head, making my aims more accurate and deadly. He still out skilled me with weapons practice though, it was something I was struggling to try and master. Splinter told me repeatedly not to be impatient, that it too would come with time and patience. But even after months of training I still felt like I was progressing slower than a snail moves.

Each of my brothers had taken time out to train with me in turn, and all of them had bested me, but Raph's sessions were always the hardest. He pushed me harder, was more critical of my moves, and showed me no mercy when I made mistakes. I rubbed my plastron gingerly and winced at a tender spot, sure that I had bruised a few ribs.

I knew my other brothers wouldn't be happy if they noticed how sore I was - they always accused Raph of being too hard on me. But I was glad he was being rough - because it forced to me defend myself and fight back, increasing my defensive skills and giving me better practices than what my other brothers gave me. So I often sought Raph out for training practices - he was always willing to spar with me so it never took too much persuasion when I really wanted a good work out.

Exhausted from today's hour long weapons practice I collapsed into a chair at the table thankfully, propping my elbows on the tabletop and burying my face in my hands. I could hear Raph heading for the stairs, probably heading for his room, and loud thumps coming from the direction of Donny's lab, which probably meant he was working on something new.

"Hey, Leo," Mikey said as he entered the kitchen, he bit into something and crunched it loudly as he walked towards the sink. "Wanna chip?"

I shook my head but didn't pull my head away from my hands. I felt drained, I could feel the muscles in my legs trembling and my chest was still heaving from the heavy work out. Small droplets of perspiration were soaking my mask, and my hands were slick with it.

"You know, Leo," Mikey said as he tried to sound nonchalant, but I lifted my head from my hands, not at all fooled by his casual tone.

"We could get you a seeing eye dog, Leo - that'd be cool," Mikey said filling his voice with enthusiasm that wasn't at all forced. Mikey had always had a soft spot for lost cute and cuddly things. He'd wanted to keep April when we first rescued her from Doctor Stockman and then he'd brought home Klunk one Christmas Eve. It didn't surprise me at all that Mikey would think getting a guide dog would make up for loosing my eyesight.

I paused for a minute as though carefully considering this, knowing that Mike's enthusiasm over this was a lot greater than my own would ever have been. And that would have been before I lost my eyesight.

"I don't think that's such a great idea, Mikey," I finally said slowly, as if I were still considering the idea. I could hear the collected breath that Mikey had been holding escape his lungs in a loud whoosh in his dissappointment.

"Why not?" Mikey asked.

"Because something like that doesn't belong down in the sewer, bro," I said smiling in the general direction that Mikey's voice was coming from. "Those dogs train for hours and hours to work with people above ground, to help them live their lives. To bring one down to the sewer wouldn't be fair to it."

Mikey didn't answer me, in fact he was quiet for so long I wondered briefly if he'd left the kitchen while I'd been talking.

"Mikey?" I asked a little concerned.

"Yeah?"

Hearing his soft voice chock full of dissappointment settled me a little. He sounded like he believed my explanation, and I sighed in relief. I couldn't even imagine the look on Sensei's face if Mikey brought a dog down here, even a specially trained one - and I had a pretty good imagination.

"Hey," Mikey finally announced and I could easily picture the enthusiasm on his face as he stood up so quickly that the chair he'd been sitting in toppled over.

"What?"

"Donny rented Jurassic Park on audio tape - you wanna come listen to it with us?"

"Sure," I agreed automatically, although I wasn't sure if I really wanted to listen to a book where dinosaurs went around eating everyone. But I knew that the only reason Donny had gotten the audio book was so we all could sit around and enjoy something without me feeling left out. Mikey's hand was suddenly on my arm as he tried to pull me from the chair but I was reluctant to stand up. I was still exhausted from the rough work out with Raph, my legs hadn't stopped shaking yet.

"Well come on then! Everyone's waiting for us!"

"Mikey, Donny and Raph are busy we don't have to do it right now," I said as I tried pulling my arm out of his grip but he didn't release me. I frowned a little and tugged more firmly but Mikey's fingers tightened around my arm.

"Donny is just in his lab - he said he wanted to talk to you about something and to come get him when you finished your work out with Raph."

I sighed and closed my eyes wearily. Apparently Mikey was watching me because his hold on my arm relaxed at once and then I could feel his hot breath on my face, apparently I had worried him enough that he felt that I needed a closer inspection.

"You look kind of flushed, Leo," Mikey said after a few long seconds.

I waved him away. "Go get Donny, Mikey," I tried to grin but wasn't sure if I succeeded. "I'll wait here."

With the slightest rustle Mikey was gone and I was left in the kitchen to pull myself together in the short amount of time it would take Donny to get here from the lab, which would probably be cut even shorter if Mikey told Donny how worn out I looked. I could tell I was worn out, I ached for a hot shower and a soft bed. But I knew that going to bed this early would raise suspicions.

Wiping away the last of the perspiration away from my brow I leaned back in the chair and closed my eyes, not that it made much of a difference to me either way. But at least my brothers knew I was awake when my eyes were open. My mind wandered back to the sparring session with Raph, the way his movements had come faster, the sais just barely missing my skin, and the sounds of metal on metal as our weapons met. I'd almost had him once but was so surprised by my short victory that my guard went down for a fraction of a second and Raph capitalized on it. A rookie mistake that I haven't made in years, I'd felt angry with myself but Raph, instead of reprimanding me instead just clapped me on the shoulder briefly then told me get ready to start again.

"Leo?" Donny's worried voice echoed across the living room and into the kitchen where he sat. I sighed internally to myself, guess that answered my question as to whether or not Mikey told Donny. A few short seconds later Donny was crouched down in front of me, one hand on my wrist taking my pulse the other gripping my chin and turn my head from side to side, apparently checking me over. I tugged my head and wrist away from and narrowed my eyes marginally.

"There's nothing wrong with me, Donny," I said coolly.

Donny didn't seem convinced, I could practically feel his gaze burning into me.

"How long did you and Raph work out today, Leo?" Donny demanded after several minutes of awkward silence.

I shrugged one shoulder casually. It wasn't like a watch would do me any good these days.

"Leo!" Donny barked his tone less patient this time.

"I don't know, Don!" I snapped back irritably, my temper immediately flaring. "A while I guess. It's not like I can keep track of the time these days."

The air left Donny's lungs so fast it was as though someone had knocked the air out of him. His breath escaped him in a gush and there was again that hushed awkward silence between us. I waited my blank eyes staring up unseeingly at the ceiling.

"What was it you wanted to talk to me about?" I finally asked to break the silence between us, remembering why I'd had Mikey go fetch Donny in the first place.

"What?" Donny asked sounding distracted.

"Mikey said you wanted to talk to me about something..." I prompted gently.

"Oh...right," Donny said coming to himself. I felt him move away from me and pull out the chair closest to mine, its legs scraping across the floor. "April called while you and Raph were working out in the dojo - Casey is feeling a bit better and April thought it would be good for him to get out of the city for a few days. She invited us to go out to the farm with them."

My spirits lifted a little, and my heart began to pound a bit harder inside my chest as excitement tore through me. Actually leave the city? Get away from all the chaos of New York and maybe have some time to myself where my brothers wouldn't be constantly hovering over me? It was too good to be true.

"...to you," Donny continue, obviously talking while my mind had begun to race I'd missed most of what he'd just said.

"What was that?" I asked.

"I said that it would be up to you," Donny repeated, again his voice just barely masking his worry.

"Oh, right," I said as I rubbed the back of my head to hide my embarrassment - I knew that Donny could tell I hadn't been paying too much attention to what he'd been saying. "When are they heading out?"

Donny hesitated and his voice sounded a little funny when he answered, almost as if that wasn't what he had expected me to say. "Day after tomorrow."

"The others up for it?"

Again Donny hesitated and I frowned. What was going on here? Why wasn't Donny more excited about this?

"Yeah, Leo, they were up for it if you were."

I forced myself to smile, still not understanding Donny's tone, but I guessed that I'd figure it all out anyway. Whatever it was that was bothering him I knew he'd eventually open up about it.

"Sounds good."


	8. Chapter 7: Freedom

_**A/N: **Hey guys - I apologize again for the long wait in between chapters. RL has been really hard for me lately and I've had a hard time dealing with all the normal every day stuff, let alone working or even thinking about writing. My husband was really sick for a whole month and was unable to work so I was working as many hours as I could just to pay bills. On top of that we had to move out five days earlier than we had anticipated and so after work I would come home and unpack trying to get us set up - so I was putting in a good 17-20 hour days between work work and unpacking stuff. I've had a lot of stuff come up after that and things are finally settling down now so I thought I'd focus and see if I couldn't get this chapter finished. Again I apologize for the delay but as work and RL often keep me busy I can't promise to get updates up any faster, I'm afraid I'll just have to do what I can when I can. If no one is interested in this story anymore I apologize. But just in case I promise to keep writing it until it is finished anyway, I promise I won't give up on it until it is finished. Thanks again._

**Chapter 7: Freedom**

**Raphael**

I was about two seconds away from smacking Mikey upside the head for the third time in the last half hour. His obnoxious music was driving me up the wall - and what was worse is that I could hear it through his headphones clear in the back seat. I could see the muscle jumping in Donny's jaw when he looked in the review mirror and knew that Mikey's music was driving him crazy too. Sensei had managed to drown out Mikey's music by meditating as he usually did for these long car trips and Leo was asleep. But how he could sleep through all that racket was a mystery to me.

Mikey nodded his head in time with the music, snapping his fingers, and grinning to himself. If he started to sing along I was going to throw his iPod out the window. I clenched my jaw, closed my eyes, and curled my fingers into fists to resist the urge of smacking Mikey and telling him to turn it down. I'd lost track of how many times I'd told Mikey to do that during the car trip to Casey's Grandma's old farm but the message wasn't sinking through to Mikey. He'd turn it down for about a nano-second then turn it back up again full blast. At least that was what it sounded like.

I forced myself to calm down, knowing that if I smacked Mikey again I might seriously regret it. Sensei might be meditating but he was always much more aware of what was going on than he let on. The last time I'd smacked Mikey upside the head Splinter had opened his eyes and had given me a warning look - I knew it well enough to know I was pressing my luck. If I did it again Splinter would get after me and I knew I'd regret that. Splinter's ideas of a punishment weren't standard - they were hard physical labor and the last thing I wanted to do when I first got to the farm was to be doing fifteen back flips while everyone except Leo watched.

Something twinged uncomfortably in my stomach and I looked over at Leo's limp and relaxed form. Leo's head was on the tinted window, his eyes closed, the scars on his face darker than the rest of his skin. I had a feeling that they weren't going to fade either - those scars were going to define my brother's face for the rest of his life. I suppressed a scowl and instead settled for flexing my fisted fingers - if I ever got a hold of whoever was responsible for this...

Leo had been asleep for almost an hour now. He'd started off reading one of the braille books Donny had given him, his fingers gliding silently from one side of the page to the other, his blank eyes staring up at the ceiling, his face impassive. It had been interesting to watch as Leo's expressions changed the further he read - it was hard to believe that all those little bumps on the page actually made words. I'd felt them for myself when no one was around and they didn't make much sense to me. They were bumps on a page, and so close together that it seemed impossible for anyone to read that.

Leo barely even touched the pages, his fingers just lightly skimmed over the invisible words and occasionally he'd smile or frown. After a while though Leo's movements had slowed and his eyelids drooped. I knew it wouldn't be long before he was asleep and sure enough the next time I looked over Leo was asleep. I knew that Donny was trying to keep an eye on him from the rear view mirror as we left New York, and I also knew that Donny wasn't too happy about this trip. He would have been all for keeping Leo at home but Leo had been so excited and had jumped at the chance to get out of the lair.

Not that I blamed him, I'd have been itching to get out and stretch my legs if I'd been cooped up in the lair for so long. I'd taken Leo topside with me a couple of times and once in a while he'd go for a walk by himself down the sewer tunnels, but never far enough away that we'd have to worry and he was usually back within half an hour. We all tried not to hover over him, but we could tell that Leo was getting pretty annoyed with us anyway.

The farm would be a good opportunity for Leo to have some time to himself. Mikey liked roaming the woods even though Splinter always told him to stay close to the house, Donny always had plenty of new gadgets to tinker with and Splinter always took refuge upstairs for quiet meditation. April and Casey had each other to keep themselves occupied, especially since Casey was still out of action and I always managed to keep busy myself. Leo would probably spend some much needed alone time out in the barn, it was his favorite place to hide out because it was so isolated and quiet.

Leo shifted in his sleep, his jaw tightened a little and he twitched before calming down again. I watched him cautiously, knowing that he was dreaming, and knowing that it was only in his dreams that Leo could see. That made me feel sick. Of the four of us I was probably the only one who could relate to what Leo was going through, having my sight stolen from me once. Fortunately for me I got it back. But even still it had been terrifying to open my eyes and see nothing but blackness, to realize that my world had gone dark leaving me extremely vulnerable. I was alone except for some kids named Tyler who I'd been trying to take to the police so they could take him home. But then Tyler had told me how a bunch of goons had kidnapped his mom and he was trying to save her. It had made for a very rough and long night.

Eventually my eyesight came back and I was able to high tail and skip out of there, but I had had to admit to myself that it had been a close call for me that night and I had been extremely lucky. Unfortunately for Leo, it didn't look like his luck was going to be the same. Donny examined Leo's eyes every couple of weeks but his diagnosis was always the same - there wasn't any improvement. Leo could tell us that himself since he was still unable to see, but he humored Donny when Donny doctored him and kept quiet throughout the examination.

Leo's fighting skills had improved a lot since this had all happened, and I had a few scars to prove it. Leo had stopped trying to see what he couldn't see and had started to depend on his other senses to help him find me wherever I was. A simple shift of my weight would clue him in and he'd swing his katana around and I'd have to either move or block it. A couple of times Leo had taken me off guard and had managed to nick my arm. This would cause him to panic as he could feel the blade cutting through something more solid than air. After calming him down and reassuring him I was fine he'd go off to the bathroom while I would go upstairs and patch up the wounds myself. They were never deep, just skin deep and while my other brothers were curious they never asked.

Mikey turned his music up even louder and I ground my jaw together in an attempt to control my temper and not hit him. I could see Donny's hands tighten around the steering wheel and knew it was the only thing stopping him from reaching over and snatching the iPod from Mikey for good. I closed my eyes and counted to ten, trying to drown out the drums that were giving me a headache. I really didn't want to wake Leo if I could help it and I knew Splinter wouldn't be happy if I did either. Not when Leo had been so restless lately.

Mikey's music was soon drowned out, however, when he started to hum along. That did it! Without thinking I reached forward and smacked Mikey right upside the head hard enough to make a nice satisfying smacking noise.

"Ow!" Mikey yelped as he opened his eyes and turned back to glare at me while rubbing the back of his head. "What the shell, Raph?"

"Turn it down shell for brains some of us are tryin' to sleep back here," I grumbled.

"Raphael," Splinter's voice was stern. I cringed and looked apologetically at him. He didn't need to say anymore, the look in his eyes said it all. Sheepishly I looked over at Leo who was now wide awake, blinking up at the ceiling, a distressed look on his face.

"Leo? You ok?" Donny asked anxiously as he peered at Leo through the review mirror.

Leo blinked a few times then held his head in his hands and groaned.

"Leo?" I asked starting to feel anxious myself.

Leo didn't answer, he just groaned again, his fingers digging into his mask.

"LEO!" I unfastened my seat belt, ignoring the angry buzzing sound it made as it was jerked back, and hurried to where Leo was sitting, grabbing Leo's arms and squeezing them. "Leo, what's wrong?"

"Dizzy," Leo muttered into his palms, his face hidden from me.

"It could be the long car ride," Donny tried to explain but I could see that he too was worried.

Pulling Leo's hands away from his face I saw that Leo had closed his eyes and that his jaw was tight. "Leo, do you feel sick?"

Leo shook his head. "Dizzy, I'm so dizzy."

"Should we stop for a minute?" I asked Donny feeling desperate.

Donny shook his head. "We're only ten minutes away he'll be fine when we get there."

Leo leaned his head back and swallowed hard. Splinter slid his hand over and cupped one of Leo's hands in his own. Leo visibly relaxed at Splinter's touch but still looked tense and a bit paler than he normally was. Instead of sitting back down in my seat I sat next to Leo's, my jaw clenched, my eyes hard, and my mind visibly counting down the minutes until we got there. Hoping that Donny would step on it.

* * *

It seemed like hours later before Donny finally pulled into the farm's drive. Leo had gone even paler and I had feared that he might be sick, but once the car stopped a little bit of color returned to his face again.

"We should get him upstairs," Donny suggested after he killed the engine. "Mikey, go grab some extra pillows and blankets - meet us up there."

I didn't look to see if Mikey nodded I was focused on Leo and how hard he was breathing, it was almost panting even though he hadn't been working out hard. Something was wrong, but I had no idea what. Donny too looked worried as he helped Splinter get Leo out of the truck. Knowing where I was needed I jumped on the other side of Leo and with Donny's help we get our brother up to the house. Leo's eyes hadn't opened and he didn't seem aware of where we were.

We half dragged half carried Leo upstairs, ignoring the astonished and worried looks April and Casey gave us as we passed them, not even bothering to return their cheerful greetings. Leo's breathing eased a bit when we laid him down on one of the cots we'd used before, but he kept his eyes shut and didn't answer us when we asked him if he was ok. When Mikey appeared a few seconds later burdened down with blankets and pillows I grabbed Donny by the elbow and dragged him back downstairs.

"What the shell happened to him, Donny?" I demanded when we reached the bottom of the stairs and Donny jerked his arm away from my grip.

"Raph, I don't know! This is just as new to me as it is to the rest of you - I don't know everything!" Donny snapped sounding so angry it took me by surprise for a second. But than I realized that Donny was just as scared as we were about Leo's sudden wave of vertigo.

"Sorry, Donny - I've just never seen Leo like this."

"We shouldn't have come - what happened was just proof of what I was talking to you guys about before we left."

I opened my mouth to argue but stopped when the loose floorboard and the top of the stairs creaked and turned automatically to see who was coming.

"What things were you talking about, Don?" Leo's voice was cold. He still didn't look like he was feeling very well but he was standing, the walking stick he hadn't had to use for a while was clutched tightly in his right hand now that we were somewhere new, somewhere he wasn't as familiar with. Leo's jaw was clenched and an angry line was creased between the bridges over his eyes. From the tone of his voice and the expression on his face Donny and I both knew that Leo had been able to hear our whole conversation.

Mikey appeared over Leo's shoulder looking anxiously down at us before at Leo.

"What things, Don?" Leo asked more firmly this time, and even though he couldn't see us it was almost like he could. He was far enough away that we couldn't see which direction his blank eyes were looking.

From the expression on Donny's face I could tell that he wasn't prepared to tell Leo what he'd told us before we'd left the lair, and he he'd hoped he wouldn't have to. He'd confided to Splinter, Mikey and I that he didn't feel like Leo was up for long journey's yet - that Leo hadn't had enough recovery time. That he was still too vulnerable. But I had argued against him - Leo wanted to come, if he hadn't lost his eyesight we wouldn't have argued the point. Leo was still just as independent as he had been before - he didn't like being coddled. He wanted to stand on his own two feet - and who were we to stand in his way?

Bur whatever had happened to Leo in the car had seriously freaked us all out. I'd never seen Leo so vulnerable, so out of control. And I had been helpless to do anything about it - and so had everyone else.

Leo's patience was wearing thin. "Don!"

"I just thought that coming out here so soon wasn't such a great idea yet, Leo." Donny said quietly, almost mumbled. But I knew Leo would hear it - his hear was super sonic these days.

Leo looked really angry for half a second and then his face went blank, his hand relaxed its grip on his cane and he spoke so coolly and controlled that I should have seen what he was going to do next.

"So that's how you really feel is it? That I can't make my own decisions? That I need to be watched every second just because my sight is gone?"

"Leo, that isn't what I..."

But Leo wasn't going to let Donny explain. "I don't need a babysitter, Donatello!"

I heard Donny's sharp inhale. Leo never used our full names unless he was really angry. Donny suddenly looked very pale, even paler than Leo had looked in the car and I realized that he too knew what Leo was thinking.

"I never said you did I just..."

But Leo was done talking, and more than that he wasn't going to listen either. With a swift turn he disappeared from view, his cane tapping the floorboards above us as he did. Mikey looked after him for a second before looking down at us once again and shrugging.

"Donatello," Master Splinter called softly. Donny flinched as though Splinter had yelled at him. He turned to our Sensei looking rather guilty. "Come with me my son."

Donatello followed Splinter back outside. With another swift glance up the stairs I decided better against it and I slumped down in one of the armchairs with a sigh. I knew Leo was mad as shell upstairs and when he got that way it was just best to stay out of his way.

* * *

**2 Days Later**

**Raphael**

I rubbed the back of my neck as I walked down the stairs, woken by the sounds of my brothers as they went about their morning activities. I could tell Mikey was in the kitchen making breakfast from the clattering of the pots and pans in the kitchen. Donny was sitting at the table tinkering with something I couldn't identify, the ridges over his eyes slightly narrowed in his concentration. Splinter was sitting on the living room rug, his eyes closed in his mediation, and April was was looking out the window, flinching every time a pan clattered to the floor in the other room. Leo was no where to be seen.

I sighed to myself and sat down opposite of Donny. I knew where Leo would be, hiding out in the barn like he had been for the past two days. It was much like it had been the time Leo had been nearly killed by the elite guard. He'd hidden out in the barn for days, refusing to come up to the house and often skipping meals while he battled his own inner demons. When Splinter told me that Leo would need all of our help to fully heal I wandered out to the barn to see what I could do. Leo had been less than pleased to see me at first, but I could see that he needed me there, so I refused to leave. It really helped him that time, but I had a feeling that this time would be different. Leo's injuries weren't permanent last time, and this time they most likely were. Leo's sight had been stolen from him - how was I supposed to help him overcome that when he had lost it because of me?

"Breakfast!" Mikey announced stepping out of the kitchen balancing several dishes loaded with food precariously.

April turned from the window and visibly paled. "Mikey, do you need help with those?"

I wanted to laugh, Mikey did the same thing every day but April would never get used to it.

"No thanks," Mikey said with a wide grin before he tossed the plates up and quickly and easily placed them around the table.

At that moment Casey opened up the front door and stepped inside, he looked quickly at Splinter, who hadn't moved, and then to the table where everyone else was sitting down. He frowned as his eyes traveled around the table and finally landed on me. "Has anyone seen Leo this morning?"

"Isn't he out in the barn?" Donny asked without much concern. He set down his mechanical gizmo and picked up his fork. Mikey sat down next to Donny and began to shovel eggs into his mouth.

Splinter's ears twitched and he opened his eyes slowly, trying to look mildly curious instead of worried but I could tell that something wasn't right. Casey wouldn't be asking if Leo was in the barn.

"I just checked, he wasn't in there."

Mikey froze, the fork loaded with eggs halfway to his mouth. His eyes widening in alarm at Casey's words. "You sure he isn't out there, Casey?"

Without waiting for Casey's answer I was out the door and running for the barn.

* * *

**Leonardo**

The summer sun was warm on my face as I walked slowly through the trees, my walking stick banging against the large trunks and warning me of any uplifted roots that could trip me up. I hadn't gone to the barn this morning like I had for the past couple of days, I knew it would take my brothers a while to realize I was gone but once they did they'd be out searching for me. But I had gotten an early enough start that it would take them a while to catch up. I knew that once they did I'd be lucky if they let me out of their sight again but I had to get away. I still felt sick at the thought that Donny thought that I hadn't been up for coming out here. That I wasn't strong enough.

He'd been very subdued ever since Splinter had taken him aside a couple of days ago, and I knew that he was just worried about me, but I also felt humiliated. I didn't know what had caused that feeling in the car on our way up here. I didn't know why I'd suddenly had a hard time breathing, why the world had spun around me, or why I had wished to black out. I'd been in the car several times after my sight had been taken from me and I'd never had a problem. So why had I this time?

My walking stick banged against something right in front of me. I stopped and tapped the object with my stick again. It was solid and very wide. The sound my stick made against it told me it wasn't a tree. A rock maybe? Holding out a hand I brushed the rough surface with my fingers. Definitely a rock - or a boulder to be more precise. It was massive from what I could tell. Feeling my way around the boulder I felt my fingers slip into a crevasse, strong enough to be a hand hold for those wishing to climb it.

I don't know what possessed me to do it but I suddenly found myself facing an obstacle I had to conquer. Tossing aside my walking stick I used the hand hold and pulled myself up, my left foot proppelling me up while my free hand searched for something else to grab. With each step I took I felt a silent triumph grow within me as if I was overcoming everything I'd been struggling against these past few months.

The loss of my sight, my anger, my vulnerability, the inability to protect my brothers, my fears. I left everything behind me as I made my way slowly up the boulder and then after felt like forever I felt the smooth surface and I hauled my lower body onto it. My legs were shaking and I was panting for air. I could feel the sun hitting my face and my mask was soaked with sweat. My mouth was dry and I longed for a drink of water, but was too tired to move let alone climb down. But I felt something else too, something I thought I'd never feel again. Exhilarated! I had done it! I had mastered something I couldn't see! My heart was thudding heavily in my chest, my pulse racing in my ears and my harsh breathing echoed around me but I didn't notice them. Nothing could steal away this moment from me. For the first time in months I felt free.


	9. Chapter 8: Night Falls On A Moonless Sky

**A/N: **I just want to say thank you for those of you who are still interested in this story, and especially those who took the time to leave me reviews. Getting those inspired me to push through a really rough patch I've had with RL lately. I was so bummed out and so stressed that I really didn't want to do much of anything - even if I had the time. But I kept going and it looks as though our bad spell has finally broken as we've had our first really good news since January. As stressful as this week has been writing this had helped me relieve some of it. So thank you again for the reviews they really have meant so much to me. I'll try to update again soon.

**Chapter 8: Night Falls On A Moonless Sky**

**Leonardo**

I wasn't exactly sure how much time had passed as I sat here, it didn't feel like very long though. I had made myself more comfortable on top of this bolder, sitting in my usual mediation position and had let my mind roam free while I tried to picture my surroundings. I was sure that my brothers were out looking for me by now, that I wouldn't have too long before they found me, and when they did they were going to be mad as shell. But at the moment I was enjoying my independence. A few hours without someone hovering over me, or coming to check in on me to see how I was feeling.

And then I heard it. The snapping of a twig as something, or someone, stepped on it. I tensed. Waiting with my breath frozen in my chest, but on the outside I remained just as relaxed as I had been mere moments ago.

"You've been out here for hours my son."

The breath rushed out of my lungs in relief. Glad that it was Splinter that had found me, and even though I had anticipated him to be upset or even angry with me for going off on my own his tone was much softer than I had expected. I unfolded my legs and felt a tingling sensation as the blood flow began a regular circulation. I opened my blank eyes so Splinter would know that I was listening.

I could hear his soft pads and sharp claws against the rough surface of the boulder as he climbed up beside me, his training in ninjitsu had left him with much more agility than most, even in his old age. He was up beside me in less than two minutes, making me think that either I'd climbed up the harder side or it wasn't as big as I had thought it was. A soft wind rustled through the branches of the trees and the sweet scent of Splinter's fur had me inhaling deeply. It was my favorite scent in the world, his fur, and I hated to think what would happen when he was no longer around.

He said nothing at first but just sat beside me in silence for a few minutes, listening while the last birds chirped their evening songs and then the night birds began to make their own appearances. I was surprised by this - I hadn't realized just how long I had been out here. But it was a lot longer than I had thought. I was sure I had panicked my brothers when I didn't return and more than that I must have frightened Splinter as well.

"Master, I'm sorry, I didn't mean too..."

Splinter's warm paw rested on my leg silencing me at once, he squeezed the muscles gently. He wasn't looking for an apology, he hadn't come after me to get one. He'd come for something else.

"Your brothers have been worried, Leonardo," Splinter finally spoke softly and I could hear the sincerity behind those words. I was already sure of this and I dropped my head, trying not to imagine the panic my brothers must have been feeling when I disappeared without a trace and never came back.

"Are they out here?" I asked.

"No, they are at the farmhouse - I told them to stay and I would come find you," Splinter said simply.

"Master?" I asked in surprise. Usually Splinter would allow my brothers to search but there must have been something on his mind that he meant for my ears alone.

"I know you are feeling suppressed, Leonardo," Splinter said gently and he squeezed my leg again. "I understand that this has been the hardest on you, that you feel as if you are a liability to your brothers. That you cannot lead them as you once did."

"Master Splinter, how could I?" I interrupted feeling ashamed of my insecurity in this matter and the fact that Master Splinter had noticed it. "I can't see anything! There's no way I could..."

"Leonardo," Splinter said gently but firmly and I fell silent at once. "We all walk different paths in life, some of them are harder than others. Some of them make us struggle more - but all paths lead to the same place in the end."

I ground my teeth feeling a bit frustrated. This wasn't what I wanted to hear - it wasn't answering any of my questions. It was just confusing me and raising more questions I didn't know I had. "Master Splinter, I don't understand what that has to do with..."

"Life will never throw more at you than it thinks you can handle. Sometimes when it it feels like we're sinking we find that we are actually floating, we just haven't noticed the difference yet. Life has dealt us a hand that we need to master, but first we must master ourselves, Leonardo. If we cannot do that - than what hope do we have of moving forward?"

"But I still don't see how I can..." I started but Master Splinter interrupted me again.

"How can we have a spring without first having a winter? The winter storms may feel as if they'll last a lifetime but spring comes every year."

With that Splinter rose and made his way slowly back down the boulder, pausing once more before he reached the bottom. "Come back when you are ready, my son, we'll all be there waiting for you." Then so quietly that anything other than my super sharp hearing would miss he turned and left me alone.

* * *

**Raphael**

I paced back and forth across the living room, waiting anxiously for Master Splinter and Leo to return. What was taking so long? I should be out there looking too! Not just sitting here on my shell doing nothing!

"Splinter's coming back!" Mikey shouted from where he was perched at the window, where he had been waiting just as impatiently as I had been since the moment Master Splinter disappeared into the trees. "But Leo's not with him! Why isn't Leo with him?" Mikey's voice shook and I felt my stomach twist sickeningly. Had Master Splinter been unable to find him?

Without waiting for Splinter to return to the house I ran to the front door and yanked it out of the way before running down the front lawn to meet him. Master Splinter looked a little tired, but unhurt. And he seemed unconcerned that he hadn't brought Leo back with him.

"Master, where's Leo?" I asked.

"Leonardo will return when he feels ready, Raphael." Master Splinter answered simply as he walked around me and back to the house. I stared at the trees he had just emerged from, hoping that Leo's silhouette would appear, but there was nothing there. I ground my teeth together and turned back as Splinter slowly made his way up the front stairs and into the warmth of the living room.

The evening was chilly, and I felt a shiver run up my spin imagining Leo out there some where alone, while we all sat on our butts around a warm fire. A wind rustled the leaves on the branches and a few clouds drifted across the sky. I glared into the darkness, waiting, holding my breath impatiently.

"Raphael!" Splinter called from inside the house.

With a low growl I turned and trudged slowly back across the yard, my body feeling very heavy. I could see Mikey standing on the porch waiting for me, his face just as worried as it had been before, and now visibly upset. I suppressed a sigh, I knew that someone was going to have to calm Mikey down before he did something stupid. Mikey had always been the most innocent of the four of us, the one who always expected us to be there. He'd been hit hard by the reality that we might not be when Leo had been ambushed by the Shredder's Foot Soldiers a few years ago.

I winced at the memory and tried to banish it to the back of my mind again. I didn't like remembering that day any more than Mikey did. Sure Leo was a pain in the shell sometimes, and yeah he really knew how to push some of my buttons, but at the end of the day Leo was my big brother. And there was nothing I wouldn't do for the guy.

When he didn't come back from his morning run that morning I had been aching to get out there and find him, sure as shell that he was down scoping out the sewers without us. I wanted to bash a few heads too. And then just when we'd been told to go look for him Leo was back. The shattering of the glass had taken us all by surprise, and then I felt my body freeze. I could only stare open-mouthed while Leo's battered body flew into the room, flipping in mid air and then he landed on his shell with a cry that echoed in my head for weeks afterward.

I shook my head, this wasn't the same situation. No one but us knew we were out here - and little miss Shredder, or Karai didn't even know this place existed! The most dangerous thing out here was probably a moose, and even Leo could avoid one of them.

"He's not coming back is he?" Mikey whispered, obviously distraught as I stepped onto the bottom porch step.

I glared up at him for half a second before the terror in his eyes made my expression soften. "Yeah he is, Mikey. Give him more time - he's gotta figure some stuff out."

Mikey's eyes shifted from the tree line to my face and his eyes glistened with what I recognized to be unshed tears. If Leo didn't come back soon I was going to go find him myself and seriously kick his shell.

"You think so, Raph?"

"I know he is. Come on its freezin' out here!" With a gentle shove I pushed Mikey back towards the farmhouse and with one last look at the distant trees closed the door behind me.

* * *

**Leonardo**

I was starting to get cold, I could feel my muscles trembling a little as I sat here on this rock, my eyes closed again. Not that it made any difference anymore. But still I always found I could concentrate better when my eyes were closed, allowing my other senses to take over, to let my mind wander. To let my spirit be free. I let my mind wander to what Splinter had told me.

_All paths in life lead to the same place in the end? We can't have a spring without having a winter first? _

What was it he was trying to tell me exactly? All of Sensei's metaphors have meanings behind them, and the were usually used to help us see through something we would be struggling with at the moment. I was usually pretty quick to pick up on them, to see the meanings behind them. But this one had me a little stumped.

I understood what he meant about the drowning when I was actually floating. That was easy - no matter how hard this blindness thing was for me I could always trust in my family to never let me sink. And some paths are harder than others - well I might not be a brain like Donny but I could guess the meaning behind that one without even trying. But the other two? What were they supposed to mean?

I tried to think, tried to concentrate. I could feel my body trembling with the sting of the cold air now. I'd been sitting idly for too long and the temperatures had dropped more than I'd thought they would. But still I didn't move.

I knew where my path in life had started - that was easy. It had started off with my brothers. As we grew our paths had branched out as we developed different interests. Mikey's path was the fun loving one, the innocent one, the childish one. It was one I hoped he'd never leave. Even though the four of us are basically the same age, Mikey is clearly much younger in spirit. He keeps us on our toes, always guessing as to what he is going to do next. If we aren't prepared he'll catch us off guard. Sometimes his jokes went too far, but other times Donny and I at least, tried to keep a good sense of humor. Mikey got pounded enough by Raph.

Raph had taken a totally opposite direction from Mikey. He was the rebel, the loner, the fighter. Raph was never one to back down from a fight. He lived for it. He often went on patrols by himself. We never worried to much about him if he wasn't gone too long. If Raph got into trouble we all knew he could take care of himself. Raph trained almost as hard as I did, but he trained for different reasons. While I trained to become a master at ninjitsu, to have the knowledge that Master Splinter was trying to give us - Raph trained just to prep himself up for the next fight. If he didn't go on patrol he was always up for some sparring. Mikey and Donny usually tried to stay out of his way. Casey was always up for a good romp whenever the opportunity presented itself, and as we saw Casey on a regular basis, Raph was usually kept pretty happy. But Raph's hot temper often got him into trouble, and he had gotten carried away more times than I could count.

Donny's path was simple. He wasn't much of a fighter, he only did it when he had no other choice. Donny had always been the peace maker of the family - the engineer, the brains. We all knew he'd be much happier in his lab tinkering with new gadgets and building new things for us to use than to be on patrol. But he always came when we invited him. Donny was easy to please, and easy going for the most part. The only time I really saw him upset was when someone destroyed something he worked so long on to build. To Donny his inventions were a part of him and having one of us wreck them really got his dander up. He always fixed them in the end, but at times I often wondered if he thought it was worth it - knowing they'd be ruined again.

Me - I was the leader. I took control of every situation, putting my brothers into positions that would best work in a fight. Focusing on the task at hand while always watching my brothers' backs in case they needed me. Always being there if they did. I was the oldest, it was my responsibility. I was the serious turtle, as Mikey put it. I was always training, studying, meditating. I held the responsibility of my family on my shoulders. The weight sometimes heavy, but I knew someone had to carry it. Sometimes I let it go to far, punishing myself for things out of my control even when I gave it my all. Sometimes feeling as though my best wasn't good enough, and then wrapping myself up inside my own shell. I was a perfectionist, always wanting to be the best at what I tried to do. Never settling for not mastering something. But instead I'd work at it for hours, focusing on nothing else until I had it.

Together we made a team. Mikey was the energy behind us, Raph the muscle, Donny the brains, and I was the skill. But how could it be like that now? Things would never be the same as they were before! It wasn't possible!

It wasn't possible for my path to keep going the way it had - it had spiraled off into a foreign place, and now I was lost. I couldn't be a leader to my brothers anymore - not when I was so much of a liability to them. So how was it supposed to lead to the same place now? It didn't make sense.

And we wouldn't have spring without a winter first? Of course we wouldn't! Everyone knows that. But how the shell did that relate to anything?

I tried to think through my irritation. To give me an idea of why Sensei might have brought this up. He never said something like that without having a meaning behind it.

My brow furrowed and I felt a few sticky drops of perspiration trickle down the sides of my face, but I didn't bother wiping them away. I tried to remember something - _anything_ that would help me work it this out.

And then it hit me like a lightning bolt. A faint memory so distant that I'd almost forgotten it. We had been eight and Raph and I had just had another really big fight that had left me with a black eye and a nasty cut that had needed patching up. I'd heard Raph grumbling from the other room while Donny tended to his swollen knee and bloodied lip. I couldn't even remember what we had been fighting about now, but I had been so angry with him at the time that I'd been complaining to Splinter about him while Splinter saw to my injuries.

Splinter had listened quietly for a time, letting me vent some of my anger out but after a while he'd held up his hand to silence me and a dark knowing gleam in his eye had me wondering if I was about to receive extra training time on top of no TV for a week. I had waited, biting my lip in expectation but Splinter's eyes softened as he looked into mine and then he sat down beside me, not quite touching me, but close enough that if I had shifted my leg I would have felt his warm coarse fur.

I forgot how long we sat like that but after a while he'd turned and left to check on Raph to make sure Donny's first aid was adequate. Donny left the room and headed off to the room we all shared in the small cramped burrow that was our home. He had probably gone off to take apart the toaster again. I had started to leave, but then stopped when I overheard Raph's voice, softer than a whisper escape the room next door.

_Sometimes I'm just so angry - and other times I'm just fine. I don't know why I lost my temper like that, Master Splinter._

_Life has its ups and downs, Raphael. It is often like the changing seasons - feeling as warm and happy as summer some days and cold and frigid as winter others. Perhaps this is one of those days. _

Life is often like the changing seasons. Is that what Master Splinter was trying to tell me? That even though I'd have hard days, like the other day when Donny had said I wasn't strong enough to come out here, that good days would still follow?

I felt my breath catch in my chest as heat seemed to flood through me, realizing I had the answer at last. I couldn't let those harder days drag me down and tear me away from what could be good days if given the chance. I had let the last few days linger in winter because of my attitude and my anger instead of letting it go and enjoying the fact that we were out of the lair and I was free to do as I please around the farmhouse, within reason of course. That had to be it!

I opened my eyes slowly, the darkness not disappearing, and even though I heard my own disappointed sigh I stood up slowly and started to make my way off the boulder to go back to the house, back to my brothers, my family, back to where I belonged.

* * *

**Donatello**

"Shouldn't Leo have been back by now?" Mikey asked as we finished washing up the dinner dishes and put them away in the cupboards.

I felt my stomach clench uneasily, the last time Mikey had had this feeling Leo had been thrown through a bay window, so badly injured that we almost lost him. I placed the last cup in the cupboard with the others and wiped my hands on a dishcloth.

Raph was standing as close to the front door as he could without trying to look too conspicuous. Splinter was meditating on the living room rug, but his brow was wrinkled as though not entirely at peace. I was sure that they had both heard Mikey's worry but were trying hard not to show it.

"I'm sure he's fine, Mikey," I tried to reassure Mikey with a small smile, but Mikey didn't seem to buy it. His gaze traveled away from my face to the window over the sink and the starlit sky. He bit his lip as he put a bowl in the wrong cupboard and tossed his towel onto the counter before walking dejectedly out of the room. I watched him go then put the bowl in the right spot before putting the towel on the rack and walking out into the living room.

Raph's eyes broke from his vigil on the door for half a second but then returned, his eyes flickering with anger or worry I wasn't sure which. I sat down in one of the arm chairs and picked up the toaster I'd been working on earlier this afternoon. It had started to smoke this morning when Mikey had been cooking breakfast and even after April had cleaned it out it had been giving off the smell of burnt plastic. I tried to focus on it, but I was finding it difficult. I couldn't concentrate on anything but Leo. Until I knew Leo was back ok.

Splinter had told us not to go after him, that he would come home on his own when he was ready and he'd stuck with it even as the hours passed and the skies had darkened. Finally Splinter had gone out and we had all breathed a sigh of relief, which had quickly turned to confusion and worry when Splinter had come back not even an hour later, but Leo wasn't with him. At first I had thought that he hadn't been able to find him and I had started to get some essential supplies ready in case he wanted us to go out and look, but Splinter plainly said that Leo wasn't ready to come home yet and he would come when he was ready.

Raph hadn't been happy about that and had gone from staring out the window to keeping an eye on the door for any signs of Leo. There hadn't been any, and when April had called us to dinner Raph had left his post only reluctantly.

That was a couple hours ago, we had postponed doing the dinner dishes in case Leo showed up and was hungry, but after April and Casey went to bed we had to face the reality that Leo still might be a while. So Mikey and I had done the dishes so Raph could keep his post, we hadn't spoken much, hoping to hear Raph's announcement as soon as he saw Leo coming up the front lawn, but it never came.

I looked up from the toaster and was surprised to see Splinter's eyes were open, his face troubled. Raph was glaring out the door now, twirling his sais in his hands, the muscles in his shoulders bunched.

"Master Splinter?" I asked worriedly.

"I fear something is not right," Splinter said softly his eyes trailing up to where Raph had frozen, his sais clenched in his hands.

My stomach clenched and I was on my feet, the toaster already forgotten.

"Should we...?" I started but Splinter hadn't even shifted his head in the slightest before Raph was out the door and running for the trees.

"Raphie! Wait for us!" Mikey called after him, as we both ran out the door, not even bothering to close it behind us.

* * *

**Leonardo**

I couldn't walk, pain was throbbing with every nerve ending I had as I sat here on the hard ground, trying to assess without seeing just how bad the damage was. I ran my fingers along my throbbing ankle and hissed again as a white hot flare of pain shot up my leg and made my eyes water.

I patted immediate ground around me, trying to locate my walking stick, but realized when I could feel it that it had probably gone flying when I'd tripped over the uplifted tree root. Not that it would be much use to me now. I cursed myself for not being as careful as I should have been, for being too confident since I had had such ease finding the boulder earlier today, but finding my way back hadn't been as easy. I'd gotten turned around, and once I realized that I hadn't arrived back at the farmhouse in the time it had taken me to reach the boulder I had tried making my way back but hadn't made it more than fifteen feet before my foot had caught on an uplifted root and I'd gone sprawling.

I was pretty sure I'd at least sprained my ankle, I couldn't tell for sure whether I had broken it or not. I'd heard a distinct crack when I'd fallen and that had terrified me. I didn't fancy the idea of trying to get around the lair with a broken ankle. Donny would never let me leave the lair again. I tried gingerly to move my foot but the pain forced me to desist.

I reached for my belt, hoping my shell cell would be there, I rarely went anywhere without and and to my relief I found the familiar shape. My fingers shook a little as I fumbled to open it. The top half of the phone separated from the lower half as soon as I opened the catch and I growled in my frustration. So that was what had made the cracking sound when I fell. Donny was going to kill me.

At least it wasn't my ankle. That made me feel a little bit better. My only hope now was that Splinter or one of my brothers would come looking for me.

And that was when I heard it, a rustling of fabric and the distinct sound of someones footsteps on the forest floor somewhere over to my left. I froze. These footsteps were not the familiar ones I'd come to recognize as my family's or April and Casey. These were different. This was a stranger, and I was helpless to defend myself.


	10. Chapter 9: Misery Loves Company

**A/N: **Sorry it took me so long again guys - hope that this chapter was worth the wait. We were having problems with our internet for a while and life has been fairly busy, but not as stressful lately. Thank heavens for that. I'll update again as soon as I can. A special thank you for those who take the time to read and review, I'm glad to know that some people are still interested in this story and it makes it worth the time I put into this. See you again soon.

**Chapter 9: Misery Loves Company**

**Raphael**

I felt as if the world had stopped. From the minute Sensei's breathing had changed, the sharp inhale he'd taken, from the moment he had opened his eyes I knew something was wrong. Growing up with Master Splinter my brothers and I knew that Sensei had a better sense of the spiritual and physical planes than we did. So he was more in-tune with us than anyone normally would be when we were away. I'd overheard Donny talking to Leo one night after the Triceratons and Federation had invaded earth. Donny had gotten captured and had been taken to the prime leader's chambers for questioning as they searched for Professor Honeycutt. When Donny had refused to answer them they had resorted to other means of getting information, the Triceraton mind probe.

Donny told Leo it felt as if someone had been clawing into his head, the intrusion was so powerful it had brought him to his knees as he tried to fight against the machine. But as hard as he tried to resist the machine extracted memory after memory. In his desperation Donny did the only thing he could think of at the time. The one thing that we had always resorted to when we were younger, when we got into something that we couldn't get out of on our own. He called for Master Splinter. And then Donny said it was as if he was there with him. He'd felt and incredible power fill him, a comfortable presence, and suddenly he had the strength to resist the mind probe.

So when Splinter feared that something was wrong with Leo I had no doubt in my head that Splinter was absolutely right. He hadn't seemed worried about Leo being out there on his own until now. I just hoped that we would get there before something happened to him.

As I tore through the small shrubs I could hear the sounds of my brothers movements behind me, their harsh breathing, the sounds of small twigs snapping against their shells. We weren't worried about stealth tonight, it wasn't our mission. Our mission was to bring our brother home. And sure as shell that was what I intended to do.

"Raph, wait!" Donny called after I came to a small clearing, looking around wildly but seeing nothing except for a large boulder. Donny and Mikey caught up with me, both of them fighting to catch their breath while I looked around for any sign of Leo. The only thing I saw was what looked like disturbed plant life a couple hundred yards away from where we were currently standing.

Donny was frowning at something in his hand and pushed a few buttons but his frown only deepened. "That's strange," he muttered to himself. "I'm not getting any signal from his shell cell."

"But Leo always has his shell cell," Mikey said quickly as his eyes looked around wildly for some trace of Leo.

"But he could have turned it off," Donny said doubtfully, he looked up at and I could tell that he was just trying to put Mikey at ease. Neither of us believed that Leo had just turned off his shell cell. But what other explanation was there? Someone had taken it from him? Had it broken? Had he been taken? But no one knew we were up here except for us.

Fighting back my frustration I walked to the disturbed plant life and ran a hand over a few of the bent leafy twigs, and then at the soft soil they grew from. "Donny, come look at this."

Donny was instantly at my side, the ridges over his eyes narrowed a little as he studied the earth. "It has been disturbed recently," Donny said running his hand on the ground. "And look!" He pointed to a distinct circular hole in the ground, used by something not too big but obviously sturdy enough to support someone should they lean on it. And it was the perfect size for Leo's walking stick.

"Come on!" I growled through clenched teeth as I started down the new path, hoping that Leo hadn't gone too far.

"He must have gotten turned around - this way doesn't even lead back to the farmhouse," Donny called from behind me. I growled again this time with more anger behind it. If I had come after Leo when I had wanted to we wouldn't be out searching for him now.

I followed the trail as best I could, but it was hard to see anything in the soft soil because any little disturbance would cover up any tracks we could follow. As we got deeper into the trees I had to slow down, often times searching for another imprint of Leo's walking stick. After a while Leo seemed to have realized he was going in the wrong direction and had tried to turn himself around and then the trail suddenly stopped.

I searched for several minutes trying to find the next print, but all I could see was untouched plants and uplifted tree roots.

"Raph!"

I turned and looked at Donny who was holding something small in his hands. I walked back slowly not sure if I really wanted to know what he had. As I approached I recognized the shell shaped back of our shell cells and I felt my stomach tighten uncomfortably. Donny had two halves of the shell cell, the top had snapped off - clearly this one was Leo's. Donny pressed a button on the phone but nothing happened.

"Well he was definitely here," Donny said as he tucked the remains of the shell cell into his belt.

"Well he ain't here now - so let's keep lookin'," I spat as I looked around in the dense bush.

"I don't think he would have gotten very far, Raph," Mikey said quietly coming up behind me.

"How would you know?" I snapped impatiently.

Mikey's mouth twitch and his eyes watered up as he held out a long familiar looking walking stick. It was Leo's.

* * *

**Leonardo**

I was really starting to get cold now. Usually I had gone into the farmhouse by now and there was always a fire burning hot in the fireplace to chase away any chill I'd picked up on my way back from the barn. But today was different.

When I'd heard those footsteps approaching I'd only had one goal in mind. To get out of there, to not let anyone see me. So despite the pain that had been radiating through my leg, which had now traveled through my entire body I'd dragged myself as far as I could until I could no longer hear the footsteps. Now I was even more lost than I had been before, I could feel the blisters on my fingers where they'd dug into rough earth to help pull me along. A warm sticky substance was running down my arms, blood from when I'd dragged myself through some brambles and felt the branches dig into my skin. But they weren't serious enough to be worried over. No I was more worried about the temperature dropping, of my walking stick abandoned back where it had flown out of my hands back at that uplifted tree root, and my broken shell cell.

If my brothers did come out to look for me they wouldn't be able to find me. Not until morning anyway. It would be almost impossible to make out any sort of trail I had managed to make in the dark. I shivered a little and let my senses see my surrounds for me, keeping my eyes closed and trying to make a picture with just sounds, smell, and touch alone. I had to find something, anything, that could qualify as a sheltered area that I could wait in until morning. If I could just wait out the night then maybe I could would be able to start making my way back to the farmhouse in the morning.

* * *

**Raphael**

My hand fisted around the walking stick, my knuckles turning white from their tight grip on the polished wood. I had no doubt in my mind that this was Leo's. But holding it in my hand didn't give me a very good idea on what could've happened to him. From the stricken looks on my brothers faces I could tell that they were just as worried about Leo as I was. They continued to look at me, their eyes pleading, their faces drawn with fear and grief. I realized with a jolt that they were waiting for me to make the next move, to tell them what to do.

I had no idea.

That was Leo's department, Leo was always the one with a plan. He was always the one telling us what we should do next, where we should go, how we should do it. He'd always been able to break down our battle strategies and put us where our strengths would be more powerful than our weaknesses. We never questioned it, but did what he said and for the most part we were victorious. Of course we had our share of loses too - but they were minimal in comparison to our victories.

"We should get back to the farmhouse," Donny finally said quietly. At Mikey's whimper Donny put a hand on his shoulder and gently squeezed it. "Splinter will be worried, Mikey - we have to let him know."

"Right, Donny - but we're comin' back out here in the mornin'! We've gotta find him!" I growled I turned away from my brothers and started back to the farmhouse, both of them flanking me, none of us had anything to say.

I was too worried about what we were gonna tell Master Splinter, and more importantly I was more worried about what had happened to Leo. Where could he have gone without his walking stick? And why? Or had someone taken him? There weren't any signs of a struggle but that didn't say much - it could be Bishop. He was always good at hiding his tracks. The thought made my blood boil - if anyone had left even the slightest scrape in his shell I was personally going to deal with them.

I doubted whether any of us would get much sleep, we never slept well when one of us was missing. Instead we sat up all night worrying, not that it did us or our missing brother any good - but what else could we do? There was no sense in searching the woods at night. The trees were far too dense and there were hidden caves and trails all over the place. Casey didn't have many neighbors up here, but a few of them had farms that they still worked. I just hoped that Leo didn't accidentally stumble onto one if he had gotten turned around - or that he hadn't been taken to one if someone had caught him. It would take us forever to find him.

Our best shot of finding him would be to start off where we'd found his walking stick tonight and since it would be lighter out we might be able to spot a trail we hadn't noticed tonight. I just hoped Leo was still in one piece when we found him.

To my complete surprise the farmhouse loomed ahead of us quite suddenly, I hadn't even really paid attention to where I was going, being so lost in my worries for Leo. But it didn't surprise me to see the shadow standing on the porch waiting for us. I heard Mikey's breath still as he suppressed the fear and worry he was feeling.

"It's gonna be ok, Mikey," Donny whispered quietly. "We're gonna find him tomorrow."

"Even if it means tearing this whole back country apart to do it!" I agreed.

* * *

**Leonardo**

I could hear water dripping into a puddle somewhere, but I wasn't sure if it was outside, or inside the cave I had taken shelter in. I just hoped that this cave wasn't home to any of the local wildlife. In my current state I wouldn't be in any condition to even walk away from one. I ran my hand over my swollen ankle and suppressed a hiss as pain shot up my leg. Maybe I'd hurt it worse than I thought I had? Donny would have to take a look at it for me when I got back.

_If I get back._

I tried to shove that thought away - of course I would get back. My brothers would find me. They always did. I'm sure that they'd realize when I didn't come back soon that something wasn't right and they'd come looking for me. I'd just have to wait.

I laid back against the hard earth, breathing slowly and deeply, trying to ignore the queasiness of my stomach or the pain that seemed to come in waves. I found myself suddenly tired and fought against my heavy eyelids while my body continue to shiver. I found breathing suddenly difficult and had to focus on each breath.

In. Out.

In. Out.

I tried to keep it even but it felt as if I couldn't pull in enough air, each breath I took wasn't deep enough. My body shivered again and I curled up to try and keep myself as warm as I could. I felt my eyes closing without my permission and I didn't bother to fight them, it felt too good to keep them closed. On some level I knew I should be worried about these symptoms, but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to care about it. Sleep was a welcome reprieve at this point and I was more than willing to let myself drift.

"So you're just givin' up?"

The voice was so unexpected that my eyes flew open on shock, though it did me no good. But I knew that voice - I'd recognize it anywhere.

"Raph?"

He didn't come over to me, I couldn't hear the sound of any movements, just the steady dripping of the water into the nearby puddle. I blinked my eyes several times as if willing the blackness to recede by sheer force of will. Of course nothing happened, but I could easily picture my brother, leaning against the mouth of the cave, one leg crossed over the other, his hands on the handles of his sais.

"You just gonna lay there, fearless leader?" Raph's voice droned, unemotional, almost empty. It didn't sound like Raph - more like a shell of him. I frowned.

"My leg hurts," I tried, willing Raph to see that I wasn't staying here because I wanted to. I wanted to get back to the farmhouse - back to all of them.

"So you are gonna give up? Just wait for somethin' to come and eatcha?"

This wasn't right, it wasn't like Raph to just stand there and watch me like he was. Normally he would have been over here, helping me up, supporting me while we tried to get back to the farmhouse. And then it struck me. This wasn't Raph. Not the real Raph anyway. Raph wasn't here - I was still alone. In my desperation to see my brothers my mind had conjured them up for me.

"Come on, Leo - get up," Raph's voice growled inside my head.

I squeezed my eyes shut again, willing Raph to just go away. I didn't want to hear this. Hear how I'd let them down, how I'd almost gotten myself seen by someone. How I'd lost my cane, and how I had no idea where I was.

"Get up, Leo! Use the pain! You've done it before! You can't stay here! Get up!" Raph's voice didn't sound so angry now, instead it sounded a little desperate. I felt my eyes open again, surprised as Raph's tone took on a different pitch and the changed completely.

"Leo, please - get up!"

"Mikey?"

"Leo, we can't stay here. What if they come back? What if they look in here? They could get us! We need to get back! We need to find the others!"

I tried to roll by pain shot up my side and I cried out against the pain, gripping my thigh in an useless attempt to stem it.

"Leo?" Mikey's voice shrieked, the sound echoing around in my head.

"I can't do it, Mikey - I can't," I whispered to the dirt, ignoring the gritty feeling in my mouth as I inhaled the earth.

"Should I get Donny, Leo?"

I shook my head, not wanting Mikey to leave me here alone. I couldn't stand to be alone again.

"No, Mikey - stay. Stay here with me."

"Sure, Leo. Don't worry I won't go anywhere. Just take it easy, bro."

I nodded as I felt myself start to drift again. I suddenly felt very heavy, I could hear Mikey talking again but I couldn't make out what he was saying. I was too far gone. I smiled as I felt his warmth envelop me and gave into the darkness that had been trying to take me.

* * *

**Donatello**

We set out just after dawn, all of us moving as fast as our legs would carry us, each of us fearing the worst when Leo hadn't returned all night. None of us had gotten a wink of sleep. Raph had been more than ready to go out and keep looking but Splinter had stopped him. I was just as worried about Leo as Raph was but I knew it wouldn't do us any good trying to look for him when the trail we had found last night hadn't given us much to go on. It'd be better in the day time when we could actually look for any signs of him.

Raph led the way, his step fast and furious, his muscles tense and bunched, but still fluid as he moved. His red mask tails flew behind him, a streak of red for Mikey and I to follow. Mikey was close behind Raph, even though he'd easily be able to out race him he let Raph take the lead, his usually energetic and graceful movements a bit clumsy in his worry for our oldest brother. I was at the rear, burdened with the bag of supplies I'd packed last night just in case. I had everything from tools to cut chains and ropes to medical supplies, not at all sure where we would find Leo or what kind of condition he would be in when we did.

Raph didn't stop until we came to the place we'd found the remains of Leo's shell cell the night before. We all slowed down and stopped in unison and looked around the small clearing. There really wasn't much to go on, just a few bent twigs here and there and some churned earth made by hikers or wildlife. Raph's sharp eyes darted around the area as he searched, his jaw tight, a muscle along his jaw line twitched in his frustration. I knew that he was trying hard to hide how worried he was for Mikey's sake, but from the desperate look on Mikey's face I could tell he wasn't fooled by Raph's bravado.

I examined the ground near the uplifted root while Raph stalked off in the direction that Mikey had found Leo's walking stick. I ran my hand over the smooth ground, feeling my eyes narrow marginally as I noticed that the earth here was a bit flatter, more smooth, not as disturbed as the rest of the dirt looked. Almost as if someone had fallen here. My eyes scanned the area thoroughly, double checking. And sure enough there was a difference here in comparison to the earth on the opposite side of the small clearing.

"Raph!"

Raph was by my side in an instant, his face drawn. "What is it, Donny?"

"Look at this - it looks as if something very heavy fell here," I pointed at the uplifted root. "If Leo tripped over that..."

Raph was already two steps ahead of me, his eyes trailing the smooth dirt to a patch of shrubbery just off to the side of the clearing. He walked swiftly over to it and crouched down, fingering a few of the small branches for a minute before lifting his eyes and scanning through the trees.

"Something went this way - let's check it out!"

Mikey and I followed Raph without question, darting quickly through the trees as we followed the smooth earth and occasionally bent twig.

_We're coming, Leo. Just hang in there bro._


	11. Chapter 10: Sticks, Stones and Broken

**A/N: Hey guys - I'm not too sure I'm super thrilled with this chapter but after rewriting it several times I decided to just stick with it this time. I hope it was worth the wait and thank you for all of those who took the time to review. They really help keep me going and I'm so glad you guys have continued to enjoy this story. I'll try and update again soon. **

* * *

**Chapter 10: Sticks, Stones, and Broken Bones**

**Leonardo**

How was it possible to be so cold and to be so hot at the same time? How could I feel so heavy but feel as if I were flying? How was that even possible? The two contradicted themselves. There was a tightness in my gut that made me keep my mouth shut, despite the fact that I felt like I was suffocating. But I feared if I opened my mouth that I would suffocate because I didn't even have the energy to turn my head to be sick.

I could still feel the warmth that was Mikey with me, but it was different. It was too hot! I tried to turn away from the heat, trying to get away. I couldn't move! I was pinned down. Something was holding me down, forcing me not to move.

_"Hurry up, Donny - he's comin' around."_

_"I just have to set this then we can get him back to the farmhouse - I can do more for him there."_

_"Jeez, he's freezing, Donny."_

_"He's gone into shock. Mikey, bring my bag over we have to elevate his legs - and get out the blanket."_

_"Donny, his ankle!"_

_"Mikey - Donny is doing what he can. Just stay out of the way."_

_"But it's the size of a water balloon!"_

The voices confused me and I struggled weakly against the hands pinning me down. Something was placed over my chest and I tried to push it off. I was too hot as it was. I didn't need anything else on me. And then I felt a very unpleasant movement in my leg. Someone was pulling on me. Hurting me! I had to get them off! Had to make them stop.

_"Leo, bro, stop fightin' us!"_

A soft groan sounded in my ears and to my surprise I found that it was my own. With that discovery I found I was able to stop but the pain didn't disappear. If anything it increased to the point where it felt like someone was cutting off my foot with a butter knife. White hot pain was shooting through my entire body. I tried to buck against the hands that were pinning me but my body felt too weak, too exhausted to do what I wanted it to do.

But I could feel the pressure of the hands on my arms and shoulders increase slightly and someone was saying something that I couldn't make out. A loud roaring had filled my ears, pounding so loud that it was all I could make out. My stomach churned as something shifted in my leg and the white hot pain flashed through my gut once more. I knew I wasn't going to be able to stop myself from being sick this time. My stomach heaved violently. Hands, softer than I expected quickly turned me as I retched, someone was talking softly and a hand rubbed against the back of my neck, the motion soothing and familiar. I heaved again only this time it produced nothing. My stomach refused to settle and I continued to dry heave for what seemed like hours before I was finally able to gasp in deep desperate breaths. My body felt heavy with my exhaustion and I felt stiff with all the dried blood from the many scratches I'd aquired as I'd sought out a safe place to stay during the night. I didn't protest as I was rolled back onto my shell, feeling too weak to fight the hands that once again were working over me.

_"Ok, that's the best I can do here. Let's get him back. Easy though, Raph."_

_"I got him."_

Hands were suddenly under my neck and knees and I was lifted into the air. I tried to suppress a gasp as pain shot through my wounded leg, making my stomach twist uncomfortably again.

_"Easy, easy."_

_"I'm tryin' to, Donny."_ Someone was holding me, supporting my weight as if I didn't weigh nearly two hundred pounds. I felt my cheek resting against familiar textured skin, and recognized the slightly tangy scent that was all Raph. And then I could tell we were moving, the movement of his muscles were fluid, his breathing even. I could feel the slight pulse under his skin as his heart beat a tad faster than normal.

_"Raph, if you start getting tired..."_

_"I said I got him!"_

_"Ok try not to shake him up too much I don't want to have to reset that bone again."_

_"Don't worry, Donny."_

_"Come on guys, we gotta get back to Splinter."_

I found myself drifting again as my brother moved and soon the darkness once again took me.

* * *

"He's gotta slight fever, Donny."

I felt someone's cool hand on my forehead and frowned a little, trying to squirm away from their touch. I didn't know where I was or how I'd gotten here but I got the sensation I'd been unconcious for a while.

"Leo?"

I recognized that voice! I'd know it anywhere. I tried to answer back but my throat felt as if I'd swallowed a big clump of dirt, making it impossible for me to swallow, let alone try to speak. My eyes felt gritty as I tried to pull them apart, trying to pull myself away from the darkness that had consumed me. But my eyelids refused to respond. My body had betrayed me, was keeping me trapped inside my own head.

And then I felt his hand in mine, his fingers gently squeezing my own. I felt my own fingers close around his, communicating in the only way I could.

"Probably just a result of the trauma, a body can only take so much abuse before it starts to shut down."

Gentle hands were prodding me now, feeling my arms, which felt stiff with the bandages wrapped around them and then my plastron, going down to my legs. I squirmed a little when I felt him gently checking my injured ankle, not wanting anything else to touch the injured limb.

Raph's fingers tightened around mine as an involuntary gasp escaped my lips when the hands brushed my ankle.

"Well, it's healing well at least," Donny sounded relieved and worried at the same time. I heard the slightest sound of his feet on the floor as he moved, coming closer to my head and then his hand was once again just above my eyes, his skin still cooler than my own. "We'd better put on that extra blanket though, just in case it gets worse during the night."

Raph squeezed my hand once and tried to release me but my fingers tightened around his. I didn't want to let go in fear that this was a dream, that I'd once again be alone on that cold hard earth inside the cave. I didn't want to be alone, I needed my brothers with me.

I heard Raph chuckle softly. "Guess I'm not goin' no where for a while."

"Well at least he is finally coming around," Donny muttered quietly as his hand was once again removed from my head. A minute later I felt something settle ontop of the blanket that was already covering my body.

"You going to sleep here tonight, Raph?"

"Unless the turtle vice lets go I doubt I'll be goin' anywhere," Raph said lightly. My fingers tightened around his and he squeezed my hand back reassuringly.

"You need anything?"

"Nah, I'm good. Get some sleep, Donny."

"Night, Raph."

"Night, bro."

Donny's footsteps faded away and the only thing to fill the void he'd left behind were the sounds of our combined breathing. I felt myself drifting again as I listened to Raph's steady breathing.

In. Out.  
In. Out.  
In. Out...

* * *

**Raphael**

"You need anything?" Donny asked as he paused in the doorway, looking back at me.

I looked over at him and frowned at the dark circles under his eyes, his slightly slumped position, the way his legs seemed to tremble under him, as if ready to give out at any moment. Donny was clearly exhausted. Not that I could blame him. It had been a long forty-eight hours for all of us once we got Leo back to the farmhouse. Donny had been working over our brother almost non-stop with only a few cups of coffee being the one thing to keep him going.

We had all offered to take turns sitting with Leo, which Donny had gladly accepted, but even when one of us was on duty Donny was never far away. Checking Leo's broken ankle, or the numerous scratches that covered his arms, making sure infection hadn't set in. One nasty scratch in particular had given Donny a hard time that first night, infection had already started to set in and we had all done what Donny asked us to do to help bring down Leo's fever. None of us had gotten much sleep that night, and Donny hadn't gotten any.

I had come in after a few hours of restless tossing and turning to see Donny leaning over our brother, his expression tense and an empty coffee mug sitting on the night stand close by. Upon seeing me Donny took a breather, sitting down in the soft chair April and Casey had brought in for him. He'd slept a whole twenty minutes before he woke with a start and hurried back to our injured brother, as if determined to see that he was still on the mend for himself.

I blinked, bringing myself back to the present. "Nah, I'm good. Get some sleep, Donny." More than twenty minutes this time I thought quietly to myself.

From the exhausted slump in his shoulders I doubted whether Donny really had a choice. He would keel over soon if he didn't get some good sleep and that wouldn't do him or Leo any good.

"Night, Raph," Donny said turning away and leaving the room, heading for the attic where we had all been staying.

"Night, bro," I called after him then turned back to Leo.

He was lying just as still as he had been for the past two days. His mask was gone, as were his belt, elbow, wrist, and knee pads. He looked completely vulnerable being so stripped of the equipment we normally never removed. But Donny had needed to check for any hidden wounds, and had insisted that Leo would be more comfortable if he didn't have all that stuff on.

It had been scary finding Leo in that cave, he'd been covered in mud and dirt and dried blood. His ankle had twisted to a funny position and he didn't even flinch when Mikey had shrieked his name.

Donny had fallen on him in an instant and immediately found a pulse. A little rapid, but it was steady. He'd then begun searching our brother for wounds, trying to find where the blood was coming from.

Just minor cuts and scratches - probably from dragging himself all over the place.

Donny's diagnosis had been so sure that Mikey and I didn't doubt it. Donny went about cleaning up the wounds, but frowned when he got to one scratch, then prodded it gently with his fingers. Fresh blood began to flow and a pained hiss had escaped Leo's lips.

Infection.

The infection hadn't been too serious and in the end Donny had managed to beat it. His biggest concern was the break in Leo's ankle. I had to hand it to my brother - lost in the middle of no where and without even his eyes to see where he was going he managed to drag himself, broken ankle and all, to the closest sheltered area he could find to escape the cold elements. Donny said Leo would've gone into shock a lot faster if he hadn't and we might not have gotten there in time.

That thought still made me sick to my stomach. If we had gotten there only a few hours later...

Leo's fingers squeezed a little tighter around mine. I squeezed his back reassuringly as his grip relaxed a little. From the way his breath was deepening and evening out I knew it wouldn't be long before he was asleep again. Not that I was sure that he'd been truly conscious. He hadn't said anything, or even opened his eyes. His fingers had just tightened ever so slightly around mine. But I had held onto that connection, trying to send my brother as much support and strength through that touch as I could.

I knew that he was aware on some level that we were at least here, and with his simple grip on my fingers he was telling me more than his exhausted and beaten body could.

Splinter had been nearby too, quiet as a shadow, staying out of Donny's way while he bustled around, setting things up to make Leo as comfortable as possible. But I could still remember that haunted look on Splinter's face when we'd hurried up the front steps, Leo still cradled against my plastron.

After assuring him that Leo would be fine Donny and I had hurried to the back bedroom April had set up for us and had gotten to work on cleaning Leo up.

Donny wanted to get back to the lair once Leo started feeling a bit better. He had better equipment to help there, I hadn't missed the worried expression he'd had on his face after he'd set Leo's ankle. He'd splinted it as best he could, but he muttered something about 'bush league' under his breath.

With Leo's condition a bit more stable now we probably could have headed back, but Donny seemed insistent to wait until Leo fully regained consciousness before attempting to move him again.

Leo's hand went limp in mine as I sat there, I watched his plastron rise and fall gently with his deep breathing. I didn't remove my hand from his, needing that connection just as much as Leo would when he awoke again. And when he did he'd know that I would be there for him.

* * *

By the next afternoon Leo's fever had broken and he was awake and aware. Donny explained to him that he'd broken his ankle in his fall and that we should get back to the lair where Donny was more equipped to deal with such injuries. I could tell from the look on Leo's face that this idea didn't sit well with him at all, but he didn't say anything.

I knew why Leo wasn't eager to get back to the lair, even though his broken ankle had to be hurting him. Leo had had much more freedom here than he'd had back at the lair since his sight was taken from him. Up here he'd been allowed to roam around on his own, to have the space he'd been so desperately craving but had never been able to obtain back home. And to have to leave so soon must have been more of a blow than then news of his broken ankle.

I could tell from the look of surprise on Leo's face that he hadn't known it was broken, Donny figured it wasn't a bad break and it had been a fairly clean break as far as breaks go - but he still wanted to take a few x-rays to be sure. I had to hand it to Donny, he could make just about anything with the right parts once he put his mind to it. After several of our injuries throughout the years had built up Donny had taken it upon himself to start studying basic medicine and first aid, doing several tests to see how we would react with our mutant DNA. It had taken him a long time but in the end his efforts had been worth it. Donny could do just about anything from setting a broken bone to cleaning out an infected wound. We'd all had our chances of being the guinea pigs while Donny learned how to do certain things. I had unfortunately been on the first receiving end of Donny's attempt at stitches. It hadn't been pleasant and I still had the ragged scar on my arm, but Donny's work had improved with practice and now he had perfected it.

"Hey, Donny," Mikey called as he came back inside after loading out another armful of stuff we'd brought out with us.

"Yeah, Mikey?" Donny asked somewhat distracted as he tried to figure out the best way to get Leo out to the battle shell without further injuring his ankle.

Mikey's chest heaved with the exertion of moving most of the stuff out by himself. Leo was dozing thanks to the pain pills Donny and I were gathering up the last few things we'd need before taking Leo outside.

"How is Leo gonna get around the lair now? I mean he can't really use crutches cause he can't see where he's going."

"Why don't you talk a bit louder, Mikey?" I snapped. "I don't think Leo heard ya."

Mikey's face darkened in his embarrassment, realizing how insensitive he had sounded. "What I meant was - how are we gonna help him get around. He's gonna wanna do it on his own."

"I know, Mikey," Donny sighed quietly as he handed Mikey a heavy duffel bag. Mikey shouldered it, wincing a little as the strap dug into the soft skin on his shoulder. "I'm going to have to whip up some kind of mobile chair for him. I'm not sure how bad the break is so until I do I can't determine how long Leo will have to stay off of it."

"A mobile chair? Like a wheel chair?" Mikey asked his face puckering a little.

I flinched, knowing how Leo would react if he realized he was going to have to be in a wheel chair for the next several weeks. I knew this would be a set back from all the progress he's made - what little indendance he'd managed to gain would be stripped away from him once again. Not only would he be totally dependant on the chair but I was sure that Donny would be keeping a much closer eye on him from now on.

"Something like that," Donny answered absent-mindedly as he turned to look at me. "You ready to help me move him?"

I nodded and walked down the hall with Donny on my heels. Leo blinked at us when we entered the room, I was surprised to see him awake again so soon. I shifted uncomfortably with those blank eyes staring right through me - this would've been so much easier if he'd stayed unconscious.

"Hey, Leo," Donny said gently, hurrying over to the side of the bed and placing a hand on Leo's arm. "You ready to move?"

"How am I supposed to...?" Leo's question trailed off. I could see the color in his face change a little.

"Raph and I are going to have to help. You can't put any weight on that leg," Donny said quietly as he wrapped an arm around Leo's shell, gripped his hand with his free hand and helped Leo to sit up. Knowing where I was needed I joined them, giving Leo a little extra support. I felt Leo lean on me, giving me more of his weight than I knew he would give Mikey. I gladly bore it, feeling the muscles along my back and shoulders tense a little at the extra weight, then settle again as I adjusted to it.

Our progress outside was slow, Leo seemed hesitant about every step he took with his one good leg. Not that I could blame him I couldn't even imagine what it would be like to be blind and unable to walk properly. Totally dependant on the ones who supported you.

Donny hurried ahead to the battle shell, his face drawn with worry as he watched Leo with a scrutinizing gaze, his eyes focused on Leo's legs, making sure Leo didn't put any weight on his ankle.

Leo's breathing was ragged and uneven, even though I could tell he was trying to keep it steady. He didn't want us to know what a strain this was for him, but the beads of sweat running into his mask gave him away. I clenched my jaw, tightened my hold on him and kept my mind focused on our goal. The battle shell wasn't too far ahead of us, but at the pace we were going and the obvious strain it was putting Leo through it might as well have been a mile away.

"Almost there, Leo," I encouraged as the battle shell got closer. Leo nodded once and clamped his jaw shut, breathing harshly through his nose. I glanced over Leo's back to Mikey, surprised that he was looking back at me, his face worried. I was sure mine didn't look much different.

"Here we go, Leo," Donny said hurrying up to us and helping us cross the last few feet. Then with a little help from the three of us Leo was in the battle shell. He was completely wiped out - and it showed. His face was lined with pain, his eyes closed, his mask soaked with sweat, his muscles shook from the strain. He held his injured leg out, away from the other, and had his hands balled into fists so we wouldn't see them shake.

"Lets go," Donny snapped as he hurried around to the driver's seat.

"Go ahead and sit up front, Mikey. I'll sit in the back."

"You sure, Raph?" Mikey blinked at me, his expression still worried. I knew he wanted to stay close to Leo, but from the looks of it Leo would probably sleep through most of the trip. Hopefully he would anyway.

"Yeah - I'm sure," I reassured him. I wanted to keep an eye on our brother and I couldn't do that as well from the front. Splinter nodded at me from where he was sitting, his face somber as he looked at Leo's exhausted slumped position.

"Guys - come on!" Donny was getting irritated.

Mikey was in the front seat before Donny had finished talking. With a quick wave to April and Casey, who were standing on the porch to see us off and who had promised they'd be back in New York in a few days. I got into the seat next to Leo's and shut the door, a little piece of me worried about the next few months. I had a feeling that a blind and confined to a wheelchair Leo was not going to be a pleasant thing to live with.

But as Donny started up the battle shell, and we started down the drive and back towards the city I couldn't keep my eyes off Leo's still form. Even knowing that Leo would be especially cranky for the next few days, how he would grumble when Donny fixed up something mobile for him to get around the lair in, how distant and cold he would be because some of his independence had been stolen from him again - I knew there was one thing I couldn't let him do. I couldn't let him push me away. He needed me just as much as he needed the others, and even though he would be too proud to admit it and that he would do everything he could to push my buttons in an attempt to make me angry and fight back - I couldn't rise to it.

I'd be there for him no matter what it was, but I wasn't going to hover over him either. No Leo deserved better than that. We'd help him adjust at first and then let him alone - it was what Leo would want and prefer, so I was determined to give it to him.


	12. Chapter 11: Broken Wings

**A/N: I was going to wait until later on this weekend to post this, but since I'm already on here I thought I'd just go ahead and do it now. I have no idea how busy my weekend is going to be and I don't want to make you guys wait too long between updates now that I feel like I'm really getting into my groove. So surprise early update for you guys. I'll work on the next chapter and try to have it up next week sometime. Thank you once again for all of those who have taken the time to leave reviews, or PM's. I've really appreciated the feedback and it has given me the inspiration I needed to this next chapter written so quickly. I really appreciate the feedback, it means a lot. Enjoy this next chapter, it's a bit longer for you this time. :) **

* * *

**Chapter 11: Broken Wings**

**Leonardo**

_Three Months Later..._

I tried not to make any noise as Donny rotated my recently injured ankle first one way then another. An x-ray had already given Donny the proof he needed that the bone had indeed healed, but he was still worried about any tenderness I might have in the joint.

The past few months had been really hard on all of us, and I knew I hadn't made it an easier for my brothers as they tried to help me get around the lair, now blind and literally stuck in a wheelchair until I got Donny's ok. It had been infuriating at first. I'd been put to bed to rest until Donny could whip something up and that had taken him almost three days. He'd wanted to make sure that the chair would be stable enough to get me around and not buckle under my weight - but also make it comfortable for me since he knew I'd be confined to it for several months. I still wasn't pleased with it when Raph had to carry me downstairs and deposit me into it. It had felt like a cage. I'd been trapped in the stupid thing, unable to see, unable to walk, forced into this confining contraption or stuck in bed. Neither option had been pleasant and both had taken away what little independence I had managed to gain. I felt like I was back at square one, totally dependent on my brothers, unable to do anything for myself. Except this time it was worse, this time I was in a chair and couldn't feel my way around, couldn't tell where I was unless I went by sound alone.

Donny and Mikey had been very overbearing, smothering me, making me feel like the invalid I was. They hovered so much I wasn't sure if they were actually my brothers or helicopters. I'd tried to release my frustration, but knew that neither of them would rise to the bait. So I'd gone for Raph, knowing that I could easily get his dander up. But to my utter astonishment, Raph hadn't taken the bait either, instead he'd either tell my brothers to back off or he'd go into the dojo and start punching his bag, whatever seemed to fit his mood. There had been a couple times I could tell I had gotten under his skin. His breathing would increase, and I could feel the shift in the air as Raph's body language changed. It was funny how I'd never noticed that before I was blind. But instead of coming at me, or yelling back he'd just storm off upstairs and blast his music so loud that I could barely hear myself think.

At first I had been confused on why Raph was acting like this, why he kept his distance from me a lot of the time. He never hovered like Mikey or Donny did, but rather just helped me when I needed help. I'd wondered if I had mad him angry in some way, not sure why he wasn't being as overbearing as my other two brothers. I'd talked to Master Splinter about it, wondering if Raph perhaps had talked to him about what was bothering him. But Master Splinter had said Raph had never told him anything, or given him reason to think that he was mad at me. I pondered over this, and meditated on it, trying to put myself in Raph's position, trying to see the situation we were all in through his eyes.

And then I realized what it was he was doing. He was giving me space, freedom, independence. He knew how confined I felt in my wheelchair, how smothered I felt by my other brothers, how weary I was of the constant attention. He knew that my broken ankle had made it impossible for me to have total freedom and independence as I couldn't get around the lair that well, but he was willing to give me as much as he could. After that my attitude had changed. I still got irritated when my brothers hovered over me, or insisted that they help me do something. But with Raph there for my back up I felt like I could get through anything.

A twinge in my ankle brought me back to the present, I suppressed a hiss and hoped my face was just as blank as it was before. I didn't want to give Donny any reason not to let me start walking around again. He'd told me that because I had had to stay off of it for so long that it was bound to be tender at first. He said it would take a few days for my leg to adjust to carrying around my weight again, but then it should be just fine. I could tell he was still worried about the break though. With it being the ankle that was broken it was sometimes hard to tell if it had healed all the way - or correctly. Sometimes when an ankles was broken it could be injured more easily in the future, or even have more lasting consequences depending on the break. He'd told me that the break had been clean, and as far as breaks had gone I'd been lucky. He said the Tibia had fractured, but it wasn't a bad break as breaks go. He was worried though about what kind of lasting effects it could have, explaining to me that the Tibia is the larger and strongest of the two bones below the knee, and is responsible for carrying 90% of the weight in the lower leg. But he was optimistic that with the break being as minor as it was that there wouldn't be any last effects.

"How's it feel, Leo?" Donny asked as he gently set my foot back down onto the table where I was currently stretched out.

I gritted my teeth, debating on whether or not to lie about it. I knew Donny was still expecting some tenderness, so I had braced myself for it, but I hadn't expected a simple thing like twisting my foot around to be that painful. It wasn't as bad as it was when I had broken it, but it wasn't a pleasant sensation either. It felt like several pins kept poking me, their sharp little tips digging into my nerve endings and sending pain signals up to my brain.

"Leo?" Donny asked, his voice laced with concern when I failed to answer.

"It's a little sore," I confessed, knowing that if I lied I was bound to be caught. I doubted right now I was bound to be limping for a few days before the pain went away. Donny would except that if I told him it hurt a bit, but he wouldn't if I told him I was fine.

Donny clicked his tongue and murmured to himself, as if expecting as much. I waited, assuming the examination was over, for Donny's verdict. If he still felt it was too early for me to be up and walking around I'd be confined to my wheelchair for another week. The thought of it made me scowl.

Then to my utter surprise Donny picked up my foot again, holding it with one hand while his other pressed against the bottom, adding pressure deliberately to the heel. I winced as pain flared up my leg, but to my surprise it was more tolerable than I had expected. Instead of the white hot pain that I had experienced a few months ago, this was more like a dull ache, something, even though it wasn't comfortable, could be overcome, ignored even.

Donny released me after a minute, setting my foot back down on the table. I heard him walk away from me for a minute and then his soft sounds of his feet padding across the floor came back, coming to a stop closer to my head than to my feet. I supposed I shouldn't have been surprised by the hand the was suddenly on my shell, but I jumped anyway, not expecting the physical contact.

Donny gently wound his arm under my shell and helped me to sit up, swinging my legs over the table so the dangled off the side. I felt a little dizzy as I tried adjusted to the change, shaking my head a little to clear it. I was distracted, and didn't notice at first when Donny pushed the walking stick into my right hand.

"I know you don't like using this, Leo," Donny said softly but firmly, halting my protest before I could even think of one. I could tell from his tone that I was to either use the walking stick until Donny was sure I could get around the lair without it, or I'd find myself strapped into my chair with no hopes of bail until Donny was completely satisfied that I wouldn't do something stupid to further injure myself.

My jaw clenched together as I fisted my hand around the familiar polished wood. It wasn't as bad as the chair, I had to admit that - if only to myself. But still it made me feel like and invalid, someone who had to depend on something so completely, as if I couldn't get around on my own. I wanted to protest, tell Donny that I had gotten familiar enough with our home before we'd gone out to the farmhouse that I didn't need to use the walking stick anymore. It didn't matter that I couldn't see. But I knew there was no point. In some ways Donny could be just as stubborn as Raph or I were. In was infuriating.

"You are going to have to use the walking stick for a least a week, Leo. Just take it easy - nothing major for a few weeks. Then if everything looks ok you can start your training with Sensei again." Donny's voice stayed steady and calm, it made my head pound to listen to him. I wanted to yell at someone, I'd finally been freed from that metal prison I'd been confined to for the past few months only to be dependent on something else, and I knew Donny would be watching me very closely over the next week, watching for any signs of weakness, any signs that made him think I wasn't ready for this.

"Leo?" Donny's voice sounded a bit worried now, almost concerned.

I sighed, nodded once to show that I understood his conditions before proceeding to get off the table. Once again Donny's strong arms assisted me, preventing me from landing too hard, but that didn't stop the hiss of pain that escaped my lips even though I had tried to suppress it. I could feel my legs shaking underneath my weight and I frowned. It felt like I was one of those stick figures Mikey made out of play dough when we were kids. He'd always make them try to stand upright, but their legs weren't strong enough to support them and they'd always fall over. My legs felt very weak indeed, but I was determined to do this. I ground my teeth together and took a hesitant step forward.

My knee buckled and I gripped my cane, determined not to fall in front of Donny. My ankle throbbed a little and I growled under my breath as I took another step. I could feel Donny's concerned eyes burning a hole in my shell, could almost hear the words I was sure were going around in his head, telling him that this was a bad idea. That it was too soon. I wasn't going to pay him any attention, I wasn't going back in that wheelchair! I'd drag myself out if I had to!

I made my way slowly across the lair, ignoring Mikey when he called my name, determined to get away from them, to have some time alone for the first time in months. To just be left alone.

The stairs terrified me, and I wasn't sure I was ready to face them just yet, so I settled for the next best thing. The dojo. I could hear Raphael's music blasting upstairs so I knew he wouldn't be in there working his punching bag, and I could smell the scent of Sensei's tea, so I'd be left in peace to do whatever I wanted. At least for a little while.

From behind me I could hear Donny leaving his lab as well, I could still feel his burning gaze on my back. I ignored him and kept walking.

"Hey, Donny, check this out! I've just reached level 25 and this alien is so wicked! You wanna play with me?"

"Uh - sure, Mikey," Donny said with little conviction. I knew he was worried about me. But it was then I'd reached the dojo and I stepped inside, closing the door behind me.

I ran the fingers of my free hand along the dojo wall, letting it guide me as I made my way to the back corner, trying to ignore my shaky limbs. When I finally hit the back wall I stumbled and my legs gave out beneath me. I fell, but luckily I wasn't greeted with more pain. The mats in here were soft enough to cushion my fall. I sat back, my shell resting against the wall and closed my eyes trying to steady my breathing.

It had been a long time since I'd tried to meditate, it was too distracting when two younger brothers were constantly hanging around, distracting me with questions. But now I could let myself go, once again fade off into the serenity and peace that mediation brought me.

I breathed in deeply, my lungs expanding to their full capacity, then let it out slowly letting my mind go blank. For a moment I forgot all about the pain and humiliation I'd endured for the past few months. Of having my brothers helping me with everything. Of not being able to do anything for myself. Of feeling like a complete failure.

If I hadn't gone out on my own that day, if I hadn't stayed out so late. If I'd gone back with Splinter than none of this would've happened. I wouldn't have gotten turned around, I wouldn't have tripped, I wouldn't have been confined to that chair for so long!

My jaw clenched as the anger rose in me again, erasing any peaceful feelings the meditation session had formed. All I could feel within me now was that blistering anger and humiliation, those feelings of being totally helpless and dependent on my brothers in ways I'd never had to be before.

But was it really them I was mad at? Or was it myself?

I hunched forward, holding my head in my hands as I tried to control myself, but failed. And then it felt as if I'd disconnected from myself because I was watching the scene through another's eyes, from above, and saw someone I didn't know. I couldn't recognize myself anymore, it didn't feel like me. I was supposed to be the strong one, the leader, the big brother that my brothers could depend on.

But I knew it wasn't like that anymore. They couldn't depend on me for anything. I was incapable of protecting them in my current state. Nothing would ever change that. The trip up to the farmhouse just proved it. My mind wandered back to that fateful night, the night that had started out so innocently. Just a night out in the city with my brothers. Yes, it had started off innocently enough, but then it had been painted with red. Whoever it was that had stolen my sight that night had taken more with them then they had expected. Yes, they'd stolen my sight, but with it they'd taken my leadership, my ability to defend myself and my brothers, and my life.

* * *

"Leo?"

I felt my body stiffen in response to the gruff voice calling my name. Raph hadn't been the first brother to seek me out in here, Mikey had tried to get me to come to dinner almost an hour ago. But I wasn't hungry. I had doubts as to whether I'd ever be hungry again, my insides were so knotted together there was no way there could be room for anything else in there.

I heard a click as Raph turned on the lights, I shrunk back further into my corner, refusing to turn and acknowledge him. I wanted to be alone. That was why I hadn't come out the first time when Mikey had sought me out.

Raph ignored my obvious attempt to avoid him. I heard his feet approaching as quietly as a breath and then he was there next to me, sitting down. I could feel the warmth from his leg and knew he was close enough to touch if I just reached over a few centimeters. I had no desire to. I tried to ignore him.

"You wanna talk?"

I suppressed a growl.

"No."

"That's fine," Raph said casually, acting as though he had nothing better to do than sit here in the dojo with me. I resisted the urge to tell him to just leave me alone, knowing that he wouldn't.

It wouldn't be the first time Raph deliberately disobeyed me when I told him to do something, in fact most of the time he did just the opposite of what I told him just to get under my shell. And it usually worked. So why should this time be any different? I knew that either Mikey or Donny had sent him in here to talk to me, but I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. What could I tell them? What would they want to hear? I couldn't tell them the truth because they would just say it wasn't true, that I hadn't let them down. That things weren't as bad as I thought they were. That we'd get through this.

But they couldn't understand. They didn't see things the way I could see them, figuratively at least. They weren't in my shell. They didn't have to face this challenge on a day to day basis the way I did. They didn't know the humiliation of having your brothers have to help you in the shower because you couldn't even stand on your own. I couldn't explain these things properly, and they wouldn't understand them anyway. Because they didn't see things that way. But I couldn't do this anymore. Couldn't pretend that things would be ok, that if we just kept plodding along that eventually we'd reach the finish line and everything would be ok. There was no finish line! This was my life now! It was the way it would continue to be until I died! There was no going back, something had been stolen from me and there was no way to repair the damage.

No! I couldn't explain these things to them. They wouldn't understand. They couldn't understand. And there was no way for me to show them how I'd utterly and completely failed them all. I might as well hang up my katanas and stop training. It wasn't going to do me any good anymore.

Raph shifted on the floor next to me, adjusting his position so he could lean more comfortably against the wall. I frowned, continuing to keep my face turned away from him. But I could hear the sound of his shell gently brushing the concrete walls.

What was he still doing here anyway? I told him I didn't want to talk! Was he going to stay here all night just to annoy me? Or had Donny sent him in to make sure I had another babysitter in case I fell?

The thought made my blood boil and I reached for my walking stick where I'd set it down, but found it wasn't where I thought it would be.

"You ain't goin' nowhere, Leo - not till we talk," Raph said casually. I was sure he'd taken my walking stick when he'd "repositioned himself" knowing that I'd only stand his presence for so long before I would try to leave. I ground my jaw together and suppressed a growl.

"Give it back, Raph," I said coolly, my voice holding a dangerous tone that I usually used to get what I wanted. My brothers knew better than to mess with me when I got like this. Well, Donny and Mikey did anyway. Raph usually liked to get under my shell and aggravate the problem, always looking for a way to make me rise to his bait, to make me angry enough to fight with him.

"Nope," Raph said his voice just as calm as it had been before.

This time I couldn't stop the growl from ripping from my throat. Using the wall I clambered to my feet, ignoring my trembling limbs. Fine! I didn't need the stupid stick anyway. I took a few hesitant steps away from him but suddenly he was there, blocking my way. I hadn't heard him, and I obviously couldn't see him, but I could feel him looming over me, could feel his hot breath on my face. I growled again.

"Move!"

"I told ya - ya ain't goin' no where until we talk, Leo," Raph said refusing to move.

"There's nothing to talk about!" I snapped, losing my temper completely.

"Sure there is," Raph said.

I opened my mouth to argue the point, but it was then that my legs decided to give out on me. My knees buckled and I found myself on the dojo mats again, feeling the embarrassment rising in my cheeks, knowing that Raph could see that only made it worse.

Raph sighed patiently and sat down next to me again. I wanted to ignore him, to make him go away by sheer force of mind alone. But as usual, Raph didn't pick up on the hint.

"You ok?"

"I'm fine!"

"Ya know - Donny's gonna put ya back in that chair if ya keep pullin' stunts like that," Raph said, holding no hint of joking in his tone. Instead he sounded solemn and sincere, as if he was truly worried about me. I tried to push that away from my head. I didn't want to think about that!

"Is that why you're in here?" I spat sarcastically. "To spy on me? To tell Donny I'm not using my cane like a good boy?"

"No."

"Then what do you want, Raph?"

"Ya didn't show up for dinner - Splinter's worried about ya. We all are."

"Well don't be," I huffed, putting as much anger behind the words as I could.

Raph was silent for a few minutes, his breathing not quite even, but staggered a little. As though he were trying to control himself from exploding at me. Good! With a little provacation I could get him to really get angry. Maybe then he'd leave me alone.

"When's the last time ya ate, Leo?" Raph suddenly asked.

The question took me so off guard from what I had expected that I felt the air rush out of my lungs in a whoosh.

"Wha - what?" I stuttered.

"Ya heard me," Raph growled, no longer sounding patient.

I honestly couldn't remember. I had been ignoring the protests of my stomach for a few days now. I could barely feel it anymore. But I knew Raph wouldn't accept that, he really wanted me to answer.

"I don't know - yesterday sometime."

"Really?" Raph's tone told me he didn't buy it. My eyes narrowed.

"Why do you care, Raph? So I skipped dinner tonight - I'm not hungry. Back off!"

"Ya know what - I don't think I'm gonna do that - because Mikey said the last time he saw ya eat anythin' was almost five days ago. Said he fixed ya a sandwich and ya only took a couple bites before ya threw the rest in the sink!" Raph was getting angry now. It wouldn't take much to make him really loose it.

"So what?" I asked shrugging a shoulder casually.

That did it, suddenly Raph's hands were on my shoulders. I could feel his fingers digging into my skin and I suppressed a wince. I could feel his muscles trembling as he fought to keep himself together.

"So? SO?" Raph practically shouted at me. "SO that's one of the reasons ya are so shaky, Leo! Ya trying to make yourself sick? Trying to scare everyone? Cause that's what ya are doin', Leo! I'm not the only one who's noticed!"

I winced pulling away.

"Just leave me alone, Raph."

I heard the distinct sound of his teeth grinding together as he clenched his jaw and could smell the sweat as it beaded on his skin. I braced myself, knowing he wasn't about to let this drop.

"Leo," Raph's voice was calm down, but I could tell it was taking a lot of restraint on his part to keep it that way. "Why are ya doin' this? What are ya tryin' to prove?"

I just shook my head and looked away, feeling my mask dampen with tears I hadn't even realized were there.

Raph's hand was suddenly over mine and I jerked in surprise. Raph didn't release me, but he slipped the familiar polished wood into my hand once again.

"When ya are ready to talk, Leo. I'm here for ya."

Then silent as a whisper Raph was across the room and the dojo door shut quietly behind him.

* * *

I don't know how long I sat there for, my hand wrapped around the top of my walking stick, my blank eyes blinking slowly, my body visibly trembling. Although I couldn't tell what it was that was making it tremble anymore.

I'd lost all desire to meditate and instead let my mind wander over the last three months. Letting the humiliation wash over me as I remembered time and time again when I wasn't allowed or able to do anything on my own. It had gotten to the point where I didn't want to leave my room. That was, until Raph came to talk to me.

_"Leo, being in this chair doesn't make ya any less than what ya were before. It's just temporary. Ya know that right?"_

_"Yeah, Raph, I know."_

_"Ya wanna talk about it?"_

_"No."_

_"Ya know, Sensei once said he saw a baby bird when he and Donny were out scavenging for supplies. It was on the ground and it was tryin' to fly, but it couldn't get offa the ground. No matter how hard he tried it couldn't lift even a centimeter offa the ground. Splinter saw somethin' had happened to it - broke its wing. It couldn't fly cause of it."_

_"Didn't they bring it home and fix up its wing?"_

_"Yeah, they did - after a few weeks it was as good as new. Splinter and Donny took it out and let it go and it could fly good as anythin'. Turns out it wasn't a baby after all. Full grown bird that just got hurt."_

_"What's your point, Raph?"_

_"Same thing has happened to ya, bro. Ya got a broken wing - but that don't mean that ya still can't fly."_

Suddenly the dojo seemed too small, to stuffy. I had to get out. Slowly, gripping my walking stick in my hand I rose stiffly and made my way shakily out of the dojo.

Outside it was quiet, it must have been later than I thought. I could hear the faint sound of white noise coming from the TV. Mikey must have fallen asleep in front of it again. I used the noise to my advantage, walking as silently as I could towards the exit. I had to get out - just for a little bit. Just to get a taste of freedom, to get a little fresh air.

Nothing moved, no one was there. I slipped out of the lair and into the dark tunnels beyond it.

My progress was pitifully slow, my legs continued to shake beneath me and my knees threatened to buckle under me several times but I pressed forward. I had been through these tunnels enough after my sight was taken from me that I knew how far away the nearest manhole cover was.

I wouldn't go far. I just needed some fresh air. I repeated the words over and over in my head, forcing myself to believe them.

When I reached the place where the manhole cover was I stopped and listened. I could hear the rush of traffic coming from somewhere nearby, and the steady dripping of water falling into a puddle from a leaky pipe. But no sounds of pursuit behind me. My brothers probably hadn't even noticed I was gone yet. And if they had, they weren't going to stop me - at least not yet.

Climbing up the ladder proved to be more daunting than it ever had before. My ankle screamed in protest as I had to put more weight on it. I ignored the pain and focused on reaching the top so I could slide the manhole cover aside. I had such practice with it that it seemed to take almost no effort at all usually. But my arms trembled and shook as I lifted the heavy metal. I ground my teeth, ignored the shaking and dizziness that threatened to overwhelm me as I heaved and the manhole cover slid aside.

The sounds of New York were just as familiar to me as my own home was. The sound of tires on asphalt, of angry drivers honking their horns. I could smell traces of food on the air. Melted cheese and Italian sauce, roasted meat and toasted bread, mustard and relish. My stomach growled in protest I ignored it again. I backed up against the wall of one of the buildings I stood next to as I heard footsteps approaching. I knew the manhole cover I'd come up through was in the middle of an ally, making it easy for me to blend in with the shadows as pedestrians passed on their way home after a long day at work.

I fought to keep my breathing soft and even, not wanting to give even the slightest sign of my presence here. I let the sounds of the city wash over me, drowning out everything else that was screaming at me from inside my head. Slowly I slid down the wall, sitting on my heels, but then had to readjust my position as my leg shook violently and my ankle burned dully. I opted for sitting against the wall, knowing I would be hidden in shadow. My breath continued in a soft pattern, the only noise that gave away my presence here.

I tried to mull over what Raph had told me that day, trying to figure out what it was he was trying to tell me. What did he mean? I couldn't wrap my head around it. Just because I had a broken wing didn't mean I still couldn't fly? Was he trying to tell me that even though I was blind it didn't mean I still couldn't lead? But how was that possible? I couldn't take them out on patrols, I couldn't protect them from any danger we might run into. I would be the one who needed protecting. I'd be the liability. I'd be the one who got us into trouble in the first place. So he couldn't mean that. As for my ankle, well I knew all along that it would heal just fine. I hadn't been happy about being confined in a wheelchair, but I was out of it now. In a few weeks I'd be completely back to normal, no more chair, no more stick.

My stomach growled softly, interrupting my thoughts. I sighed and got slowly to my feet. My ankle shook a little again as I made my way back to the manhole cover. I knew I'd better get back before the others noticed I was gone and searched the whole city for me. As I slipped back down into the sewers, sliding the manhole cover back into place, I had a the strangest sensation that I'd just locked myself inside a tomb.

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**A/N Continued: Ok I couldn't really post anything at the beginning of this chapter as I didn't want to give anything away. I know this chapter was a bit on the darker side, that Leo isn't acting the way he normally does. When I wrote this I tried to stay as true to Leo's character as I could be while trying to get across how someone who is always so independant and in control would feel in a situation like this. **

**I never intended to write a chapter where Leo was actually in the wheelchair - that would be far too hard to stay in his head, or any of the others for that matter while Leo was struggling so hard with something he couldn't control **

**In this chapter Leo is still in a really dark place, he's fighting to try and regain who he thinks he should be, who he has to be in order to protect his brothers. It isn't easy for him, and he feels so out of control of his own life that he tries to take control of certain aspects in his life. He feels if he can control certain things he can control himself. Depression can drag down even the strongest of people under the right circumstances, and Leo is battling it the best way he knows how. So I hope I stayed true to his character in this, the ending of this chapter was really hard for me to try and get right and I'm not sure I managed to stay true to Leo there at the end. But I hope you guys enjoyed it anyway. **


	13. Chapter 12: Discovering Our Hidden Enemy

**A/N: Ok this chapter is a bit shorter than the last chapter - I'm going to go ahead and post it tonight and will work on the next chapter and try to get it posted some time this weekend, hopefully by Sunday evening at the latest. This story is coming to an end here within a few chapters, there will probably only be three, maybe four at the most. But thank you all so much for those who have taken the time to leave me reviews, it really does give me inspiration to continue on with this story, and this chapter did give me several problems - but hopefully it came off ok. The next chapter should be longer - hopefully anyway. But thank you again for everyone supporting this I really appreciate it! See you again this weekend. **

* * *

**Chapter 12: Discovering Our Hidden Enemy**

**Raphael**

"Donny, is Leo in here?" I asked poking my head around the lab door, hoping that Donny had Leo in there for another check up. But to my dismay Donny was alone, hunched over his keyboard. He turned to look at me, his eyelids at half mast, his face drawn with exhaustion. I'd already sent Mikey up to bed after finding him sleeping on the couch in front of a blank TV. I'd gone into the dojo to send Leo to bed too but he wasn't in there, thinking he might have gone upstairs to get some sleep I'd checked there as well, but his room was undisturbed.

"Isn't he in the dojo?" Donny asked, clearly confused by the question.

I scowled.

"If he was do you think I'd be in here looking for him?" I snapped impatiently.

Donny's eyes widened in surprise, then narrowed slightly. "Did he go to bed?"

I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes, knowing I'd probably be asking the same questions if I hadn't already checked.

"No, he isn't."

"Is he getting a cup of tea? Or with Sensei?" Donny sounded fairly alarmed now.

"Sensei's sleeping and Leo isn't in the kitchen," I said my tone matching Donny's now. If Leo wasn't in here, then it meant he wasn't in the lair at all. Not that I could blame him - if I'd been smothered by my brothers constantly hovering over me for the past few months and had the opportunity to get out and away for a while I'd do it too. But where would he go? And what if something happened to him?

"He didn't go _out_ did he?" Donny asked his voice going through a couple octaves in his panic. "He shouldn't be on that leg any longer than he has to be. It might have healed, but he still needs to take it easy for at least a week. If he hurts it again..."

But I stopped listening, I was too distracted by the front door opening. Shooting Donny a meaningful look I hurried out to the living room to see Leo limping back into the lair, leaning heavily on his walking stick, his faced dotted with sweat, his breathing a little labored.

"Leo!" I barked running the short distance too him just as Leo's legs gave out from under him. He didn't protest as I wrapped my my arm around his shell and helped him over to the couch.

"Leo!" Donny hurried out of the lab, his first aid kit in hand, he dropped in front of our brother and gingerly picked up Leo's ankle, frowning at the slight swelling he found there. Leo flinched at the contact but didn't say anything. He seemed to be fighting to get his breathing under control.

"Raph, go get him a drink," Donny ordered without looking away from what he was doing.

Shooting Leo another worried glance I hurried into the kitchen without arguing. It looked like Leo was about to pass out, which wouldn't surprise me. Wherever he had gone obviously hadn't gotten him into any situations he hadn't been able to handle, but after not eating for almost a week, he was bound to be weak. Especially since he'd only been on his feet for a few hours.

I grabbed a bottled water from the fridge and hurried back to where Donny was still fussing over Leo, muttering under his breath though I could still pick up some of the things he was saying, although Leo seemed oblivious.

"Can't believe you didn't think this through...could've seriously injured yourself...surprised it isn't worse than it is..."

Leo's head was resting against the back of the couch, his eyes closed. I wasn't sure if he was even conscious. I stopped a few feet away, hesitating. Donny looked up and shook his head at me.

"He isn't conscious anymore, Raph," Donny said shooting a worried glance at Leo's peaceful face.

"Is he hurt?" I asked hurrying the last few feet to them, my hand hovering over my brother, afraid to touch him in fear that I might hurt him worse if he was already hiding injuries.

"No, just exhausted," Donny explained. He'd rewrapped Leo's ankle now and was holding a cold pack to it. He was frowning and his mind seemed to be somewhere else.

I sat down next to Leo and watched while his plastron rose and feel in even rhythms. I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen him so relaxed. Leo always looked so much younger when he was sleeping, much like the rest of us. When he was awake he always looked so much older, the weight he carried on his shoulders always seemed to make him age several years.

It made my stomach twinge uncomfortably to see him like this. Except for the fading scars on his face you would have never have known that somebody had stolen something from him, something so valuable to Leo that it would change him so completely. Ever since that night on the roof Leo had been so cold, so hard, so unlike himself that it honestly scared me sometimes. I could understand why Leo was acting this way, if it had been me I knew how I'd feel, except I wouldn't hold it back the way Leo did.

I knew inside he was festering, building up all that anger, trying to keep himself from unleashing it on us. But I also knew he was loosing the battle. It was much like the time after we'd stopped Shredder from returning to the stars. After Karai had stabbed him, Leo's whole outlook on the situation had changed. None of us were in a position to fight against the Shredder again. We'd lost - and we had all known it. The difference was Leo wasn't willing to go down without taking the Shredder with us - and had come up with our only option. Blow up the ship, even if it meant blowing us up with it. If it hadn't been for the Utroms showing up when they did...well, we would be nothing but space debris.

After that Leo had been so angry, he'd trained harder than ever, almost non-stop. He'd done nothing else, he'd pushed us all to our limits and then pushed us beyond that. It had grown tiresome after several months and I'd gotten tired of Leo acting like me. Leo was never one to just back out of a fight with no reason, but he wasn't one to jump into a fight unless he knew it was necessary either. But after our fight with Shredder Leo had launched himself into any battle he could, unleashing some of his aggression, fighting with such fury and intensity that it was almost scary. I knew Donny and Mikey had been worried - but I had enjoyed seeing Leo let loose for a change. He was always so dignified that it was nice to see he had flaws just like the rest of us. He'd always been such a perfect "fearless leader" up until that point.

But then I'd noticed the change within my brother. Leo never did anything fun anymore, he never let up. When he wasn't training he was sleeping, eating, or meditating. He refused flat out to join us for movie nights, night patrols were always an excuse for extra training, and even when we did convince him to join in a game, like capture the flag, Leo's attitude made it impossible for him to have fun. In fact that night had been the only night we'd been able to get him to go play with us - and then we'd found ourselves up against some psychotic freak who had been intent on feeding us to swarms of rats. He and Leo had had a face off, and while Leo had kicked some serious shell, he'd been caught off guard for a nano-second and it had almost cost him his life. If we hadn't been there to grab him, Leo wouldn't have made it. The fall might not have killed him - but the hundreds of thousands of rats waiting below surely would have.

Leo's anger had hit a point and it exploded in a way none of us had seen coming. While having a weapons training session with Master Splinter Leo had finally lost control of his temper and had taken a swipe at Splinter with his katana. Even though the wound was not serious it had stunned and angered the rest of us. What had been eating at Leo anyway? I still didn't know the answer to that. Splinter and Leo had never told us.

All we knew was that night Splinter had sent Leo off to see the Ancient One and Leo had left, we didn't see him again for three months. When he had returned, he was back to the old Leo we all knew and loved. His anger had dissipated, as if it had never existed. We didn't ask questions, we were just glad to have our brother back.

But this situation was totally different, Leo wasn't just facing a mental injury here, he was facing a physical handicap as well. That alone was enough to drive Leo to the brink, and we had no idea how to get him back. Just like last time I felt totally and completely helpless. What if the old Leo never came back? How were we supposed to face the reality that this Leo might be the only one we'd ever have again? This cold and angry shell of what used to be our big brother.

"Hey, Donny?" I asked fighting to keep my voice steady, even though it took a great deal of effort to keep it that way. Donny didn't look at me, but I assumed he was listening. "Do you think he'll ever pull outta this?"

"Hmm?" Donny asked, he turned to look at me now, although his expression was blank - as if his thoughts were still focused on something else.

I opened my mouth to repeat my question when I stopped and studied Donny's face more carefully. His eyes were narrowed marginally, his mouth set in a grim line, two lines were wrinkled in his skin over his mask, and he held himself in a tense position that was so unlike him that it had me staring. Donny knew something, something that he wasn't sure if he wanted to share it with the rest of us. I was instantly suspicious.

"Ok, braniac," I started, my voice holding a hard edge now, one that drew Donny's eyes to me once more. "What's going on in that big brain of yours?"

Donny instantly turned his eyes away from me, and consciously smoothed out the wrinkles on his forehead. I scowled at him, a low growl building at the back of my throat.

"Donny!" I snapped impatiently when he refused to answer.

Donny jumped at the tone of my voice and looked at me again reluctantly.

"I know who did this to him, Raph," He finally confessed in a whisper so low I could barely hear it.

If Donny had told me he was moving to Africa I couldn't have been more surprise. I suddenly found myself on the floor next to Donny, without even realizing how I'd gotten there. I'd had no conscious thought to move - I wasn't sure if I even could anymore.

"Wha - what do you mean you know?" I asked my voice just as soft as Donny's now.

Donny shuddered a little and turned back to look at Leo, his eyes much softer now. He blinked and I could see he was fighting back the emotion that had been building up inside of him, I put a hand on his shoulder to steady him.

"It was a paid hit, Raph," Donny said quietly, his eyes fell to the floor just shy of Leo's newly wrapped ankle. "Someone was paid to do this to him."

The growl that had been building in my throat escaped through my clenched teeth. "Do you know who they are?"

Donny nodded. "They're a professional assassination group from Japan," He paused looking at me with wide eyes now. "Raph, their prices are really steep - there is no way just anyone could hire them..."

"Karai," I snarled under my breath.

Donny nodded and looked away again, he blinked and a few tears fell down into his mask, soaking the material.

"We shoulda known," I muttered under my breath. It was so obvious to me now - who else had it in specifically for Leo? Who else harbored such a vendetta against him that they would sink this low?

"But why?" Donny asked more to himself than to me.

I answered anyway, my anger making my voice harder than I meant it to be. "Can't you see it, Donny? Look at him!"

There was no point in Donny looking at Leo, he already knew what I meant but he did it anyway. He flinched at our brother's pale complexion, the way his skin was tight over the bones, the way his muscles had begun to dissipate, the sunk hollow appearance around his closed eyes. Already we could see the results of his days foregoing any food. He was thinner, more fragile somehow. Donny looked back at me, his expression grave.

"What are we going to do, Raph?" Donny whispered.

My jaw clenched as I stared back at him, no idea on how to answer that - because if I was going to be honest with myself, I had absolutely no idea how to pull Leo through this. I stared up at Leo, feeling my heart ache at the thought that someone had purposefully done this to him - someone had intended to hurt him so badly that it would be nearly impossible for him to recover from it. And then like someone flipping a light switch anger quickly won me over, I could feel it like a fire building in my belly, scorching its way up my chest into my throat where it locked down, consuming every breath I could draw into my aching lungs.

"We're gonna help him pull through this, Donny - whatever it takes we're gonna get him through this. Then..." My mouth curled into a smile that felt somehow deformed and unnatural.

"Then," Donny prodded his voice soft almost is if he were afraid of my answer.

"Then we go after Karai...and let her know what it means to mess with us once and for all!"


	14. Chapter 13: The Upward Turn

**A/N: Hey guys, I finished the chapter so I'll go ahead and post it now. There are only two chapters left in this story. Well, I guess I should say one chapter and then the epilogue. I will work on the next chapter and try to have it posted by Monday at the latest and then will get the epilogue posted by Wednesday if I succeed in getting the next chapter done so quickly. Thank you again guys for the support you've given me with this story, I doubt I would have made it this far without it. The reviews and PM's I've gotten have really gotten me through the last few days and I really appreciate them, they do keep me going. I've had a rough few days this week and I'm afraid that came off in this chapter, but it seemed to suit the mood so I went with it. If I'm lucky I might have the next chapter ready by Sunday. My husband will be away all weekend so I won't have much else to do but write as he'll have my car. :) Thank you guys again. **

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**Chapter 13: The Upward Turn**

**Raphael**

The next week after Donny told me that Karai had been the one behind the attack on Leo seemed to drag. Although I'm sure it was just me, I felt completely useless sitting on my shell doing nothing, knowing Karai was up there somewhere and probably plotting her next move against us. We had to strike her first before she got another shot. The anger I felt at knowing she'd deliberately done this to Leo, had taken something from him that he could never get back, hadn't receded. If anything it seemed to have intensified over the past six days.

I'd tried to keep my cool for Leo's sake if no one elses. I was sure that Donny had told Mikey by now because his usual flamboyant disposition was gone. He was more sullen than was normal for Mikey, he kept more to himself, spending a lot of time locked upstairs in his room. I knew Donny was troubled too but he kept busy in the lab, which wasn't all that unusual for him. I was aching to go topside and burn off some of this built up energy but was afraid if I did I'd go gunning for Karai, not caring that I was alone and would be seriously out numbered.

If Leo seemed aware of our unease he didn't say anything. My brothers and I watched him from a distance as the week progressed. At first Leo didn't move around all that much, we could tell from his pronounced limp that his leg was hurting him even though he wasn't willing to let on more than he had to, a few times I'd seen his face scrunch up in pain before he could mask it and had talked to Donny after Leo had gone to bed on whether or not Leo really should be walking around yet. Donny had assured me that there was no medical reason on why he shouldn't and that it'd just take a few days before Leo's leg adjusted to the strain of carrying his weight again. Donny was right of course, as the days passed Leo's pained expressions faded altogether and his limp was almost unnoticeable now. As Leo's progress took an upward turn, so did his attitude.

He still didn't hang out with us as often as he used to, but since we weren't hovering over him anymore he seemed more willing to be closer to us for longer periods of time. I still saw Donny and Mikey shooting him anxious expressions from the corners of their eyes once in a while. If Leo had seen this he would have been very annoyed, but I knew why they kept doing it, and it took a lot of effort on my part not to copy them.

We were all worried about telling Leo about what Donny had discovered. How was he going to take it? After the initial shock had worn off when Donny had told me I'd taken him aside the next day to discuss what would be the best way to break it to Leo.

_"Are you gonna tell him?"_

_"Do you think we should? What do you think it'll do to him if we do?" _

_"And what's it gonna do if we don't tell him - and he finds out anyway. Or what if he finds out for himself and then finds out we were keepin' it from him?" _

_"I see your point, Raph. You're right - we'll have to tell him. But I think you should be the one to break it to him." _

_"Me? Why me?" _

_"Because, he'll listen to you." _

_"What am I supposed to say?" _

_"I don't know, Raph - I just don't know." _

I still hadn't figured out the answer to my own question, and the thought of breaking the news to Leo was something I was definitely not looking forward to. But I knew I'd have to tell him sometime soon, otherwise Mikey would probably slip up and say something stupid in front of Leo and Leo would think we were keeping secrets from him.

And it wasn't as if I were trying to keep secrets from him. _I wasn't! _But how were you supposed to go up to your older brother and tell him that someone had deliberately planned the attack on him that had taken his sight. I thought that "_Hey, Leo - you remember the night you lost your sight? Well Karai paid someone to do it" _sounded a little insensitive. But what else was I supposed to say? I knew I'd have to break it it him gently, Leo had been on a self destructive path for so long now and now that he seemed to be looking forward again I was afraid to say anything that would send him down that dark path again.

I also knew why Donny had given me the responsibility of telling Leo, and it wasn't because Leo would listen to me. The truth was Donny knew I'd be able to stop Leo from going out and doing something stupid if he had to be physically restrained after the initial shock wore off, and we both expected that. I had no doubt in my mind what Leo would do when I told him Karai was behind this, it'd be the same thing that I would do in his place. I'd want revenge, I'd want to take Karai apart limb from limb. I wanted to do that anyway, but I also knew that it wasn't my place to do so. This would have to be Leo's choice, Leo's revenge. The rest of us would follow his lead, but if he wanted to do this alone then we'd have to respect that too - but first we had to help him overcome the challenges of his handicap. Make sure that he was really _ready _for a fight against Karai if that is what he wanted to do.

It was still early in the morning, the rest of my family were sleeping, but I couldn't sleep. My head felt too full and jumbled to try and sleep. I knew Leo had the right to know, but I wasn't sure if I really wanted to tell him. Was it really worth it to say something to Leo knowing what it would do to him? I rocked myself slowly back and forth in my hammock staring up at the dark ceiling my thoughts spinning around in my head, and then a noise from downstairs distracted me. I froze, straining my ears and holding my breath while I listened. It came again. A slight shuffling noise.

Slowly I rose out of my hammock, my hands clenched on the handles of my sais as I walked out of my room and to the railing, peering down to the main area of the lair. It was still dark, with only a faint glow coming from underneath the dojo door. My eyes narrowed marginally as I made my way down the stairs and towards the dojo, still listening hard. I could hear it then the faint shuffling noises I'd heard from upstairs. I probably wouldn't have noticed them if I hadn't been so wired already. It was just the faint sound of someone moving on the mats inside. Cautiously I opened the door and felt my eyes pop in surprise.

Mikey was in there, his face coated with sweat, his eyes wild behind his mask, his mouth set in an angry line. He swung his nunchucks around and hit them against the practice dummy again and again, each strike more powerful than the last as he unleashed his anger. I'd never seen my brother this way, Mikey was never so focused. Splinter was always trying to get him to focus his mind, and Mikey would always blow it off, he preferred being the light hearted one of the bunch. But that didn't mean he _couldn't _focus if he really wanted to. And it was clear to me that his mind was more focused now than it had ever been.

With another powerful strike Mikey's nunchuck hit the dummy's neck and several seams popped, making the dummy's head tilt to the side where it hung from a few loose threads. Mikey stood panting his arms hanging down at his sides, his chest heaving with his exertion.

"Nice move, Mikey - don't think Splinter'll be too happy bout the dummy though."

Mikey turned, startled, his eyes popping a little in surprise. He'd been so focused on what he was doing he hadn't even noticed me watching. His surprise quickly changed to anger, he glared at me, the muscles along his jaw went tense as he clenched his jaw.

"Bug off, Raph."

It was my turn to be surprised. Since when did Leo wear an orange mask? Mikey wasn't looking at me anymore, he had turned his back to me and was going through several katas, running through each of them perfectly.

"What are ya doin' down here this early, Mikey?"

Mikey's back stiffened and he turned to glare at me. "What? I have to have permission now?"

I shrugged. "No, jus' seems strange that ya are down here though. Seems ta me like somethin is botherin' ya."

"Well there isn't," Mikey snapped turning his shell towards me again.

"Ok," I said with a slight shrug, not buying it. "Ya up for some sparrin'?"

Mikey turned to look at me confused, I shot him a wide crooked smile. Sparring had always been a way to get Leo to open up when something was bothering him that he didn't want to share. If Mikey refused to open up and tell us what was bothering him I would just have to be sneaky about it.

After hesitating a moment, Mikey nodded. I grinned as I pulled my sais from my belt, meeting Mikey in the middle of the room. We circled around each other, like two large predators facing off. I watched Mikey carefully, noting that he was keeping his weight balanced on the balls of his feet, ready to either spring at me or avoid an attack. I decided to make the first move and feinted a punch to Mikey's left. Mikey dodged it easily but failed to see my foot coming up from the right. It caught him in his side. He winced and hopped back a couple steps, his eyes narrowing, his jaw tight. I lunged at him again, this time he jumped over me and used my shell to push off from. Knocked off balance I had to take a couple steps to regain it, when I turned I barely had time to lift my arm to block Mikey's attack on my head. His chuck hit my exposed arm with much more force than I had expected. Acting automatically the sai in my other hand caught the second chuck coming my way, it caught on the tip of my sai and I tossed it away from him.

"Mikey, take it easy," I growled.

Mikey's expression darkened as he glanced to the corner where his second chuck had landed then glared at me again. I was surprised at how much fury I could see in his eyes it was almost as if I were looking into Leo's, well except for the fact that Leo's eyes were a different color. Mikey sprang at me again, his chuck swinging wildly towards my head again. I ducked and caught his ankle as he soared over me, twisting it slightly and using his moment to my advantage as he went sprawling onto his shell. In an instant I had him pinned, he squirmed under me, but I used my weight to my advantage and kept him from getting out from under me.

"Alright, Mikey! What the shell was that about?" I growled through my teeth.

"Let me up!" Mikey snapped.

"No! Not till ya tell me why ya were trin' ta bash my head in!"

Mikey did a double take. "I wasn't - you said you wanted to do some sparring."

"Yeah, Mikey - that doesn't mean ya try ta do me in. We got real bad guys ta do that for us. I don't need ya ta do it too!"

Mikey went slack beneath me. "I'm sorry, Raph - I guess I wasn't thinking."

I felt myself relax a little, hearing the remorse in his voice. I pushed up to my feet again and offered him a hand, he took it and I pulled him to his feet as well. Mikey didn't look at me as he walked across the dojo to retrieve his chucks. He picked them up sadly, looked at them for a long moment then tucked them into his belt before sitting down in the corner, holding his head in his hands.

I hesitated for a minute then quietly joined him.

"What is it, Mikey?" I prodded, hoping he'd be honest this time.

Mikey drew in a shuddering breath and then turned to look at me. I was surprised to see tears welling up in his baby blue eyes.

"Mikey!"

"I wasn't tryin' to..." Mikey paused and swallowed hard. "To hurt you, Raph. I'm sor...sorry."

I looked down at the bruise forming on my arm where his chuck had hit it when I'd lifted my arm to block his attack. "I know ya didn't, Mikey - it's ok."

Mikey nodded once and the buried his head in his hands again, trying to get his breathing under control. I waited, knowing if I was patient enough Mikey would open up. When at last his breathing calmed I tried again.

"So ya wanna tell me what's botherin' ya?"

"Why would she do it, Raph?" Mikey asked, still not looking at me.

He didn't have to clarify who he meant for me to know who and what was bothering him now. I knew he hadn't taken the news well, none of us had - but I hadn't expected this. I felt a heat grow in my belly again as my anger at Karai intensified. She had done more than take away Leo's sight that day, she taken away everything that Leo used to be - she'd taken a big part of our brother from us. And now she'd done this to Mikey - she'd taken away his innocence.

"I dunno, Mikey," I finally said, my voice just as broken as his.

"What are we gonna do, Raph?" Mikey asked looking up at me and blinking several times, dislodging the tears there. I ground my jaw together, if it was the last thing I ever did I was going to pound Karai into a pancake!

"We're gonna have ta tell Leo, Mikey - he needs to know."

"Needs to know what?" A new voice asked startling us both. I looked up to see Leo just outside the dojo door, I hadn't even heard him come down. I felt my eyes pop a little as I realized that Leo had heard enough to know we were keeping something from him, and his expression told me he was less than happy about it. His arms were crossed over his chest, his blank eyes were narrowed, he was scowling in our direction, and the scars marred his face seemed to stand out even more in contrast with the lighting.

I looked to Mikey, who looked just as startled as I was. In fact he looked a few shades paler. I rose quickly, not that Leo could see the gesture. He looked just as irritated and suspicious as he did before.

"Think I'm gonna go to bed," Mikey muttered. He darted to his feet and dashed out the door, just brushing past Leo's arm. Leo let him go - as I knew he would. I suppressed a sigh. How was I supposed to tell him? I hadn't figured out what I was going to say yet.

"So you gonna tell me what the big secret is, Raph?" Leo asked, his tone just on the edge of angry.

"Yeah, I was gonna," I admitted, then quietly under my breath so Leo couldn't hear I added. "Just didn't know how."

"So?" Leo pressed impatiently.

"You want some tea? Think this might take a while," I suggested, stalling for time while I tried desperately to think of something.

Leo's eyes narrowed even more but then he gave a reluctant nod. I let out a quiet sigh in relief and brushed past him as I headed for the kitchen. I heard him pull out a chair at the table as I filled the kettle with water and put it on the stove.

It seemed funny to me, the old saying that said the water will never boil if your watching it. But with Leo's blank eyes fixed on me with such heat behind that blank stare I could almost feel smoke coming out of my ears. After what seemed like seconds the kettle whistled and I poured the hot water into the two mugs I had put the tea bags in. I turned to the table and sat down across from Leo, sliding a cup into his hands. Leo cradled it but didn't drink it. I knew he was angry, Leo hated being left out of the loop and if he felt like we had kept something from him because he wasn't strong enough to handle it he definitely wasn't going to be happy.

And that wasn't why I hadn't told him yet, I just hadn't been able to figure out how to put it. But I knew that wasn't how he was going to see it.

I took a deep breath and stared into my tea, I didn't want to stare into those eerie blank eyes, not with what I was about to tell him.

"Leo, Donny was doin' some research the other day," I started, trying to be as gentle as I could. I could feel Leo's tension from across the table and heard the chair groan a little as he shifted his weight.

"So?" Leo prompted.

"He found out..." I hesitated, not sure if I really wanted to do this.

"Raph, just spit it out!" Leo snapped.

"He found out who it was that attacked us that night on the roof," I said quickly. I waited for his reaction but the silence that hung between us was answer enough. I wished I could just get out of here now while I had the chance - before I had to tell him the real reason that I hadn't said something before now. Why I hadn't told him the night that Donny had told me.

"Oh," Leo finally said his voice eerily calm and composed. I looked up from my tea to see his face was blank with shock, his eyes wide. He hadn't expected this, that much was obvious. His hand curled convulsively around his mug of tea, I could see his fingers trembling a little. Leo swallowed hard and worked on composing his expression. I let him, watching him carefully for several minutes while Leo fought to get his breathing under control again.

After several long minutes Leo finally seemed to get a hold of himself. "Who were they?"

"A group of professional assassins from Japan - Donny never gave me a name."

"Huh," Leo's expression fell a little and he dropped his head down so his eyes were blankly staring at his tea instead of at me. I knew he was trying to figure out why some random group from Japan would come after us. Why they had done this to _him. _It was time to drop the bombshell.

"Leo, that ain't all - uh, these guys are paid assassins. Someone with a lot of money had to hire 'em."

Leo's head snapped up so fast I could've sworn I heard his neck popped. His glared at me now, his whole body going tense. "What do you mean, Raph?"

"Well - Donny thinks that...thatKaraiwastheonewhohiredem." I said all in one breath and as fast as I could get the words out.

Leo scowled at me. "What?"

I cleared my throat and found myself once again avoiding those blank eyes. I stared at the wall instead.

"Raph!" Leo barked. I flinched and turned to him reluctantly.

"I said Donny thinks that Karai is the one who hired 'em."

Leo drew in a sharp breath that sounded more like a hiss. I watched as his color drained a little and then I was racing around the table when I realized he wasn't breathing. I quickly shoved his head down towards his lap.

"Breathe, Leo!" I ordered.

Leo's shell rose a little bit as he took a shallow breath, and then another. I kept my hand on his neck trying to offer him any support I could. He was trembling beneath my hand and his color hadn't returned. I was terrified that this news was more of a blow to him than he could handle at the moment. Of all the reactions I had been waiting for, this _hadn't _been one of them.

The minutes ticked by slowly, dragging on for so long I could've sworn it was hours before Leo finally moved underneath my hand. When he did it was slow at first. He eased back again, brushed my hand off his neck, and then without saying a word to me he rose and left the kitchen.

* * *

"You told him?" Donny stared at me over the top of his steaming coffee mug.

I froze, I'd been in the process of pouring myself a bowl of cereal when Mikey had casually asked me how Leo had taken the news. Donny, still half asleep, had been pouring himself a cup of coffee but froze when he realized what Mikey had meant. Suddenly I lost my appetite. I sighed and slumped down into one of the chairs at the table, my head suddenly felt heavy and I was very aware of my early morning. I held my head in my hands and ignored my brother as he sat down next to me, setting his coffee mug aside for now.

Mikey sat down across from me, his blue eyes wide behind his mask.

"Raph?" Donny asked, concerned now.

I dropped my hands in defeat. "Ya, I did."

"So where is he?" Donny asked looking over his shoulder as if expecting Leo to join us any minute.

"He's in his room," I admitted. I'd already checked for myself before everyone else had woken up. Leo had been sitting on one of his mediation mats, his back to the door and had refused to answer me when I asked him how he was doing. I figured he was trying to work things through in the only way he knew how so I'd left him alone, knowing that he'd come to us when he was ready. I looked at Donny trying to convey without words how Leo had taken the news. I didn't want to worry Mikey any more than I had to.

Donny's expression went from mildly curious to worried in a split second. Then after following my pointed glance to Mikey, who was too busy looking towards Leo's room to notice, Donny composed his face again.

"Hey, Mikey - why don't you go see if Leo wants something to eat?" Donny suggested.

Mikey looked back at us, surprised. "Uh, sure..." He rose quickly and hurried out of the kitchen.

"How bad, Raph?" Donny demanded in voice soft enough that it wouldn't carry to Mikey as he darted across the living room.

"Real bad, Donny. Worse than I thought he'd take it."

"Ah shell," Donny grumbled.

I didn't say anything because I was feeling the same way. We were both helpless in trying to help Leo get through this. How were we supposed to? It was bad enough that Leo had lost his sight, and with it a big part of who he was, or who he thought he should be, but for him to know that it had been Karai who had sent them after us. Even for her this was a new low.

"What are we gonna do, Raph?"

"That isn't for us ta decide, Donny. This is up ta, Leo. Whatever he wants ta do that's the way it'll be." I growled glancing in the direction of Leo's room. "She did this ta him, he gets ta choose."

Donny nodded and reached for his coffee mug. "I guess your right." He lifted the mug to his mouth and then set it down just as quickly, his eyes wide in surprise. "Leo!"

I turned in my chair to see Leo walking slowly into the kitchen, Mikey was no where in sight.

"Leo," My voice sounded just as shocked as Donny's. "Where's Mikey?"

"He's checking on Master Splinter, see if he wants something to eat." Leo said taking a vacant chair and sitting down gingerly.

"Leo," I started, not at all sure what I was going to say but Leo held up a hand silencing me.

"Raph, it's ok - I'm not mad," Leo assured me. He rubbed the dark scars above his eyes with his fingertips, his expression thoughtful.

"You aren't?" Donny ventured.

"No, Donny - I'm not. I understand why you guys didn't tell me right away," Leo said as he dropped his hand and pointed those blank eyes in Donny's direction. "How long have you known?"

Donny looked to me for help but I just shook his head. Leo knew we had known for a little while, it wouldn't do us any favors if we lied to him now.

"About a week," Donny admitted.

"That makes sense," Leo muttered.

"Huh?" Donny asked in surprise.

I frowned at Leo. "What do you mean, Leo?"

"Well Mikey's been acting off all week - kind of kept to himself. I'm sure you guys noticed it. He's barely left his room at all."

"Yeah - uh, we know, Leo," Donny said a bit surprised.

"He went in there after you told him didn't he?" Leo asked, it wasn't an acquisition, but it might as well have been. We both flinched.

"He was really upset and worried about you," I cut in, saving Donny from having to answer that. I hadn't been the one to tell Mikey so I had no idea if he had gone in or not, but this way Leo would think I had been the one to tell Mikey and not Donny. Donny was staring into his now luke warm coffee mug with a guilty expression on his face.

"So what are we gonna do about Karai?" Leo asked, changing the subject.

I blinked in surprise.

"We wanted to wait for you to decide, Leo," Donny said quickly, apparently glad that the conversation had taken this new direction.

"Well," Leo said thoughtfully, his face puckering up a little in thought. "First things first - I'm going to have to step up my training. Being stuck in that wheelchair for so long certainly didn't do my muscles any favors.

"Leo, are you sure you're ready for that? I mean if you hit your ankle at the wrong angle you could..." Donny trailed off when I glared at him.

Leo had paled a bit but seemed to gather himself together quickly. "Yeah, Donny, I'm afraid that's something I'm going to have to risk if we are going to get this done."

"Get what done, Leo?" Donny asked a bit hesitantly. I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear the answer.

"We're gonna visit Karai and thank her for the lovely party favor she left me," Leo rubbed at the scars on his face again and then his face broke into a smile that didn't really suit him. It made shivers run up the back of my neck. "And maybe we'll leave a little gift of our own."


	15. Chapter 14: Reconstruction

**Chapter 14: Reconstruction**

**Leonardo**

I knew my brothers weren't happy with me at the moment. It was too soon for them, we hadn't had enough time to prepare. But there was no way I was going to sit on my shell any longer than I had to while Karai planned her next move against us. I knew that she wouldn't stop, she didn't know how to stop! She was just as vindictive and vengeful as the Shredder had been. She wouldn't quit until we were dead.

That was probably why she had done this to me. When Raph had first told me that Donny had discovered it was Karai behind the attack that night on the roof I'd gone numb. I hadn't been able to feel my legs, I felt as if the whole world was closing in around me. I couldn't breath. The air had been sucked out of the room and no matter how hard I tried to convince myself that if I focused and relaxed my lungs would do what they would do naturally - but I couldn't, I couldn't fight the panic and fear that had overwhelmed me, and even greater than that...betrayal. My lungs screamed in protest as the air they so desperately craved was denied to them - I had been suffocating inside my own body, frozen, unable to move. And then Raph had been there, his warm hand on my neck, shoving my head down towards my knees and his voice such a sharp bark that it had stunned me into obeying him. Or trying to anyway. The relief of feeling air in my lungs again was reassuring, but it wasn't enough and I'd forced myself to not hyperventilate while the panic continued to rise in my throat. Raph's hand never left my neck and I forced myself to focus on that, to ground myself back to reality with his touch. After a couple minutes I was able to concentrate on his steady breathing, I paced mine to match his own and found to my great relief that my lungs obeyed easily.

I stayed like that for several more minutes while I slowly gained control of my body in incrimints once again. When I could feel my legs once again I knew I had to get away from Raph, I had to be alone. I had to think. So without thinking I brushed Raph off and hurried out of the room. I knew he was worried, I had felt his eyes on me as I went up to my room. But I didn't have time to reassure him, I had to know why Karai would sink this low. Why she would do something so dirty? At least the Shredder had been willing to kill us fast - but why this? Why this pained tortured existance? What was her goal?

I tried to calm down enough to meditate but found it extremely hard to do. I just couldn't concentrate on it. My mind kept wandering back to Karai, back the way she looked at me. Her green eyes blazing with vengeance, her lips pressed into a thin line and her body coiled, ready to spring at me. She had been so angry after we got the Shredder banished after our final confrontation. She'd tried to destroy my family while I'd been in Japan with the Ancient One. I'd come home to see the lair completely destroyed and my family missing. Karai had been positive that she had killed my family, that I was the only one left. I'd gone to April in desperation, hoping that the others had contacted her - had let her know they were still ok in case I showed up looking for them. But all April had been able to give me was a dented "Sewer sweet sewer" sign that Karai had left her. April hadn't had much hope that the others were alive, Karai had said she had gotten them all. But I was not ready to give up on my family so easily - I'd searched for them, meditated on the events, let their spirits call to me. Finding them alive had been my reward, and thankfully there had only been one injury.

Karai had meant to punish me when she left that message with April. She had meant to make me hurt just as badly as she had been hurting. To know that your family is gone - to know you are all alone. The loneliness of those few hours without my family had almost destroyed me - if Karai had been successful in killing them that night...well, I doubt I would have gone on much longer without them. I wouldn't have wanted to. I would have gone to Karai, faced her and sworn vengence against her. I would have revenged them all, but then I would have ended it all. There was no way I could survive in a world where my brothers and father don't exist. I need them - they are my world.

Raph had come to check on me after a while, but I hadn't talked to him. I could tell he was still worried after my panic attack downstairs, but after seeing that I was at least sitting up and breathing perfectly fine on my own he'd left me alone. I was grateful for that, I had needed to think.

And then it came to me, so fast it was like catching a punch in the gut. I felt the air rush out of my lungs in a whoosh and I'd almost fallen over as realization came to me. Karai had sent those assassins after us that night because she knew I'd do anything to protect my brothers. She knew I'd throw myself in front of them to protect them. She knew I'd stop at nothing to save them. Yes, she knew, and she turned it against me.

When I threw myself in line of fire that night it had all been intended. Oh she would have done the same to Raph if I hadn't stepped in I was sure, but I had been the true target that night. That was why Mikey and Donny were never attacked. Karai had given specific instructions that the attack was not to happen unless I had been present. Unless I had been there to take the fall for one of my brothers. I'd taken the bait, hook line and sinker. When I'd seen Raph in trouble that night I didn't even blink twice - I was there to keep my brother safe and that was what I intended to do. The pain that had overwhelmed me seconds later was so intense that I thought it alone would kill me.

I had wanted to die. I didn't want to keep fighting the pain later when we were back home. The pain had been bewildering, each wave more intense than the last. It felt as if every nerve ending had been lit on fire and I was slowly burning alive. My vision had been fuzzy at best that first night and I had seen the look on Raph's face. The shock, horror, and terror - but more than that the guilt. The blow had been aimed at him, he felt the responsibility of my actions - though they were mine and mine alone. I knew if I gave up - if I let death take me, it would surely kill Raph as well. He wouldn't have been able to live with himself knowing that something that had originally been aimed at him had taken _my_ life because I had jumped in between. I couldn't let him feel that way. I had to fight. And so I did.

When I'd woken up again and my vision was completely gone I'd been so wrapped up in anger and self doubt that I never tried to look back and figure out why Karai would do this. But after Raph had told me and I had focused on it I realized that I knew why she would. Karai knew that if I had been hurt so badly, if I had an injury that would be permanent then it would distract my brothers and I long enough for her to plan her next move. She knew our lives would be turned upside down for weeks or even months. She knew my brothers would be so focused on me they wouldn't go gunning for her. She also knew that if I had a permanent handicap I wouldn't be able to protect my brothers as well I used to. We'd be vulnerable - and she could have her revenge on us.

It had worked, she had had months to plan her next move while my brothers worked with me. She would be more than prepared to face us when we went to meet her head on. But I didn't care - we'd waited too long, we weren't going to wait any longer.

Donny and Raph especially weren't happy about this - it was too soon they'd said. They'd told me I should give myself more time to train, to make sure I was really ready for this. But I knew I'd never be more ready than I was right now. I needed to do this - needed to protect my brothers from her. If we gave her any more time she could storm the sewers and try to find us out much like she did the last time. I didn't want that. I wanted the fight to be on our terms, not hers.

Raph shifted next to me, his breathing a little unsteady. We were on the roof of the building behind foot headquarters. Mikey and Donny were flanking Raph and I as Raph scoped out the place and I tried to come up with a plan that could get us in to Karai without having to face every foot soldier she had. I didn't know how long our luck would hold out, with our track record it never seemed to last long. We had to do this carefully or we'd find ourselves buried under the force of the foot. She had us outnumbered at least a dozen to one, if not more. I didn't like those odds - even if I could see. I knew we were strolling into the lion's den tonight, I knew it was putting us all in danger and the chances of us getting out of there unscathed were slim, but I also knew we had to try.

"There she is," Raph growled next to me, he shifted his weight again. I felt his muscles tense as he brushed against me.

"Where is she?" I asked keeping my eyes closed and forming a picture of the building in my head so I could have a good layout of where she was and how difficult this was going to be.

"In da room with Shredder's statue. She's talkin' ta it."

I clenched my teeth together. She'd been doing that the night I'd confronted her after she'd tried to kill my family too. She must have had it fixed after I sliced off the head. "Guards?"

"I don't see no one," Raph muttered quietly. I heard him shift and turned my head towards him. "But that don't mean there ain't any."

I nodded. "I doubt she's alone. Not after the last time I caught her off guard. She told me that she keeps the security very tight."

"I've set up a virus to shut down their com links," Donny said quickly. He'd already been to April's earlier that day, she had agreed to help us know it was pointless to argue. "April, have you got the virus in their system yet?"

I waited, listening with my sharp hearing and barely heard April's reply on the other end of the wireless headset Donny had on his head.

"All set, Don - you guys are good to go."

"Raph!" I barked immediately.

"Got it, Leo," Raph said quickly. He took a few steps away from me. I waited for a minute and then Raph's voice was triumphant. "Come on guys, grab on!"

Raph's hands quickly shoved the rough rope into mine. I heard Mikey and Donny come up behind me and felt the rope tug a little as they too grabbed onto the rope. I knew they were both behind me to catch me if I faltered. Normally that would have bothered me, but tonight I had other things to focus on.

"Ok on three," Raph commanded. "One...two...three..."

We all jumped at the same time and I felt my stomach fly into my throat at the sensation of falling through the air, with nothing but the rope in my hands stopping me from falling to my death. It seemed to take forever, but it seemed far too fast at the same time.

"Feet out, Leo!" Donny called. I held my feet out in front of me just in time to stop myself from ramming into the building. The rope tensed as the four of us clung to it, all holding our breath and listening to see if we had been discovered. We hadn't.

"Come on," Raph urged and I felt the rope sway a little as he started to climb. I followed him, my movements a bit slower and more cautious than his. But I shouldn't have worried. Within two minutes we were on the helicopter pad, exactly where we had aimed to be. Raph grabbed my arm and I allowed him to lead me as he dragged me into the shadows. I heard Mikey and Donny following us.

"Everyone clear on what they are doing?" I demanded.

"Ya, we're ta keep da foot busy while ya keep Karai occupied," Raph growled.

"Right," I agreed. I knew this was the part of the plan my brothers disapproved of. Karai was a skilled fighter, having being taught directly from the Shredder. She was a worthy adversary and dangerous because she knew no bounds. But this was my fight - I wasn't going to let my brothers fight it for me.

"I don't like dis, Leo," Raph muttered quietly.

"You don't have to, Raph," I snapped. I heard his teeth click as he ground his jaw but ignored the anger coming off of him. None of them had to like this, but it wasn't their choice to make - it was mine, and I had made up my mind. "Let's go."

* * *

As soon as we stepped into the library I knew we were in trouble. The faintest whisper of sound was all the warning we had before I felt my brothers tense up and scoot closer to me. I growled under my breath as I removed my katanas from their sheathes on my back. I'd been working for weeks now on improving my weapons training with no vision. Splinter and worked with me tirelessly, patiently guiding me - correcting my moves, helping me to master the art of wielding a sword without being able to see my adversary. I'd gotten to the point where I could disarm him and my brothers, and my marksmanship had improved greatly. Splinter had wanted to come tonight but Raph and Donny had talked him out of it - he was staying with April and Casey tonight, giving them more backup in case Karai tried to trace the virus back to the source. Donny had already assured me it was untraceable - and April knew that as well. But the last time Splinter had gone up against Karai he'd been seriously injured. It had taken him several weeks to heal and after an infection had set in we'd almost lost him. April had managed to get a hold of some antibiotics and Donny had administered them, but it had been a close call. None of us wanted a repeat of that experience.

Splinter had agreed to remain behind, but only reluctantly. Casey too had stayed behind with the minimum amount of grumbling. I was sure that Splinter was spending most of his time staying as far away from the newly weds as he could. Casey could barely stand to take his eyes off of April for a few minutes, and we always made sure to call ahead before we popped in these days. We'd caught them a few times in a tender moment, nothing too extreme of course, but enough to make us feel uncomfortable because we'd interrupted them. Not that they minded, they were always happy to see us. But we tried to give them as much alone time as we could anyway.

"Ah, shell," Raph's voice was so soft that only my brothers and I could hear it.

"Leonardo! I am surprised that you would come here."

My jaw ground together and my felt my muscles roll automatically in response to her voice. My grip on my katanas tightened.

"You brought your filthy family along with you I see. All the better now I won't have to hunt them down after I destroy you!"

A growl escaped through my clenched teeth. "You won't be touching my family ever again, Karai! You've gone too far this time!"

"Ha! As if you could stop me! My foot ninja will crush your brothers like the worms they are - and I will crush you! You are in no position to stop me, Leonardo! I will avenge my father tonight! And in his name I swear you will fall!"

I felt Raph tense up next to me, his body trembling with anticipation. Whatever he had been feeling before, any doubt or weariness had been extinguished now. Raph was ready for the fight, and behind me I could feel Mikey and Donny squaring up too. They might not have been as eager for this fight as I had been, but they were just as committed to seeing it through now as I was. Win or loose we were going to face it head on.

"Bring it!" I snarled.

* * *

"Yahhhh..."

I ducked as Karai lept at my head, barely dodging her attack as she sailed over me. I could feel the anger burning inside of me as I tucked in my shoulder and sprang to my feet again, holding up my katanas just in time to stop her tanto from slicing open my throat. I swung at her with a side kick but hit nothing but air. I growled low in my throat while I waited for her next attack.

The fight had broke out viciously and so fast that I had lost track of my brothers some time ago. Although I was aware that they were all still fighting. I could hear their angry yells, and on occasion Mikey's antagonizing comments, so I knew they were still fighting through the throngs of the foot forces. Karai and I had come face to face against each other. Our anger driving our attacks with more intensity than we'd ever used against each other before. I had remembered telling her at one point that I'd give her one last chance to do the right thing...well this was it - there were no more chances to be had.

A movement just behind me had me swinging around and lashing out with the katana in my right hand. My aim hit its mark and I heard the sharp cry of a male opponent as my katana cut through soft flesh. A whisper of sound behind me told me that Karai was still there and I turned back but was too slow to stop her tanto from slicing into my right arm. I felt the blade cut deep, felt it slice through my muscles like a white hot poker. I lashed back automatically, my kick catching her in the gut and forcing her back and away from me.

"Leo!" Raph's voice was frantic in his panic.

"I'm fine, Raph!" I shot back - I couldn't let him lose his focus, if he was more concerned with me than the fight it could have devastating results. Grinding my teeth together I grabbed the tanto and pulled it out of my arm, throwing it away. I heard Karai's sharp cry of defiance and anger but ignored it. I could feel the blood running down my arm. The wound was deep and it hurt like shell but I couldn't let it stop me. I had to finish this.

I heard the whistle of something flying at me and held up my katanas just in time to stop Karai's manriki from hitting me in the chest. The chain wrapped around the blades of my katanas locking them together. I growled under my breath as she pulled on her end, trying to pull my katanas out of my hands. I yanked back, refusing to release my weapons. She gave the chain a vicious yank and I felt my katanas slip a little. I clenched my teeth together, lowered the blades of my katana and then swung around in a half circle. My foot came down on the chain and I pulled with all my upper body strength, freeing my katanas. Then I ducked and dived in Karai's direction.

Unprepared for my counter attack I caught her off guard and my leap knocked her off her feet. I kicked the manriki away from her and kept one foot on her chest, pinning her to the floor, my katanas at her throat.

"Do it!" Karai spit through her teeth. "Finish me!"

My katana moved closer, I could feel them move as her throat flexed as she breathed. Behind me the sounds of the battle were dying down.

"I wanna know why, Karai - why sink so low?"

Karai's sudden laugh startled me, my katanas slipped from their position for half a second before they were on her throat again.

"Why, Leonardo? WHY?" Karai's voice held no humor now, just a growing fury that had been festering for a long time. "Why wouldn't I? You took him away from me! You took away my family! You did this to him! I'll never see him again! And for that I have done the same to you! You'll never see them again! No matter how close they may be to you, even if you _can _touch them - you'll never see them!"

My katanas pressed even tighter against her throat. But she was laughing again, her voice still devoid of humor.

"You will be the death of your family, Leonardo! Even if you kill me tonight you will never be able to protect them as you always have. Just see yourself! You are not who you once were! Your worthless! Your nothing but a liability to them!"

My hands shook a little and I suddenly felt dizzy. I tried to focus myself, to stop myself from shaking but I couldn't help but feel that she had a point. I knew she was just trying to get to me, trying to make me lose my focus. To save her own life. But it was true - I had known it from the moment my sight had disappeared I wasn't the same turtle I used to be.

"Leo!" Raph's voice was suddenly next to me and I felt a hand on my arm. "Don't listen to her, Leo! You know it ain't true, bro!"

I swallowed, focusing on Raph's hand, letting it ground me again. I was still shaking a little but suddenly I felt stronger, stronger than I ever had. I narrowed my eyes and spoke through my teeth.

"An eye for an eye, Karai?" I shifted one of my katanas from her throat and moved it slowly up her face letting it stop just beside her left eye. I felt her shake a little underneath me and felt a smile curl up the corners of my mouth. "I think it would be an even exchange after all."

"You wouldn't!" Karai sounded unsure for the first time. My smile widened and I pressed the katana a little closer to her face, not enough to cut her but I could see in my mind's eye that her eyes would be trained on it, watching the metal gleam in the overhead lights.

"Wouldn't I?" I asked in a dangerous whisper.

It would be so easy, and it would be so fast. In one swift move I could take from her what she had stolen from me. I'd get what I had come for. I could feel the satisfaction inside me already, my muscles twitched with anticipation. I knew my brothers wouldn't stop me, not even Raph. I could feel his hand on my arm, not cautioning me but giving me the strength and support I needed.

"Then do it," Karai hissed.

I could do it. I _should_ do it. Nothing was stopping me, no one was holding me back. Deep down I knew she'd keep coming after us. No matter how many chances I gave her. She'd never change, even though I'd tried to convince myself she was nothing like the Shredder - that she had honor I realized she knew nothing about honor. Karai would never stop, she'd always be the Shredder's daughter. But still I hesitated. Could I really do this? Could I put her through what I had to go through? Could I drive my katanas into her eyes and then just walk away?

Raph squeezed my arm gently, I swallowed hard and tried to keep myself together. I couldn't do this. Not even to Karai. She might have taken my sight from me but she hadn't taken my family or my honor away from me. She hadn't destroyed me in the way she thought she had - in the way _I_ thought she had. She might have taken my sight, but I had been the one suppressing my spirit. I'd let the physical handicap of not being able to see rule my life. I'd based everything on it. I'd thought that I'd never be the turtle I used to be. And in truth I wasn't - and I would never be. Not now.

I realized now that even though she'd meant to cripple us by hurting me she'd made me stronger. I could hear Donny and Mikey coming up behind us now, and although their breathing was a little labored and I could smell the rusty salty smell of their blood and taste it on my tongue I knew their injuries were minimal. My brothers had stepped up to the plate after I'd lost my sight, even Mikey's skill had improved to a point that was almost scary. Without my sight my other senses had sharpened tenfold. I could hear the faintest whisper of movement, I could smell the most mild soaps, aftershaves, and perfumes on our opponents. And because of our training I could sense and feel the vibrations of someone when they were close to me. My eyes were my brothers, and even with them otherwise engaged I'd proved tonight I could still hold my own. Nothing, not even my useless eyes would break up what we were. Some ties are just so tight there is no severing them - the bond I had with my brothers was one of them.

"Leo?" Mikey asked his breathing still labored.

I blinked and frowned down at Karai, letting the tip of my katana touch the sensitive skin close to her eye.

"Karai, if you ever come near me or my brothers again," I warned in low growl, "I promise you - you will beg for death. And next time I will kill you!"

Then gingerly, and with the sudden feeling that my katanas had turned into thousand pound weights I slipped them back into the sheaths on my shell and turned back to my brothers.

"Let's go home."

"Just a sec," Raph growled. He turned away from me and then there was the unmistakable sound of metal slicing through flesh and Karai cried out in anger and pain. "An eye for an eye, Karai."

"Raph!" I barked not sure if I should be angry or not.

"Relax, Leo - she's got both 'er eyes and she can see outta 'em. She's just gonna have a scar that's gonna match yours."

"Leo, your bleeding!" Donny shouted, shock and worry making his tone sharp. His hand was on my arm in an instant but I pulled away.

"Later, Donny - not here."

"Sure, Leo," Donny agreed at once knowing there was no point in arguing with me.

I was suddenly very tired and wanted nothing more than to sit on the couch and listen to bad TV with my brothers at my side. Without another word we turned in unison and left Karai in her defeat.

* * *

"I knew ya wouldn't do it," Raph sounded somewhat amused.

I sighed and opened my eyes. I'd been attempting to meditate and had almost gotten to where I'd wanted to go before Raph interrupted. I knew Donny and Mikey were downstairs, Mikey had fallen asleep on the couch not long after Donny had turned on the news. I hadn't blamed him, I was exhausted myself. Donny had already stitched me up and given me something for the pain and the pills were making me sleepy. I'd come upstairs to meditate before going to bed.

"Wouldn't do what?" I asked as I unfolded my legs and let the blood flow back into my toes.

"I knew ya wouldn't kill 'er."

I sighed again and lifted a hand to rub absent-mindedly at the scars on my face. "It would've been too easy, Raph."

"Ya I know, Leo," Raph's tone sobered up quickly and I heard him walk into my room slowly. I waited, knowing there was something on his mind. "It wouldn't have been right if ya had killed 'er, Leo."

I frowned, confused a little. "Why's that, Raph?"

"'Cause it ain't like you. I heard what she said ta ya - and it ain't true, Leo. Ya ain't worthless and ya sure as shell ain't a liability. Ya are always gonna be our bro - we'd never see ya that way."

"I know, Raph," I said quietly.

"Ya didn't believe 'er did ya?" Raph asked suddenly concerned with my lack of emotion.

"She had a point, Raph. I was a liability - and I'm not the leader I used to be."

"Leo, that ain't..." Raph started but I held up a hand silencing him.

"Raph, Karai might have been the one who hired those people who did this to me - but I was the one who let it rule my life. I didn't want to believe that things could go back to how they were before. I didn't want to believe that Donny was right, that I'd never see again. I thought that if it were true that I could never be the leader I once was for this team. That I'd let you guys down. I supposed that was why I fought so hard against it all in the beginning. I just wanted things to be the way they were. I wasn't willing to let myself see the truth. That things will never be the way they were."

I blinked my blank eyes and slowly lifted my head so it would be as if I were looking at him. "I know things will never be the same now, Raph. I've accepted it. Karai might have been the one behind this but I was the one holding me back. If I had killed her tonight, if I had even taken away from her what she'd taken from me - I'd be no better than she is. I wasn't ready to sink that low. I couldn't ask you guys to look to me if I did it - I can't be the leader of a team if I can't be in control of myself."

"I know, Leo. I gotta say I admire ya for that, bro. Don't think I'd have had the strength ta do that. Just walk away."

I grinned. "Well I didn't just walk away did I? She has a mark to remember us by."

I felt Raph's laugh before I heard it.

"Guess she does, bro." Raph turned to leave my room but paused just outside the door. "Hey, Leo?"

"Yeah, Raph?"

"It's good ta have ya back."

* * *

**A/N: So there you have it the final chapter. I'll probably post the epilogue Tuesday morning before I go to work. Now before I get tons of hate mail for Leo not killing Karai, this story was never about Leo getting revenge on what had happened to him. It was a story of over coming the odds - of being able to over come any situation they might face. For Leo this was a lot harder than it might have been for any of the others. He might handle his physical disability better than the others might have, but Leo is known for being too hard on himself when he feels like he failed, like he isn't good enough, or when he's let his family down. In letting go of his anger at Karai for what she's done - even though she's done something to him that can never be undone Leo can't kill her in cold blood or in the name of revenge. And I'd never intended him to let him cut out her eyes either - I thought that might be a little too graphic. Sometimes forgiveness and moving on from what someone has done to you are the only ways to move forward and Leo realizes this when he faces Karai in battle. He knows he could kill her, he could do what she's done to him and call it justice - but Leo doesn't know if he could live with himself after doing either of those things. His brothers let him have control of this fight, knowing that it would be up to Leo to decide on what to do. Raph isn't fully able to control himself at the end and lets some of his frustration out by cutting Karai's arm but knows that the revenge isn't his to take. It was Leo's and Leo decided not to. I hope this chapter didn't disappoint anyone too much. And thank you again for all the readers who've taken the time to reviews, I've really appreciated it guys and I'll post the epilogue soon. Enjoy the rest of your day! **


	16. Epilogue: Acceptance and Hope Builds

**Epilogue: Acceptance and Hope Builds A Brighter Future**

**Leonardo**

_One year later..._

"Ha ha, Raph - you'll have to do better than that!" I laughed as I danced away from my brother's attempt to catch me off guard.

"You're askin' for dis, Leo!" Raph growled, his voice automatically taking the low dangerous tone he used when he started getting angry.

I grinned, adjusting my weight on the balls of my feet, ready to dodge when he sprang at me.

Raph sprang at me so fast I barely had time to duck and roll away from his advance, throwing myself to the mats, tucking my shoulder in and using my momentum to get back to my feet to spring at him. Raph wasn't as fast and I hit him dead on, knocking him to the floor and pinning him. He struggled beneath me, his breath coming out in angry huffs while he fought to catch it.

"Very good, Leonardo," Splinter's voice broke through my concentration and I felt Raph go limp beneath me. I grinned and sprang to my feet holding a hand out to my brother. Raph's hand clamped onto mine and I hauled him to his feet.

"Man, Leo - if I didn't know better I would've sworn you coulda seen me comin' at ya," Raph said his voice warm with admiration.

I beamed. "Nope, afraid not, Raph - but I can still hear you."

I heard Splinter's weight shift and turned, dropping obediently to my knees as he approached us. I felt the mats sink a little as Raph did the same.

"Your technique has improved Leonardo," Splinter said, I pictured the way his eyes would soften at those words, the way his ears would perk up, and the proud position in which he would hold himself. I'd grown so used to picturing these slight body gestures in my head it was almost as if I could actually see him. Although I'd come to accept the fact that I'd never see again.

"That is enough for today," Splinter said.

I bowed my head. "Yes, Sensei."

Splinter's nails made the fainstest scratching noise against the floor and his walking stick tapped softly against the mats as he walked slowly out of the dojo.

"Yah, just don't expect me to go so easy on ya next time, Leo," Raph taunted.

My grin widened. "Raph, I can still take you with one hand tied behind my shell."

"Just cause you got super sonic hearin' now," Raph grumbled. But I could tell he really wasn't as annoyed as he pretended to be.

I thought back over the last couple years, remembering when I'd first had to face the blackness that had threatened to consume me, how I'd been so bitter and cold. How I'd feared that I'd never be the leader I had been, how I'd been a liability to my brothers, how I was no longer a member of the team because of this disability. It hadn't been easy to face, and it had almost destroyed me. It would have, if it hadn't been for my brothers. I could get through anything with their help.

"Hey, ya hungry? I think Mikey was gonna cook lasagna tonight," Raph said.

My stomach growled just as the scent of melted cheese, spicy meat, and warm noodles saturated the air.

"He did - he's pulling it out of the oven now." I jumped to my feet, and without waiting for Raph I hurried out of the dojo, laughing as he muttered "show off" behind me.

Yep, I thought to myself, I could definitely get through anything with my brothers to back me up. And even though I knew the future would hold a lot more challenges that we would have to face, and even though they wouldn't always be easy. We would get through it the way we always had, and the way we always would. We'd do it together.

* * *

**A/N: I know I said I was going to post this in the morning, but the truth is who knows if I'll remember to do it? Getting up at 3:00-3:30 in the morning sometimes makes me disoriented and I forget to do things I had planned on before I leave for work. So I'm going to just post it now while I'm already online, so you get it a few hours earlier than what I had planned. Surprise. :)**

**I also know I say this every chapter, but I really appreciate the support you guys have given me in this story - I never would have made it to the end without it. This story proved to be a much bigger challenge than I expected when the idea first came to me, but I'm glad I saw it through. It was a lot of fun to experiment with a new angle on how the turtles would handle something like this. For those readers who I couldn't respond to their reviews personally, Kiseki and AATC and TMNT rocks - thank you for your support, it really has meant so much to me and I'm so glad you have enjoyed my work. **

**I am working on a new story, but with several events coming up in RL in the next few months, and depending on the outcome of some of them, I don't know how much time I will have to write - or how long it would be in between updates. So I'm not going to start posting it until I get it finished. I figured that way I can update frequently and you guys won't have to wait so long. **

**I've also been asked if I am planning on writing a sequel for this story. I wasn't originally planning on it, I was happy to leave it here with the epilogue. But I would be willing to write a sequel depending on how many people are interested in seeing me continue this story line. So if you'd like me to write a sequel to it please let me know. If I plan on it I will put a future stories section on my profile and let you know what stories I plan on writing for the TMNT in the near future. Again thank you so much for your support. **

**-Candace**


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